Horrible, unpleasant stuff
If you look very closely, you might see a common thread between all three news items below:
No? Let’s take a wild, outta-left-field guess…
The immortal words of Joe Jackson come to mind:
No amount of alcohol, sausage or bacon is safe according to cancer experts
Even small amounts of processed meats and booze increase the risk of a host of cancers outlined in World Cancer Research Fund (WCRF) guidelines updated every decade.
The respected global authority has unveiled a 10-point plan to cut your risk of getting cancer by up to 40%.
Brits have been told to banish favourites such as ham, burgers and hot dogs from their diets by experts who say they are a direct cause of bowel cancer. Processed meats also cause people to be overweight which can trigger many more cancers.
But UK experts have disagreed with the draconian advice insisting the odd bacon sandwich “isn’t anything to worry about”.
The WCRF found boozing is directly linked to increased risk of six cancers and for the first time recommended sticking to water or unsweetened drinks. The report said: “Even small amounts of alcoholic drinks can increase the risk of some cancers. “There is no level of consumption below which there is no increase in the risk of at least some cancers.”
On processed meats it added that “no level of intake can confidently be associated with a lack of risk of bowel cancer”.
Cutting down on steaks and other red meat such as lamb and pork can reduce the risk of bowel cancer.The WCRF’s 10-point health plan
- Be a healthy weight
- Be physically active
- Eat a diet rich in wholegrains, vegetables, fruit and beans
- Limit consumption of ‘fast foods’ and other processed foods high in fat, starches or sugars
- Limit consumption of red and processed meat
- Limit consumption of sugar sweetened drinks
- Limit alcohol consumption
[last three omitted because irrelevant to my Readers, e.g. breastfeeding]
I guess I’m fucked, then. Oh well. Time for some BBQ brisket, Elgin sausage and sweet iced tea. Or a steak & kidney pie, chips and a pint of London Pride?
If I’m gonna die, I want the doctors to exclaim at my post-mortem, “Bloody hell! How did he last so long?”
There’s no link because the Mirror has the most irritating ads on the planet. I went there so you don’t have to. And fuck their “fair use” guidelines.
1.) FrogPres Emanuel Macron and his Nana wife arrived in D.C. to meet with POTUS. I can only imagine what they’ll talk about, Macron being about the most pussified politician in Euroland — which is saying something. One thing’s for sure: Trump isn’t gonna grab this saggy old broad’s ass. (Incidentally, Macron is probably Over Here because they all hate him back in France.)
2.) Duchess Kate Wossname popped another sprog. As usual, the socialists are moaning that all babies should be born equal instead of being fifth in line to the throne of Britishland. Nobody cares about this except people like me, who think that all socialists should be flogged daily, and not just for being complete tools about the birth of a baby.
3.) Man runs the London Marathon in honor of his late father, then dies. So he died in honor of his dead father, but he wasn’t Japanese (in which case this might have made sense). One would have to have a heart of stone not to laugh at this story.
4.) Asswipe causes ruckus on an airliner, gets a Taser sandwich. A quick look at his mugshot should explain everything.
5.) A bunch of lesbians caught fire — oh wait, not lesbians but the Greek island of Lesbos. My bad; although you have to admit that the headline “Lesbos On Fire” could be misleading. Anyway, the “migrants” are revolting (I know: aren’t they all). Apparently they were attacked by a bunch of patriotic Greeks who are sick of all the crime and such that the”refugees” are bringing with them. (I’m not one of the above, but I can see why they might think this way.)
…and lastly:
6.) Women-only offices (so-called “coworking” spaces) are increasing in number because #MeToo or something. I have only one question to ask: could men create “men-only” work spaces to escape the bullshit that these ur-feminists bring to the workplace? Thought not. [200,000-word rant deleted]
Apparently some colleges can’t even get it right when it comes to acceptance letters:
Applicants to Columbia University’s Mailman School of Public Health were the latest anxiety-ridden group of young people to fall victim to an admissions glitch, when, in February 2017, the school accidentally sent offers of admission to 277 students then said the notices were sent in error about an hour later. But those students are just the latest in a string of others who have suffered the same fate. Schools ranging from Carnegie Mellon to Tulane have sent admissions notices in error. In 2009, the University of California-San Diego accidentally told 28,000 students they were admitted to the school, when in fact they were rejected.
Of course, the response from these blundering fools is of the “My bad!” shrugs, along with the inexcusable excuses:
The errors are likely the result of the most mundane of office problems: IT challenges.
“For some places you’re taking relatively young professionals, you’re putting them in roles where they don’t have an enormous amount of experience with business process,” Farrell said. “The other piece is that sometimes the systems on campus, the enterprise management systems, can be very complex and not terribly user-friendly.”
I’m sorry, but we as a society are way past the “Oh, the computer got it wrong” bullshit. I’m not a litigious kind of person, but this looks like a classic case of a huge class-action “pain and suffering” payout. Without some kind of financial penalty, the universities (all of whom include courses on “Computer Science” in their curricula) have absolutely no incentive to fix this situation. So the “complex, unfriendly enterprise management systems” won’t get fixed, nor will the “inexperienced young professionals” get fired; and prospective (fee-paying) students will continue to get shafted. (My suggestion: every time a person gets a false acceptance letter, that student should be entitled to a full-boat, all-expenses-paid four-year scholarship at the offending college. That, I think, would get someone’s attention.)
All in all, however, this sorry experience will also provide school-leavers with an excellent foretaste of corporate indifference and inefficiency, an experience that should stand them in good stead in their future careers. When their lives can be fucked up by a “mail-merge” mistake, young people will see at firsthand just how unimportant they are to Global MegaCorp Inc. If that doesn’t melt the “snowflake” mentality, nothing will.
Wait… so schools are now advocating bringing rocks to a gunfight?
A Pennsylvania school district is arming classrooms with buckets of rocks as a last-ditch defense against mass shooters.
David Helsel, superintendent of the Blue Mountain School District in Schuylkill County, told ABC News on Friday that every elementary, middle and high school classroom in the district is stocked with a 5-gallon bucket full of river stones for students and teachers to pelt an armed intruder.
“We’ve been trying to be proactive just in case,” Mr. Helsel said. “How can you aim a gun if you’re being pelted with rocks?”
I’m not even going to touch the obvious stupidity in this strategy.
However, when just a week ago the Army put out a statement that new recruits are unable to throw hand grenades further than a few yards because so few fathers can be bothered to play catch with their sons these days… good grief, what a bunch of pussies.
…wherein I comment on various snippets of what passes for “news” these days, and which happened to catch my eye en passant:
1.) Ireland threatens to poach U.S. business from the U.K., post-Brexit.
— It’s called the “free market”, and nobody should care about this other than the ignorant. Remember that you’ll be negotiating with the United States and against Great Britain, boyos. Good luck with that. And just hope that your masters in Brussels don’t punish you for straying outside the fold.
2.) Women achieve orgasm more often when having sex with other women than they do with men.
— Don’t care. Next:
3.) Prince Harry won’t sign pre-nuptial contract with divorced Hollywood starlet.
— Yeah, this is going to end well, considering there’s about $40 million involved. Dreamy royal ingenue vs. Hollywood lawyers… nope, not gonna take that bet. And the pussification of Harry continues apace…
4.) Saintly charity Oxfam involved with sex orgies and sexual harassment in Haiti.
— Considering that Haiti is one of the pox capitals of Shitholia, could this be conclusive proof of liberal idiocy, or is it just the Darwinian process? I report, you decide.
5.) Disloyal and dishonest asshole fired from the FBI before he can retire with multimillion-dollar pension.
— My only question: what took them so long? Should have been done over a year ago.
6.) Has-been CalGov Arnold Schwarzenwhatsit said some stupid shit in Austin, TX.
— Dude should have stuck to bonking hideous Hispanic housemaids. Of course, in Moscow-On-Colorado he’s going to get serious cheers for saying that “oil companies are killing people by abetting the burning of fossil fuels, and that all products using fossil fuels should be marked as associated with hazards like tobacco.” Yet another has-been liberal Republican who needs to just STFU.
And finally:
7.) SecState Tillerson was on the toilet when told he was fired.
— And we needed to know this… why? Somewhere out there, someone’s former journalism professor is reaching for the razor blades. (Not that this would be a Bad Thing, mind you.)