Category: Travels

Well I walked all around this crowded planet
But I walked all alone;
Though the places change, the faces stay the same.
Spending my money thinking up funny stories that you tell
In a noisy bar where no one knows your name.
Running out of places still worth running to,
Taking pictures no one’s home to see;
Making deals with small-town tourists traveling alone:
“I’ll take one of you in Rome
If you’ll take one of me.”

— Paul Williams, Look What I’ve Found

The above memory was prompted by this article, wherein a list of 40 reasons is cited as to why it’s better to travel alone.

I hate that.  For me, solo travel is not worth the effort, and unshared memories are completely pointless.  But:  sitting alone in a Paris bistro?  drinking coffee and eating pastries in a Viennese coffee bar, by yourself?  looking into shop windows inside London’s Burlington Arcade, just for your own curiosity?

I get it, by the way;  having complete control of your own itinerary is great, because you get to do only what you want to do.  But honestly, often someone else’s “wannado” can open your mind to something fine you might otherwise have missed.

I remember taking New Wife to see the wonderful Green & Stone artists’ supply shop in Chelsea, and after browsing around and being captivated, she said:  “It makes you want to take up art, just so that you can use all these lovely things.”

I’d visited Green & Stone several times in the past, but I’d never been able to put into words what she (my traveling companion) did so effortlessly:  and it made the whole experience better.

Worst of all, of course, is at the end of the day you, the solo traveler, have to go to bed without someone to lie next to, to cuddle and recap the day’s wonders;  and you don’t get to fall asleep next to the warm body of someone you love.

Travel alone?  Pah.

I’ve traveled all over the United States with my friend Trevor, both as foreign tourists and later as domestic tourists.  I can truthfully say that in all that time, there is not a single day we spent together that would have been better spent alone.  Even when we were freezing our nuts off:

Or keeping warm, so to speak:

Don’t ask.

Here’s another take.  On one of our trips (can’t remember where, but somewhere on the East Coast), we went to a noisy bar where no one knew our names, but a group of people was having a huge party — except that the two guys who’d brought guitars for a sing-along couldn’t play for shit, and only knew a couple of songs.

Ordinarily, I’d just have shrugged the thing off and left when I got bored;  but NO! my friend Trevor pointed to me and shouted out:  “Hey!  My buddy here can play guitar!  And he knows quite a few songs!”

I didn’t kill him, but took the guitar and started to play, just for the hell of it — which I’d never have done by myself.

The party lasted till 1am.  (Okay, a wee bit longer than that, as I recall.)

Travel alone?  That’s for other people.  Give me my wife, my kids or a close buddy like Trevor, and I’ll take that accompanied trip all the way over being on my own.  Seven days a week.

Not at that price, not even for free would I fly

• on United and
• to San Francisco
• at any time.

Thank you for your offer, though.

According to some guys on the Internet, the ten most overrated tourist destinations in the world are:

Of the ones I’ve been to (all but three), I’d agree with the inclusion of NYFC, Los Angeles and Rome, all of which are the dregs.

However, when you look at the reasons for said reactions, “long queues to get into museums” ranks really high — so, not of much interest to me then, because I’m a traveler, not a tourist, and other than a very few exceptions*, museums are not high on my list of things to do.

I have little of no interest in visiting Istanbul or Anatolia, unless the current crop of Muslim assholes in Turkey’s government moderates their stance towards Westerners.

I desperately want to see Milan at some point, but not for the usual “tourist” reasons;  I wanna eat the food, drink the wine and imagine what it would be like to actually live there (which is the main reason I travel at all).

Then there’s this, about Paris:

The city has even coined its own syndrome, Paris Syndrome. The condition is described as a sense of extreme disappointment experienced visiting Paris if the city doesn’t live up to expectations.

I went to Paris expecting to hate it, and came away completely in love with it.  (NB:  that was well over a decade ago;  what Paris may have become since all the North Africans have arrived may change my opinion.)

I’ve been to London so many times that I’ve become tired of life, because as Johnson added, “…for there is in London all that life can afford.”  The key word here is “afford”, because London is spendy, Bubba.  The only reason I’d go to London anymore is to hang out with the dreaded Mr. Free Market (when he’s there and not away in the West Country, flogging the staff at Free Market Towers), with visits to such places as John Rigby and Wm. Purdey & Son as well as the usual places where one may destroy one’s liver (of which Mr. FM has a seemingly-endless list).

Putting my beloved Vienna on the “overrated” list makes me want to have another breakfast gin lest I be tempted towards violence.

And Rome sucks green donkey dicks.  The food is mediocre, the place overrun with tourists and African criminals (and I was there in winter), and were it not for the excellent Vatican tour, I cannot think of any reason to go there.

One last note:  I asked New Wife where in Europe, if we won the lottery, she would like to visit (either for the first time, or a return trip).

“Amsterdam” (she’s been there before) “…Barcelona, and the French Riviera.”

No argument from me on any of them.

*Rijksmuseum in Amsterdam and Kunsthistorischesmuseum in Vienna, both of which I’ve already visited anyway.

Once again, travel advice from the Stupid to the Gullible:

The 30 best destinations to visit in 2023 named by Lonely Planet: Manchester, South Scotland, Sydney and New Mexico are among the places you MUST explore next year

Of the four, southern Scotland is the only one I’d consider, and then only in summer or early fall.  I’ve been there, it’s beautiful, and ’nuff said.

As for the rest of the top four… New Mexico?  The Africa of the United States?  It is, as they say, to LOL.

I have been warned against going to Manchester by several people, most especially by Mr. Free Market, who only ventures north of the M4 to kill stags (here’s his latest):

And everyone knows about my hostility towards Oz, following my (twice-)aborted trips to visit grandchildren over there, with both the OzGov and Qantas earning my undying hatred in the process.  Too far, too expensive, too much hassle, and fukkem.

Passing note on some of the other places mentioned in the article:

• Dominica used to be well known to Americans looking for an easy way to get a non-U.S. passport.  I don’t know if it’s still that way, but there it is.  Just don’t visit there during the hurricane season.
• Marseilles?   I’d rather go to Tunis, and I don’t want to go there either.
• South Africa for ‘affordable world class dining’ — it is about the ONLY reason to go there, anymore;  restaurants are not only affordable, but astoundingly cheap, and the food/wine are excellent.  But otherwise, the only good thing about Seffrica is that U.S. citizens can take their handguns over, and carry them after getting a pro forma temporary gun license.  (There’s more to it, but it’s an easy process.)  Of course, you’re most likely to need said handgun because South Africa is one of the most violent countries on the (lonely) planet.

Feel free to add your comments about the other places mentioned in the article.

Once again, somebody’s been visiting another planet where the cities have the same names as those on Earth:

Somebody’s been traveling under the influence of Ambien, or something.

Or maybe this report was filed in 1988 and they only got round to publishing it now.  Whatever, here are a few of the beautiful landscapes in Seattle:

…and I wasn’t even trying.

If someone visits Seattle as a result of having read this article, they should sue the stupid newspaper.  Talk about fake news…