Category: Drive Time

Overload

Drive Time, Gummint

With all the bollocks surrounding the miracle electric cars and how they’re going to Save The Planet, etc., anyone with half a brain knows that a.) electric cars need lots of juice to run and b.) the current electricity grid — in any country — would not be able to handle the surge in demand should a country (foolishly) decide to abolish gasoline-powered cars by x date (sooner rather than later).

So how would government handle the problem?  Step forward the BritGov, with a wonderful idea:

Charging points for electric cars will be preset to turn off for nine hours a day amid fears they could cause blackouts with the government pushing the switch from diesel and petrol.
From May, every new charger will automatically not function at ‘peak times’ to ease the pressure on the national grid.
There is also set to be a ‘randomised delay’ of up to 30 minutes if there is high demand from motorists.

Yeah, that’s going to get just everyone to dump their Jaguars for Priuses, won’t it?

Fucking morons.

Winning Combination

Drive Time, Fine Art

Longtime Readers will know that among my many passions in life (guns, beautiful women etc.) are two things especially:  cars and fine art, especially paintings.

The latter two may seem a little at odds with each other, but there you go:  each of the two inspires wonder in me.

If you follow my reasoning, and you should, then let me introduce you all to some of the works of artist Alan Fearnley:

   

One may think that Fearnley specializes in older cars;  but one would be wrong:

One might also think that Fearnley specializes in classic pastoral themes, but again one would be wrong:

   

And finally, Fearnley doesn’t just do cars:

 

I have over a dozen of his pics saved as laptop wallpapers.  Here’s one:

Longtime Readers will not be surprised at this choice.

All the above, and many more, can be found here.  No need to thank me, it’s all part of the service.

As Long As You Look Mahvelous…

Drive Time

Some time back, I was watching some EewwChoob thing about cars that looked good but were absolute rubbish, either to drive or because they were completely unreliable.  I can’t find the video, of course, because Internet Confusion, but here’s a short list of cars that I wish had been made properly — i.e. with today’s machining, fit and electricals — so that one could drive them for a long distance or time without having to have a mechanic/towing service on speed dial, and drive them without impaling yourself on a tree at the very first kink in the road. I’ve left off the Usual Suspects (e.g. the E-type, Ferrari 246 and various Astons, because I’ve looked at them often enough).  Also, because they’re mostly tourers, to be driven for long distances in comfort, I’ve set aside my normal disdain for cabrios and soft-tops.

They’re not in any specific order, pretty much just as they came to me.

Triumph Stag
One of the best-looking touring cars ever made, the Stag was uniformly horrible, not the least because of Both Mr. Free Market and Drummer Knob had a Stag;  as I recall, Knob exchanged his for a Mini-Cooper (!), while Mr. Free Market’s memorable quote was:

“Dear boy, that Stag used so much oil that every time I put my foot down, I shifted BP’s share price two points.”

But…

As Jeremy Clarkson says, it still looks good, even today.  With the Rover (a.k.a. Buick) 3.6-liter engine, it might have been a world-beater except for the fact that it would rust faster than a Lancia.

Jensen Interceptor
One of the best names ever for a car.  The 1972 Jensen MkII is my favorite, with the Chrysler 7.2-liter (443 cubic inch) V8.  Built properly, with today’s machining, finishing and wiring, I’d take one in a heartbeat.

Getting the cabrio would leave off that PITA big rear window, but in either guise the Interceptor just looks fantastic.

Maserati 350 Vignale (1964)
I think Maserati has always made superior tourers (as opposed to sports cars), and this one is no exception.

Alas, like all Italian cars of that era, they suffered from and Terminal Rust Condition, but if you could address those two problems as above, the idea of setting off across Europe or the U.S. behind that wonderful 3.5-liter straight six… oh, man.

Sunbeam Alpine MkI Drophead (1953)
Why would I want to drive this oldster with its silly 2.3-liter 95hp four-banger engine?  Because it’s the car in which Cary Grant seduced Grace Kelly in To Catch A Thief, is why.  Also:

Actually, being underpowered was the least of the Alpine’s problems.  It suffered from post-war to such a degree that no two were ever wired the same way, and in some cases they used metals other than copper (Britain still suffering from post-WWII shortages of copper even though other nations e.g. Italy and Germany weren’t), with MTBF* often measured in hours.  The steering was totally shit, and the suspension was given to breaking when going over so much as a driveway entrance.

The saloon version won several rally races, but that was because they were modified beyond recognition.

But the drophead looks mahvelous, hence its inclusion in this post.

Which old cars would you like to see, resto-modded / remanufactured?  (Limit three per comment.)

*Mean Time Between Failures

Fire This Asshole

Drive Time, Wokism

Last Sunday was the Pebble Beach Concours d’Elegance, whereby car enthusiasts converge on the famed golf course and drool over the various examples of automotive gorgeousity strewn around like a rich man’s carelessly-scattered diamonds on green velvet.

Here are a couple other examples:

Iso Rivolta:

Ferrari Pininfarina:

And all was well in the land, until this little Wokist twerp got in on the act:

Let’s get two things cleared up before we continue. The first is that while the Pebble Beach Concours d’Elegance is certainly far from the most momentous cultural event of the year, it is the most prestigious car show anywhere in the world. For a few days in late summer, the 18th fairway at the Pebble Beach golf course is the very highest point for any rich person who covets vintage cars, and the highest honor for any person working in the business of restoring classics.
The second is that Mercedes was not just a car company that was busy at work doing normal car stuff during the time in which Nazis were in power in Germany. Mercedes was an early and direct supporter of Adolf Hitler long before he took power, helping him out while he was still an outsider figure in Bavarian politics. When Hitler got out of prison in 1924, he got picked up in a Mercedes-Benz.

Ergo, says this girlyman, we should not have the 540K as the winner because it was driven by Nazis.  Here’s the car in question:

And then this:

This is exactly how this car is seen in this world of the mega-rich: an encapsulation of “the optimistic mood” of Germany in 1934. Let us ask: for whom was this an optimistic time, and who is the kind of person who looks back on that time now, remembering its icons for their … optimism? Rich people, that’s who.

Wow… wealth envy and oh-so laudable “anti-Nazi” sentiment all wrapped up in a neat little bundle.  Read the whole thing to get the RCOB that Longtime Reader Ken S. warned me I’d get, when he sent it to me yesterday.  And I did.

Even better is that the writer suffers from the usual hypocrisy of his ilk, in that he owns a… Volkswagen Beetle, surely the most Hitlerish of all German cars of the 1930s.

So just for the hell of it, feast your eyes on a couple other examples of this eeeevil car:

And to hell with this wokist revisionism.  Let’s just enjoy the automotive excellence.

Pity, though:  I used to enjoy reading Jalopnik.

Automotive Control

Drive Time, Gummint, Nannies

Over the past couple years, I’ve taken a lot of guff from people when I’ve stated my implacable hostility towards the Internet Of Things [spit]  intruding on my private life, and specifically when it comes to my car.

“Oh but Kim,”  the response comes, “think of the convenience of not having to drive!” , etc. etc.  My retort to giving up control of one’s vehicle is usually, “Giving up control to whom, exactly?”

Well, here’s a little example of what I could see was coming down the pike:

The bipartisan infrastructure bill includes a provision that would require auto manufacturers to equip “advanced alcohol monitoring systems” in all new cars.
Buried in the massive proposal—which is already longer than 2,700 pages—is a section titled, “ADVANCED IMPAIRED DRIVING TECHNOLOGY,” which mandates new vehicles include “a system that … passively and accurately detect[s] whether the blood alcohol concentration of a driver of a motor vehicle is equal to or greater than the blood alcohol concentration” of .08, in which case the system would “prevent or limit motor vehicle operation.” Automobile manufacturers would have a three-year grace period to comply with the regulation.

Here’s another prognosis to this already-ghastly invasion of our privacy:  it won’t stop at “prevent or limit motor vehicle operation”.   Given the all-pervasive network of operations from Skynet, what is to stop the government (federal, state, local or a combination thereof) from levying a fine for drunken driving (to be deducted automatically from your bank account), as well as sending your car’s GPS coordinates to Officer Friendly at Hometown P.D.?

Tell me I’m exaggerating or overstating the thing, I dare you.

But it’s all for our own good, isn’t it?  So why would I be so upset about this?  After all, seatbelt mandates have saved countless lives, so why not apply the same rationale for car immobilization and punishment for intoxicated driving?

By all means, let’s all get upset when the government suggests implanting computer chips into guns so that they can be controlled by law enforcement during times of emergency — “That’s like totally beyond the pale, dude.”

This car nonsense is precisely the same thing, being suggested for all the same reasons.

I foresee a rush towards the purchase of older cars which don’t contain computers of any description — until, of course, the government outlaws ownership thereof.

Once again:  tell me I’m exaggerating or overstating the thing, I dare you.

Before Chips

Drive Time

Inspired by the post above, let’s assume that you could get your hands on three mint-condition (as-new, restored or even resto-modded) cars which were made without an onboard computer (say, for the sake of argument, before 1986), which three vehicles would you choose?  (Ignore price and maintenance costs for the sake of the exercise.)

You can have a truck, car, SUV, or any combination (two cars, one truck;  truck, car and SUV;  three trucks, etc.).

Mine:

1.)  1984 Mercedes 300 D Geländewagen W460

With a towbar and a/c, that’s my go-to truck/SUV combination.

2.)  1962 Jaguar E-type 3.8 Fixed Head Coupé

‘Nuff said.  And for a luxury, effortless drive:

3.)  1975 Mercedes 350SE W116

All day, baby.

Your choices (with reasons, if wanted) in Comments.