Arriving in my Inbox yesterday afternoon:
Clearly, American isn’t scrutinizing my website, or else they’d have seen this, this and this.
Category: Marketing / Advertising
Pointless Shit
I’m always ranting about how the auto industry has overloaded basic transportation with evermore-complex technology (3 seat-position memory options? FFS), but of course, they’re not the only ones.
Here’s another example, seen via a link on Insty’s page:
What a load of bullshit. My old Keurig essentially has two options: size of cup, regular/strong brew, and that’s it. (“High Altitude Setting”? FFS #2)
Oh wait… I forgot mine’s warning light for “There’s No More Water In The Reservoir, You Idiot, Can’t You See Through The Clear Plastic?”
Let’s not forget the lie of “Brushed Silver” when it’s just shiny plastic.
And forgive me, but the whole point of a Keurig is that you can make a cuppa quickly without waiting for the water to boil, so the “Auto On/Off” switch is the work of Satan. (Yeah, “saves electricity” blah blah blah… fuck the whales.)
Needless to say, in the spirit of manufacturers everywhere, my model Keurig is no longer available; so when it finally quits working, I’ll be forced to buy one of these multi-featured over-complex monstrosities at, of course, a price which is 40% more than I paid for mine.
Don’t even talk to me about the cost of replacing my ageing VW, or my soaring blood pressure will ensure that the Tiguan outlives its owner.
Well, So Much For That Tagline
We’re all accustomed to the advertising tagline from the Kraut carmakers which touts “German engineering” as the selling proposition for buying one of their overpriced cars.
That doesn’t seem to be the case, as evidenced by this J.D. Power survey of not so long ago:
It’s a large sample (80,000), by the way (the full methodology can be found here).
Basically, apart from all the Kraut shenanigans involved with cartels and illegal manipulations (diesel emissions coff coff etc.), it all boils down to the Germans making their cars evermore sophisticated but in doing so, more fragile and prone to breakage.
Where have we heard this before? Oh yeah, pretty much everywhere.
And people snigger when I say how much I’d prefer to drive something like a Merc 280 SL than any of their newer models…
Right In My Wheelhouse
I am approached almost daily by marketing people/companies who want to put ads in this website. Most — okay, all — of them run and hide when I tell them my conditions… but I have no problem with putting up an ad hoc ad like this one (because I believe in its cause):
If this isn’t worthy of our support, what is?
Mention my name, and nothing will happen — because this isn’t a paid endorsement. See how that works?
Dead Horse, Beating Of
In this case, the dead horse would be me — or rather, my plans to fly on that fucking Oz airline to their poxy country. But that’s not what this latest breathless missive is about, oh no:
Hi Kim,
This month, I have some exciting news to share about the investments we’re making to improve your experience with us.
Firstly, our new A220s took to the skies last week. Featuring sleek new comfortable interiors, they offer a more sustainable way to fly across Australia and beyond. We’ve also improved the Qantas App so you can now track your checked baggage on any Qantas operated flight.
This is just the start of the investments and improvements we’re making, and I look forward to keeping you updated.
“Digital Officer”, hey? Then you’ll have no problem interpreting this digital signal, then:
I’m so glad that Qantarse is getting all those shiny new planes which make flying more “sustainable” (do they even realize how full of shit they sound?), as opposed to simply “more economical”.
It’s just too bad that I’m never going to sit in one.
Back when I was in the customer loyalty business, I remember setting targets as to how often we would try to entice a customer to shop with us — as I recall, after four or five fruitless attempts, we’d give it up as a lost cause.
I’m curious to see how long it will take OzAir to come to that conclusion with me.
Nazzo Fast, Guido
Look, nobody knows better than I that the essence of marketing is to expand demand for a proven product. But then I see this:
Springfield Armory has refreshed the popular TRP line of professional-level 1911s. The TRP is based on the Springfield Armory Professional 1911, which was originally chosen for use by the FBI’s Hostage Rescue Team, and now the line has been refreshed to offer six new .45 ACP models with a wide range of new features.
The TRP platforms are specifically designed and built for demanding 1911 enthusiasts. Each pistol begins with a forged frame and slide for strength and durability. Each pair is the hand-selected for slide-to-frame fit and numbered to marry them with their matching components throughout the build process. The result is a premium fit, with refined blending and rock-solid performance.
Providing an additional touch of custom detail, all TRP pistols feature sighting plane serrations along the top of the slide. The result is an attractive touch that offers the shooter an enhanced sight picture and maximum light diffusion. Also on top of the slide is a tritium three-dot sight system for a clear sight picture under any lighting environment.
Springfield Armory chose VZ Grips and their combat-ready Hydra series of grips for the new TRP pistols. The deep relief channels provide aggressive purchase without being overly sharp, while exposing the layers and patterns of the G-10 material. In addition, all TRP pistols feature 20 lines per inch (LPI) checkering on the frame for an enhanced grip with either wet or gloved hands.
And then the kicker:
TRP Classic 5 inch and TRP Classic 4.25 inch have an MSRP of $1,899.
The TRP Rail 5 inch Black, 5 inch Coyote Brown and TRP CC 4.25 inch Black and TRP CC 4.25 inch Coyote Brown have an MSRP of $1,999.
So basically, it’s a budget Nighthawk, except in that baby-shit Coyote Brown — the gunny equivalent of the putty-colored automobile.
I’m sure the Government alphabet-agencies are just going to love them, because WTF they have the budget to afford these things. So will all those wannabe “operators” because they’re always up for the Latest Thing that all the cool kids have to have.
Me?
Clearly, I’m not in the target market for the TRP. And that’s fine by me.