Dept. Of Righteous Shootings

Stop me if you’ve heard this one

Seems like an Olde Phartte went to his local ATM to draw himself a little bingo money, whereupon a yoot approached him with a gun and demanded that the Olde Phartte share — i.e. 100% for the yoot and the rest for its owner.

Well, even in Chicago this didn’t seem like a fair exchange, so Our Hero drew his own gun and swapped a few rounds with the goblin, with a decent outcome in that the goblin assumed room temperature and Our Hero was only slightly wounded.

Seems as though the Chicago PD are going to behave themselves, and Our Hero will not be charged.

Lies? Oh No!

Say it ain’t so:

Electric cars have up to a third less battery life than advertised when driven in real-life conditions, an investigation has found. 

The official figures provided by car manufacturers for how many miles an EV can drive on full charge are based on a standardised test done only in warm conditions. 

But an investigation by What Car magazine has found that when the cars are driven in the real-world, particularly in colder temperatures, their batteries go flat much faster. 

In other revelatory news, politicians’ promises aren’t to be trusted, he won’t call you next time he’s in town, and she does love you just for your money, Mr. Murdoch.

Just As Ordered

Reader Don L. suggests, correctly, that I would enjoy this little snippet:

Of all the things that you think could make you more attractive, what you have for breakfast wouldn’t necessarily be one of them.

But, new research has linked what you tuck into in the morning to how much you’re desired by others.

The small study published in Plos One, looked at the impact on facial attractiveness of eating refined carbohydrates (so-called “bad carbs”) for breakfast compared to eating unrefined carbohydrates (“good carbs”).

Researchers at the University of Montpellier found the amount of carbohydrates someone eats was statistically linked with their facial attractiveness as rated by heterosexual members of the opposite sex.

Well, yes.  I know I’m at my best after one of the above:

This would explain why women throw themselves at me every time I walk out of a Brit restaurant… [eyecross]

Compare and contrast the facial characteristics of some who’s just “enjoyed” a vegan breakfast of whatever it is that vegans eat:

Q.E.D.

Cold & Wet

Woke up yesterday to grey and gloomy skies, with occasional drizzle and a chilly breeze.  More like Britishland than like Texas this spring, so far.

I love it.  The Texas spring, that is, because the longer it stays like this (it won’t, according to the forecast) the longer that the temperatures of Texas Broil a.k.a. summer are kept at bay.

Britishland spring, on the other hand, is nothing like this — more like Texas winter, in fact — as witnessed by yesterday’s start of the racing season at Cheltenham, where the ladies’ clothing was more shall we say sensible:


(note to my Murkin Readers:  scarlet trousers for men are generally an infallible sign of the upper classes Over There)

What’s definitely not a mark of the upper classes would be outfits such as these:

Ugh… quick, back to the totties:

 

Quite disappointing, really;  but Cheltenham usually is, being more of a classy event than the others.

Never mind… soon it will be the turn of the Grand National at Aintree.  Can’t wait.

News Roundup

And off we go into Truthsville:


...when you have to rely on Russians for the truth


...excellent news.  Of course, there are some holdouts:


...this all started when NJ instituted “pistol permit” fees;  proof that you should never allow Gummint to create a new revenue source because once in, it never goes away and can always be used for their, and not your benefit.

And speaking of anti-gunners:


...you’d think that being married to Mrs. Heinz Ketchup would give Fuckface some security against being a paid agent of the Commies, but I’m guessing China’s sponsorship predates the nuptials.


...as Audi does a Jaguar.


...no doubt a result of the Great Cultural Assimilation Project, but either way:

In Political News:


...a) why do we even listen to anything this asshole says, and b) who is this Katie Britt person?

And speaking of people we should be ignoring:


...somebody explain to me why a “pre-60s world” would be so bad.  Nobody?  Thought so.


...probably the only truly funny thing this so-called comedienne has said in in the past forty years.

From the Great Anti-Woke Revolution:


...oh, the temerity of voters to oppose the Great And The Good.  Also:


...LOL the Wannabe Men slap down the Wannabe Women.

From the Police Files:


...can anyone argue that whatever his sentence, it should include weekly ball-kickings?  Nobody?  Thought not.  And ditto this asshole:


...said ball-kicking to occur while awaiting execution, of course Oh wait… it’s Britishland.  Two-day suspended sentence coming in 3… 2… 1...

And now we have some

    


no, it’s not an example of bad track-laying.  The simple addition of the word “fallen” will clarify the matter.

Let’s end with some Hottie News:


...oh yeah, some hemi-centenary Roller Girl action.

And that’s the news roundup for today.


By the way, today’s sponsor is an actual chain which appears to cater to the college crowd  If you want four inches of serious action, here’s where you can get it: