5 Worst Men

…to have in the room with you after you’ve just had stomach surgery, and it hurts like hell to laugh:

  • Billy Connolly (“Och laddie, yer stomach looks like just another Saturday night in Glasgow.”)
  • Craig Ferguson (“If you were a woman after a C-section, you’d have to get up and wipe the baby’s shitty arse because it’s Match Of The Day on TV and your hubby’s AWOL at the pub.”)
  • Richard Pryor (“You think stitches  hurt?  Try settin’ yo’self on fire, honkie.”)
  • Robin Williams (“Stomach surgery is God saying to you, ‘Here, try a little cocaine.’ “)
  • Bill Burr (“Look, I’m not saying what you have isn’t terrible — but ever had your girlfriend’s broken acrylic nail wedged in your hemorrhoids?”)

Your nominations in Comments.


  1. “…ever had your girlfriend’s broken acrylic nail wedged in your hemorrhoids?”

    Oh dear. He went there. smfh

  2. Jeff Foxworthy (If your doctor used copper wire pulled from the battery cable of the car on blocks in his front yard, you might be a redneck)

    Bill Engval (Does it hurt? Yes, here’s your sign.)

    Jeff Dunham’s puppet Walter (I once had stomach surgery just to get away from my wife before she hopped on her menstrual cycle and ran my ass over).

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