Sponsored by:
…because:
...guess that ol’ stun gun just wasn’t fully charged, huh?
...well, that’s just a vile slander against all those world-famous Black mathematicians… wait, ummm...
...so: the Serbians should have executed him first, and then the Brits shouldn’t have let him into their country. This was a fuckup so huge that multiple governments had to be involved.
...simple mistake being that he visited Australia in the first place.
...welcome to our world, geek assholes. “Don’t be evil” was a lie from the very beginning.
...only two? You’re a tough man, Sundance.
...also, rice. And white sugar, and white toilet paper, and, and, and... let’s not forget white-as-paper Norwegian academics.
...the original album wasn’t blasphemous enough, you see.
...by the way, Eatzi’s food markets in Dallas and Plano have been doing this for well over 20 years.
From the Dept. Of Priapism:
...wait, 57 and still raping? I’m thinking “over-achiever”, unless there’s a megaton of Viagra involved.
...wait: you got into a limo with a violent guy who made his living by beating other violent men half to death, and now you want to score 5 mill as a reward for your stupidity, three decades later?
And speaking of ancient history:
...lemme guess: you had absolutely no idea there would be lots of sex at Hef’s place. And you were also forced into the limo that took you there, thirty years ago.
Now, from our Nostradamus Dept. (no links, because):
…and… 
...the latter being more likely to be accurate.
And INSIGNIFICA:
...missed it by THIS much.
...serves you right for marrying Lady Gaga, mate.
Finally, from our Sports Desk (via longtime contributor Sean F.):
Mikayla Demaiter, who used to play in the Professional Women’s Hockey League as a goaltender, has had a successful career transition, and she was forced into it. Demaiter had to give up the game of hockey in 2019 after she suffered a knee injury that ended her career.
Hockey’s loss is our gain, methinks:
Cold shower, then off to work.
