1. “Nigel, darling, you DID remember to stock up on the boiling oil for the Jehovah’s Witnesses, yes?”

  2. The window washers want HOW MUCH ??!!

    What do you mean ‘I need to find a GOOD foundation repair company’ ?

    You left the bathtub running AGAIN, didn’t you ??!

  3. By careful management of his retirement benefits Baa Rack Obama has purchased his third seaside house.

  4. “Wait: you left the condoms in the East Annex?”


    “What do you mean, you’ve lost the key to the chastity belt?”

  5. Mr. Musk likes it, but he’d like structural engineers to look at one of the towers to see if it could be used as a rocket silo.”

  6. As the toilet flushed its final flush…
    The septic over-flowed with a powerful rush…
    And Rodderrick suddenly realized a devastating crush…
    He would be living in an open cesspool for the duration…
    “Not again!”

  7. Yes, dear, it does have a mother-in-law suite. Just across the bridge. Down the road. Not more than 5 miles. Uphill.

  8. “$200 million to build the castle of my dreams, and the building inspector says I can’t have a fucking drawbridge?”

  9. Welcome to the Governor William J. Lepetomane toll bridge. Somebody’s gonna have to go back to town and get a shitload of quarters.

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