Personality Hires


Apparently, Gen Z has decided that a skillset isn’t the most important thing you need in the workplace because morale and smiles are more important than all that efficiency nonsense, right?

I remember “personality hires” back when I was in the supermarket business.  We referred to them as “baggers”, because a) they didn’t need much in the way of job skills, and b) customers liked it when they interacted with young smileyfaces at the end of their transaction.

The best part was when these inkstains on the corporate blotting paper decided that they “deserved” either a salary increase or promotion just because they’d been on the job for a couple months.

It’s been a while, so I’ve forgotten the corporate-speak for “you must be out of your fucking mind”  or its companion statement, “fuck off and come back when you’ve proved why I shouldn’t fire you right now”.

If the only thing you’re bringing to a job — any job — is your “personality”, you may as well resign yourself to a life of poverty.  Or prostitution (e.g. in the public relations industry, don’t get me started).

Fucking entitled wankers.


  1. Everybody that’s in a hiring position is having difficulty finding people to work. Seems the only viable metric are the older people but most of them carry huge baggage as well. In 10 years or less all of it will be a disaster.

  2. I have a friend who runs a construction firm specializing in one of the trades. We were having this conversation (for context it was over 10 years ago).

    “To get on my crew as something other than an apprentice you had to be a qualified electrician/plumber/concrete layer, etc. person to get us to look at you. A few years back we started to not be able to get qualified workers so if you could pass a drug test, show up on time, we’d train you for the job. Then we dropped the drug test requirement, and the show up on time, requirement, to just fucking show up, and we still are shorthanded”

  3. “Based on market realities and comprehensive industry wage research, increases in compensation are contraindicated at this time.”

  4. Know what boosts my morale and makes me smile? You knowing how to do your job so I don’t have to.

  5. A bit of a tangent – in the early 90s a friend of mine had a contract putting up telephone poles in the southwest. Grueling, backbreaking labor, especially in the summertime when most of the work was done. It paid quite well, but he had a hard time finding reliable people until he happened upon his preferred labor pool: Mexicans. He made sure they were properly documented, and they busted their ass for him. He had a hard time finding Americans who would step up. I guarandamntee Gen Z would collapse into the fetal position at the prospect.

    Even more of a tangent – I was on the air in radio for a good long while, and I’m constantly critiquing the air talent I hear. Quite often shaking my head in disbelief. For example: listening to an oldies station in the car the other day, and a millennial or gen Z jock was back announcing John Denver’s Rocky Mountain High; desperate to show off how hip & well informed he was. Regaled his listeners with how racy the title was back in the day, & how JD was accused of singing about weed. “But John Denver said the song was spiritual! Yeah! It was never about Mary You Know Who! Yeah! And if you ask him today, he’ll tell ya the same thing! Yeah!”

    Tangent 3.0: At my last commercial gig, my morning guy had arranged to do a phone interview with Casey Kasem, and forgot to tell me about it. He also neglected to mention the call would be coming into the studio during my shift. I answered the phone.

    “Hi, this is Casey Kasem. I’m calling for Dave Hansen. Is he around?”

    I thought to myself: damn – that sounds EXACTLY like Casey freaking Kasem. So instantly I flashed on my buddy Ron, who does amazing voices, impressions, accents, etc. Plus phone gags are always part of his show wherever he’s on the air. So obviously it’s Ron fucking with me.

    “Ron – what’s up bro? Something wrong with your voice?”

    “I’m sorry. This is Casey Kasem. I’m calling for Dave Hansen. Can I speak to Dave please.”

    “Jesus Christ, Ron. Casey Kasem doesn’t sound anything like that. Give it up and move on, bitch.”

    We had another similar exchange, and “Casey” is getting pissed. Because I’m so perceptive, it occurs to me: this might not be Ron after all. But CK calling my pissant little studio? No way.

    “So. You’re Casey Kasem.”

    “I believe I’ve told you that several fucking times.”

    “No kidding! You know what? I’m Britany Spears. Why don’t you come on over and we’ll play with my tits.”

    When that didn’t shake “Casey” off his little game, I opened the studio door, with the phone about 6″ from my face. “Hey Dave – telephone!”

    “Who is it?”

    “Some fucking moron says he’s Casey Kasem.”

    Dave came running over looking as if I’d pissed on his grave, & and had me transfer the call to the production room. Casey had a notoriously inflated ego, and Dave said it took a solid 10 minutes to talk him down. “You tell your PD if I ever meet him, I’m kicking his balls into his lungs.”

    And look at him now: he’s dead.

    Speaking of Casey’s ego, this never fails to put a shit-eating grin on my face. You’re welcome.

  6. Slant Eye,

    That Casey Kasem clip was priceless! Thank you. I got tears running down my face from laughing so hard.

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