News Roundup

News presented as though it matters.

and right on cue:

and homeschoolers see their numbers increase.  Until homeschoolers are also classed as “domestic terrorists” by the DOJ.

in other news, Stevie Wonder decries the color of his car.


and if you think that the second is not a maskirovka of the former, I have a NY bridge to sell you.

and why not?  It makes the same kind of sense all his other nominations have made.

you don’t say.  And because only 40% of the population vaccinated, death and chaos will ensue.

says the man who still hasn’t realized that a) he’s pretty much irrelevant by now and b) that we’re going to ignore everything he says.

if they were, I might just register as a Republican.  As it is, though

looking for a) a conscience and b) equal treatment from the Left is a pointless exercise.

From the Heart Of Stone Department:

this could only be funnier if the passenger turned out to be the groom.

And from the Department of the Blindingly Obvious:

and in other news, Japan surrenders after A-bomb dropped on Nagasaki.

okay, we’ll just go back to calling them “mothers-to-be”, until all those pregnant men start objecting to that too.



because they want to close their money-losing magazine for good  [sic].

And as a reminder of what Playboy models used to look like:

No girly-boy can ever compete… but that’s not gonna stop the Super-Woke descendants of Hugh Hefner, is it?

Confederacy Of Awful

In the traditional sense, the word “awful” had the precise opposite of its meaning today;  something “awful” (or “awe-full”) created awe in the listener or viewer, rather than making one want to puke.

I suspect that “awe-full” was intended in the creation of this list.  But as one who as World Emperor would impose a retroactive global ban on any structure taller than twenty floors, the list simply makes me want to head for the barf bag.

As far as I’m concerned, of course, “Ten Best Skyscrapers” could just as easily be “Ten Best Snakebites”.  That this is an annual competition depresses me even more.  Here’s one example, taken at random:

And, to add insult to injury, the “Tour Alto” (6th place) is in Paris.

Kill them all.

Expansion Opportunity

As S&W has haughtily turned its back on Texas, we look to our Cousins Across The Pond for future investment in the Lone Star State:

Greggs today warned supply issues were pushing up the cost it pays for food and labour – presenting the risk of future price rises – as it promised sausage rolls are safe despite the UK’s pork crisis…

The Newcastle-based chain is also looking into opening overseas locations for the first time.

For my Murkin Readers who may have forgotten about this fabulous company and its most excellent wares:

From the top:  sausage roll, steak bake, cheese & onion.

And there are more, oh so much more.

[takes moment to wipe up drool]

I know that you folks at Greggs have probably employed vast armies of Bainies and McKinzies to ascertain where your best opportunities lie here in Murka — and if their suggestions don’t include the US, fire them — but I can save you a ton of money simply by suggesting the Dallas-Ft. Worth metroplex.

  • Fourth-largest metro area in the U.S. (7.65 million)
  • One of the fastest-growing metro areas in the U.S.
  • We have a large expat community, including not only Brits and Aussies, but Seffricans as well, for whom sossies and steak pies are comfort foods like few others.
  • The DFW-London air travel route is always full, not just of the aforesaid, but Texans going there for vacations and business purposes.  They will know about Greggs.

Now I know that a bunch of Californians are going to say the same kind of thing about their state — but compare the time and cost in getting a food business operating license (hint:  months and thousands of dollars in CA vs. days and scores of dollars in TX) and we haven’t even talked about the tax benefits (TX: low vs. CA: astronomical) and cost of land/rents (TX: low vs. CA: don’t even ask).  And most Californians eat fucking salads more than pastries anyway, whereas we Texans loves us our fried pies and baked anything.

And by the way, I scored 7/11 on your quiz, and I haven’t been Over There in nearly four years.  If that’s not a Greggs fan, I don’t know what is.

So waddya say, Greggs?