5 Worst Things To Find In Your Teenage Daughter’s Bedside Drawer

There can be few things more horrible for a father than to discover what his innocent young teenage daughter is actually up to. Here are the five worst things to find in her bedside drawer, ranked in ascending order of awfulness:

  • a 60-pack of condoms, half-empty
  • a personally-signed photo and love note from some rapper you’ve never heard of
  • a book entitled “10 First Steps To Becoming A Furry”
  • a pregnancy test stick showing positive
  • a letter of acceptance from Oberlin College’s Department of Feminist Studies

Your suggestions on the topic in Comments, please


  1. Never look in your Daughters drawers.

    Worse is taken her and her underage boyfriend home and they are moaning an panting in the back seat like two long lost lovers.

    Never mind how I know.

  2. Copies of your credit cards and keys to the Ferrari – especially if you just had a heated discussion with Vito and Tony down at the shop about unaccounted for mileage and excessive tire wear.

  3. A heavily thumbed copy of the Koran.

    An appointment book with men’s names, dollar amounts, and notations such as “wants anal”, “threesome – call Tiffany”, “light bondage”, and “GFE”.

    A handgun that is much too large for her and smells of recent use.

    A prescription for AZT.

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