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Author: Kim du Toit
News Roundup
Today’s sponsor:
And in other health news:
… 
...we know, dude — ’cause most of them seem to have ended up in Texas.
...like tossing a pebble into mud: one small plop, no ripples, silence.
...there seems to be a lot of this going on, and it’s about time.
...it’s almost enough to make me want to go back to shopping at Target… nah, not yet.
...I like this, if only because now they won’t be able to slip in a verse from the Koran, either.
...living down to all my expectations of him.
...welcome to MY world. Fuck Joe Biden.
And from INSIGNIFICA:
...no doubt she’s all embarrassed about her wrinkles and dried-up old mimsy flaps.
...hook up with these guys, sweetie: 
…that’ll show him.
...I actually tried this, as a service to my Readers. And it tastes as bad as you think it would.
Finally, in Paige Three News:
...I’d share the link and pics, but I refuse to be responsible for all those exploding erections.
Oh, what the hell…
And that’s it, for the news.
Unaffected, Yet Still Amused
As someone who has never drunk more than a mouthful of “light” beer (true story: I tasted a Lite when I first arrived here, didn’t finish the drink, and never touched another of the type ever again), the brouhaha surrounding Bud Light’s marketing decision to elevate some girlyboy to be the brand spokesman has left me totally unmoved — well, apart from bursting out in derisive laughter, that is.
I don’t have a sexy MBA from some elite academic institution, so I’m hardly one to judge this latest example of woke stupidity [redundancy alert]. Nevertheless, here are some core principles I’ve discovered along the way, in a career that spanned over three decades of marketing and advertising.
Marketing Rule #1: You never neglect (never mind alienate) your existing customer base. They are the ones who pay your salaries and keep your production lines moving.
Marketing Rule #2: Once your brand is established, you never chase after “new” customers, but concentrate on getting your existing customers to use your product more. This is both intuitive and cost-effective, except perhaps to an inexperienced person with a sexy MBA from some elite academic institution.
Marketing Rule #3: You never make radical changes to your marketing or advertising strategy, especially when it comes into direct conflict with the philosophy of the first two rules.
Marketing Rule #4: You never let the latest “thing” drive changes to your marketing strategy, especially if that latest “thing” conflicts directly with your brand’s core principle (Unique Selling Proposition, ethos, whatever) and customer base.
And for senior management: if anyone in your marketing structure — executives, ad agency, promotion company, whatever — suggests anything that flies in the face of the above four principles, fire them immediately before they get to make those changes.
Understand that they’re not being fired for making a mistake. They’re being fired for deliberately ignoring the canon of the marketplace.
Cue: Flounder
Ripped from the headlines:
…and my reaction:
Can’t wait.
Pick Of The Litter
You have a chance to get three (and only three) cars from this collection as tax-paid gifts from the dead guy’s estate:
Read the descriptions and so on at the linked article, then make your choice and post in Comments.
Assume that you won’t immediately sell them and pocket the money. Play the game.
My three choices (in order):
Time For An Update
This is one of my favorite Reader games, and I can’t believe I haven’t run this in so long.
Here’s the setup. It’s called HANG THE SOCIALIST, and starts with the well-known Hanging Tree:
Your job, should you choose to accept it, is to put a name to each number. Your list ought to be in order of preference. (I know, only 15? Deal.)
Have at it in Comments.