5 Worst Life Lessons

Ranked in ascending order of bad:

  • All guns are always loaded.
  • Speaking your mind at your job may make you feel all righteous and stuff, but the boss may not feel the righteousness.
  • Ditto your wife.
  • You will not be respected in the morning.
  • Despite all the hoopla about it, sex with a virgin is terrible, with all that pain and crying, regret and recrimination.  And it’s even worse with a girl.

Your suggestions in Comments.


  1. – if you intend to kick ass, you’d better bring ass
    – don’t let your mouth write checks your ass can’t cash
    – you have the right to remain silent but lack the ability
    – if you have to ask if you’ll be respected in the morning, you won’t
    – His first football game was like his first time having sex, he wound up bruised, bloody and sore. But at least his father came.

  2. Some people, losers, plan things forever, thinking, dreaming, hoping. Others, winners, plan things briefly, then stand up and do them.

    When I was in my 30s, relatively successful in a safe job, I talked about a nice piece of highway front development land in a nearby growing small town. I did that, often it seems, to a friend who was a realtor and a developer.

    One day he waked into my office with an offer to purchase drawn up for the property at what he said was a fair price. He told me to sign it and cough up a $10K check or he’d call me a wanker forever and tell me to shut up if I ever talked about “plans” of doing a deal ever again.

    It took me a week to digest what he said, to change the offer terms a bit and to get the courage to write and sign a check. I haven’t looked back.

    The Nike shoe guys are right: “Just do it”.

  3. Things that I learned from my dad:

    The house ALWAYS wins.
    Never sleep with anybody who is crazier than you.
    A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.
    If you have X dollars in the bank, your next major expense will cost you X+1 dollars.
    Never buy a used car from a guy who has “Honest” before his name.

  4. Never trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn’t die.
    No matter how pretty she is there’s some guy somewhere that’s had enough of her shit.
    If it has tits or tires it’s gonna be trouble eventually.

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