Tag: Cars

Here we have James May hammering on about the joys of driving a Beach Buggy, and I agree with everything he says.

However, I have one small difference of opinion with him, and it’s about that “no protection from the rain” thing.  Maybe the Brits are inured to being wet, given that it’s always raining Over There;  but ever since I got caught in a tropical downpour whilst riding in the back of an open Army truck, I’ve hated it.  (I don’t mind a gentle drizzle falling on me, by the way, as long as I’m wearing a waterproof hat and raincoat — but trapped in an open car?  Nope.  Pure misery.)

So my alternative would be, lessee:  something in fiberglass, wrapped around a VW engine (just like the Beach Buggy)… but with at least a token amount of protection against the wet stuff.  Something like this (no it’s not a real 356, but a  deepfake  replica):

…and with its hat on:

I know it looks faintly ridiculous, like some old fart with his cap pulled down low over his eyes (yeah I know, I know), and that flimsy canvas thing would not be very good at fending off a Texas-style rainstorm (like that tropical rainstorm I spoke of earlier, only with Added Hail).  But it would keep me dry enough until I got home, or under a freeway overpass or whatever.

Want. Badly.

For all the same reasons James May loves his Buggy.  And just like the Buggy, it has a near-total lack of electronica:

…and trust me, I could do without the radio.

Hmmmm… for about the cost of a new Honda SUV, you could have this beast instead:

1965 Chevrolet Biscayne Station Wagon

Lemme see:  a bench seat, four-on-the-floor, that fine Chevelle 402 engine, a tow hitch and a bobbing head thingy on the dashboard…

Are you kidding me?

Yeah I know, the Biscayne (in all its incarnations) handles like a barge, uses gasoline faster than you can throw it out the window in 5-gallon cans, and has steering that can charitably be called “vague”;  to mention just some of the objections that will be hurled at me in Comments, no doubt.

Don’t care about any of that.  It’s frigging wonderful:  a vision of mid-60s excess, a manly (family-manly?) vehicle that today would stop traffic (for all sorts of reasons) as I went about my daily business of chugging around north Texas as I visit the range, the supermarket and local bookstores.  And I do believe it has space to carry all my guns to a Schutzenfest — in itself, no small thing to be sure.

Maybe it’s a Good Thing that I didn’t win the lottery last Wednesday night [sob], because otherwise I’d be talking to a guy in Yucaipa CA right at this very moment.

…or, “O be still, my beating heart”.

As Longtime Readers know full well, I have always been a YUGE fan of Alfa Romeo cars despite never having owned one.  Pound for pound, I think that Alfa Romeo have made some of the world’s most beautiful cars over their long and storied history.  Here are just a few, to illustrate my point:

1935 Tipo 8C 2900B

1936 8C 2300 Le Mans Tourer

1938 8C 2900B Mile Miglia

1954 1900 C Super Sport Touring

1959 Giulietta Spider Veloce

1965 Giulia Super Sport 1965

1966 2600 Spider
 

1966 Giulia Super

(quite possibly my favorite “small family saloon car” of all time)

1967 33 Stradale

1967 Spider Duetto

1970 Junior Zagato

1970 GTV Veloce

…and I think you get my drift.

Now, as any fule kno, Alfa Romeo have also been, in the memorable words of James May, “purveyors of disappointment for decades”, in that they are and always have been hopelessly unreliable.  That sweet howl of the 1600cc engine and silky gear change are inevitably followed by a clutch failing after only 2,000 miles, or a rearview mirror falling off on the way home from the showroom, or any number of other ailments which manufacturers like Honda managed to address long ago.

This has not deterred the “Alfisti”, that devoted band of  fools  followers of the brand who despite all hurdles, have an abiding love of anything Alfa Romeo.

For an Alfisto wannabe like me, therefore, the abiding thought is:  if only Alfa could do actual engineering production of their cars (instead of just matchless design and styling), would they not be a brand to be reckoned with in the car market?

Well, someone has set out to do just that, only in the Alfa aftermarket.  Take a few minutes to see how Alfaholics manage to do it.

You can just also watch the Throttle House nerds drive one (as well as a Porsche 911K [sic] ).

My final thought:  if I won a really big lottery, I’d get these maniacs to work their magic on a 1971 Montreal.

The thought of that glorious 2.6-liter engine getting up to 11,000rpm…

Now maybe you’ll understand the OBSMBH title.

Okay, I saw this (via Insty) and was immediately irritated.

Everyone wants to know about the Ford Fathom. What does it look like? What standard features will it have? What will be optional, and how much will the extras cost?

Well, not quite everyone, Simon.

My first question:  Who the hell wants an electric Duracell truck?  Having once lived in downtown Chicago, I can see (and always have seen) the desirability of an electric vehicle for inner-city or short-commute trips (more the former than the latter).  Small, tight parking places?  No problem.  Tiny gaps in traffic between large delivery trucks?  Likewise.  But why would you want to own a load-bearing vehicle when a heavy load is going to drain your battery quicker than Bill Clinton’s hand going for an intern’s bra clip?

No.  If Ford (or any manufacturer) wants to make a small inexpensive pickup, allow me to suggest that they use as a template the fantastic Datsun 120Y from the 1970s:

I once owned one of these little nuggets, and I absolutely loved it:  tiny 1200cc engine which went through gas slower than a teetotaller sipping Laphroiag single malt, but had plenty enough power for just about any payload short of lead bars or two Lizzos in its tiny truckbed.  I got it (very) secondhand because I was a Very Poor Student, kept it for over two years and never had a thing go wrong with it.  To call the 120Y “basic transportation” would be a misnomer:  “minimalist” would be a better description of its two or three features (heater, windshield wipers… actually I think that’s about it), and in today’s dollars, it cost the equivalent of about $8,000.

Yeah, it didn’t have airbags, safety belts or any of today’s OMG SAFETY!!!! must-haves, but surely, at some point, one has to make some kind of grownup decision about the compromises one may make — without the fucking heavy hand of Big Nanny Gummint making all your decisions for you.

Moving on…

My next truck (owned not in Seffrica but in Chicago) was this one, the 1993 Mazda B4000 (NOT the Ford Ranger equivalent, which was a shitty alternative):

Oh my.  That Mazda 4-liter V6 engine — all the power one would ever need — with that mini-backseat to accommodate things like kids and gun cases. I got it secondhand, with only 11,000 miles on it.  I loved that truck, lost it in the Great Divorce Of 1994, and ex-Wife #2 drove it until it literally fell apart in, I think, 2015 as much out of sheer metal fatigue as because of minimal maintenance.   Cost:  in today’s dollars, about $14,000.

Now these are two trucks that together could satisfy the transportation and trucking needs of just about anyone not engaged in heavy industry.  And at prices — even in today’s straitened financial times — that wouldn’t empty the wallet, either.

Yeah, maybe the Datsun would be adjudged today as more dangerous than a Muslim jihadist with C4 underwear, but a reincarnated B4000?

Slam frigging dunk…

…which means it will never happen, because gawd forbid today’s car manufacturers should address the needs of their customers over the wallets of their shareholders.

There’s much more money to be made turning out faddish, underpowered and overpriced ($30 grand?  FOAD) toys.  From the article:

We think it’s meant to signal capability since critics have questioned whether a small, low-riding, electric pickup will be able to do “real” truck things like towing, hauling, and off-roading.

It won’t.

From Reader GT3Ted:

1. How many miles do you drive a year? — less than 100 miles per week, about 4,000 per annum.  Some weeks I don’t go out at all, other than a quick trip to the grocery store (about half a mile from the house).
2. Primary trip type ? I’m assuming you don’t have a daily 30 mile comment to the city in stop & go heavy traffic 5 days a week — my only “regular” commute is to the range (4 miles), and that only once or twice / week.
3. Short forays into the Texas Heat? Or more weekly 100 mile adventures? — the furthest I ever drive, and that maybe once a month, is to visit the Son&Heir or the Sooper-Seekrit Mailbox place, a 40-mile round trip.  Longer trips, maybe once a year.
4. How religious are you about fluid changes? Not just occasional trips to Jiffy-lubes. When if ever did you have the transmission oil flushed and renewed. Engine coolant flushed and renewed? — I do a major fluid change every 25,000 miles, oil changed and fluids checked every 3,500 miles.  My transmission belt(s) will be due a change at the next major service (150,000 miles), which is going to cost me quite a bit.

I take car maintenance seriously, ever since my dad (an engineer) once said, “Look after a car engine properly, and it will last just about indefinitely.”

And I drive a car gently (nowadays;  not as a youngin of course, because hormones/testosterone):  no heavy acceleration, no speeding, none of that stuff.