Never Not Ever No Way

Commenting on this post about my car issues, Longtime Reader Fred Z. asks:

“Have you considered a small motorbike for short trips and simple errands? Cheap to buy, cheap on gas, cheap to maintain.”

And easy to fall from, be struck by another car with, and a host of other dangers.  As the meme goes:

I’ve never ridden a motorcycle, was last on one (my uncle’s) at age 10 and never again since.  Ain’t gonna happen.

I’d drive an EV before a bike, but only if it looks like this:

Bright, high-visibility yellow.  No doors so I can jump out easily if the fershlugginer thing catches fire.

Kinda like riding a bike, except with four wheels.  I am aware of the irony, thank you.

Does that answer the question?


  1. Take a look at what we in the UK call e-bikes. These are not electric motorcycles – though those exist – but electrically assisted pedal cycles. They have a top speed of 15 mph and considerable other restrictions.

    1. I also haven’t ridden on a bicycle (“push bike”, as you Brits incorrectly call them) since I was 18. Round these parts, e-scooters are known as “truck-bait”.

  2. A friend of mine is a retired ER doc. He’s always been opposed to motorcycle helmets because they typically required him to patch up the survivors. Sans helmet, all you really need is a hose.

    1. Have you been talking to Doc Russia? Because that’s what he says — AND he’s an ER doc himself, and a (helmet-wearing) bike rider.

      1. Bought my first “bike” from my cousin – who was a dealer – when I turned 15-1/2 and could get a “Learner’s Permit” from the DMV (1957).
        He strongly suggested that the package contain a proper “crash helmet” (it was a McHall, which was popular on the AMA and USAC circuits), and Mom not only concurred, she INSISTED!
        Still have that old bucket somewhere.

  3. I was thinking about getting a Honda Trail 125 as a little grocery-getter after I moved across the state to my current AO. Figured it would be just the thing for cruising around the quiet country backroads to run errands.

    Alas, the idea was built upon 20+ year-old memories of the place. The country backroads are no longer quiet: they are filled with tourists and people who have moved here from a few Big Cities and other Leftist Hellholes, and they brought their driving habits with them. Driving a tiny motorbike on backroads with SUVs piloted by Distracted Karens is a horrific traffic collision just waiting to happen.

  4. What’s the Texas economic analysis of driving (accompanied) to Central America or Mexico to buy a new car? Prohibitions, duty, safety measures, construction quality? I know they were making Beetles long after they stopped coming into ConUS.

    1. By the time you factor in the team of trained mercenary killers to run security for you, the economics of buying a car south of the border starts to lose its appeal.

      Although I’ve never looked into it, the people who try such thing with Euro and Jap cars tend to run into myriad problems getting the cars thru customs. Apparently, the authorities are dead set on not allowing in any cars that don’t meet all current safety and environmental regulations. I’m guessing because it would cause too much competition for the big 3, but maybe big brother is truly worried about your safety after all? Either way, lots of stories in the car community of vehicles impounded as they come off the ship, never to be seen again.

      I have an older Jap motorcycle and had holy hell getting it registered and licensed since the VIN code didn’t match typical American format. So even if you get the car across the border, driving it legally may be tough.

  5. I rode motorcycles from the age of 10 until 58 (I’m 66 now). I’ve ridden in 30+ different countries and just over 800,000 miles. Rode across Australia (hated it), the entire length of Chile (loved it) and in 1979, rode from San Diego across Mexico to Belmopan, Belize (never been more scared in my life, but a great time).

    I’ve only been in one accident during that entire period and that was in Alexandria, VA the week that I quit riding. Rich old lady in a Lexus trying to pass me on the entrance ramp to 395 and pinned me against the guardrail TWICE; she only stopped because I ripped her passenger-side mirror off and bashed her window in with it (yeah, yeah, anger issues–I get that way when people try to kill me). She totaled my bike and broke both my feet and one ankle. Took the settlement check and bought a lake lot on Norris Lake in TN. Didn’t want to ride angry, so I never rode again. No future in it.

    1. That’s a tough decision, but probably the right one. I’ve been riding pretty much all my life, too. From single digit age range up to 58 (current age). Had a short spell of several years where the bike sat in the garage after a minor rear-end accident where the illegal simply drove off as I say in the ditch. Wasn’t hurt, but very rattled. Finally decided I’d either ride or sell it, ended up I started riding again. I figure when I finally get too mad, or too scared, or it’s just not fun anymore, that’s when I quit. Been giving it serious thought recently. We’ll see how it goes.

  6. Yowza, an eruption of strong opinion!

    But Kim, you have the perfect build, beard and attitude to ride a huge honking Harley, when I wrote my comment I thought you might be annoyed I suggested you’d ride anything less.

    Oh well, there are those who love to fly with the Gods on two over powered wheels and those who don’t.

  7. motorcycles sure look appealing with wind in your hair and such but in reality they’re just expensive methods for donating your organs.

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