Category: Bad News

And boy, are you ever going to need one of the above to read what follows below…

From the Dept. of Education:

...”scholars”?  People with degrees in “_____ Studies”?  Ah don’ theenk so, Boss.

...wait:  the Austros have over-45-year-olds in schools now?

And further silliness in Global Warming Climate Cooling Change© News:

...weaselkeywords:  “could” and “up to”.  Substitute “won’t” and “anything like” to the above.

From the Dept. of Civil Defense:

...here in north Texas, there’s a word for people like this:  neighbor.

In International War News:

 
...and even from the grave, Henry gets a Schadenböner:

... instead of sending them to Ukraine, we’re using missiles on asshole Muzzy terrorists, oh yes.  However:

...because repeating the same failed activity over and over always works in the end.
#TypicalSocialistPolicy

And in a different kind of war:

...and then euthanized like unwanted animals?  Oh please make it so.

Speaking of animals that need euthanizing:

...in which we play the “Guess The Race” game.  Clue:  her name is “Shacoria”.

...she sounds nice.  The story is just wonderful.

...branding?  Too harsh, you say?

...headline may have been edited slightly, to reflect reality.

And in further INSIGNIFICA:

...of course you did, my darlin’.

Finally, in ShowBiz News:

...sex every night and three times a day over weekends?  That’s what I’d do, anyway.

…most children don’t look like what they become,really:

But if I can venture a guess, it’s not the face that gets people’s attention anyway:

And with that, we’ve reached the backside of the news.

And believe it or not, ladies:  it’s the truth.  Unless, of course, she’s so worn out by all the work that she comes after him with a cleaver when he just asks her to make him a sammich.

In Military News:

...wait:  you mean that young White men are actually wanted in today’s Army?

From the Dept. of Health:

…

...wait:  don’t they want us to start eating bugs?

Things Political:

...and even fewer people care what you think about Rand Paul, you RINO loser.

And in ShowBiz News:

...key word:  died.  What’s next:  a mass pee-in on his grave?  Can you assholes leave the fucking guy alone, now that he’s beyond “manipulating” anyone?

In GlueBall Jewhate News:

...because their Arab terrorist compadres hate Israel.  There:  saved y’all the trouble of following the link.  And speaking of terrorsymp shitheads:

...food for thought, fuckwit:  Jews aren’t going to be setting off bombs in your mosque — although if they behaved like your terrorist buddies, they would.

In Global City News:

...keyword:  Birmingham, UK.

...keyword:  see above.

From the Dept. Of Education:

...I think the death penalty — wait, it was a female teacher?  Never mind.

...keep maintaining, sweetie.  Ain’t gonna help.

...you wouldn’t think so if you shopped at Amazon, where it seems that every single fucking item is “Made in China”.

And in INSIGNIFICA:
 

   

...and trust me, you don’t want to see the  link.

Finally, a little stroll down

...wait, Demi is now a GILF?

Ho yuss, as a quick look at some 2023-era pics will show:

At 61, very GILFy, my son.

I think we’ve (un)covered enough news for today.

Let’s slice up the news.

...just wait till the videos get to PornHub and xHamster…

...honestly, I’m really not interested in the details of Michelle’s midnight erections.

...oh STFU, Frankie.
#PerpetualComment

...should be more, but the principle is excellent.  Make the bastards pay.

...just one big ol’ happy law enforcement family, Cajun style.

...everybody sing along now: ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ “You say you want a revolution, well, you know…” ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪

From the Dept. Of Commerce:

...that’s because people can’t keep their big yaps shut.  Nobody should know that you’re bonking a workmate, or two.

...the sample probably excluded management, who I bet would have a different take.

...and still none in Plano, TX?  Assholes.

In the Dept. Of Ethics:

...actually, I don’t care about this kind of thing, especially because I have similar thoughts about the Obamas, the Clintons and pretty much all the Bidens.

From the Dept. Of Education:

...not only knew, but actually facilitated — proving that people will do just about anything to help their kids get better grades.

And in related Sex News:

…
#Oops.

...which is just a long-winded way to say:  “I’m a pathetic incel loser.”

And speaking of INSIGNIFICA:

 

Finally, some Totty News:

...and for pictorial proof, here’s the very pneumatic Apollonia:

…Longtime Friend & Drummer Knob asks:  “Imagine going to pick her up for a first date, and she opens the door wearing that…”

That’s some extensive real estate, and that’s enough coverage from me.

Straight into the important news:

...title track from her next album:  ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ “My fans made me leave my boyfriend.” ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪♫ ♪ ♫ ♪

...oy vey.  On both counts.

From the Dept. of Education:

...keyword:  Florida.

From the Red Sea area:

...and when the US Navy and the Royal Navy are both shown up by the Indian Navy...

In Election News:

...him, plus about 60 million others.

In Looneyville News:

...it’s just too bad that they and their vegan boyfriends are usually too tired to do anything about it.

Loonier still:

...atheists like these make me want to bring back the Inquisition and the stake.  Especially when the assholes get their jollies from pathetic memes like this one:

(Hint:  the ones on the left of the picture don’t fly airliners into skyscrapers.)

From the Women’s Section of Looneyville News:

...of course, had the sexes been reversed, the guy would have got life.
#MenArePigs

...yeah, that Star Wars franchise has made FAR too much money;  “equity” demands that their movies start losing it.  And what better way to get there than through feminism?

...key phrase:  Luck of the Irish.

In Media News:

...let’s hear it from those who think this is a Good Thing:

…all of you, huh?

And in INSIGNIFICA:

       

 

Finally, a walk down Mammary Lane:

...and about time, too:

 

And a more recent pic:

Still all there, after all these years… [sigh]

Remember, the Comments section in the Roundup is Open Season.  Comment away.

I love that ad… but let’s get serious, now.

...yeah, right.  Okay, okay… I’ll make my breakfast gins singles instead of doubles.  But what with the current news and such, I hope I’m not making a mistake.

...only one third?  Survey was probably conducted in Boston.

...can San Patricio Day be far away?  I thought Cinco de Mayo was sufficient to get shitfaced. 

And tangentially speaking of drunken idiots:

...taking a leaf from the gun control playbook:  we should ban cars.  Or women.

Some Political News:

...or dangling from a noose, or turning on a spit, or impaled on a spike… there are so many delightful options.

...considering all the inside information they have, that’s a piss-poor result.

...I see that almost all the big accounting firms are laying off staff, which is a Good Thing.  Fewer accountants = more business creativity.

…

And on the same topic:

...all well and good.  However, I think he should be made to do the sweeping without wearing his artificial legs.

And speaking of murderous assholes:

...key word:  Russia  India  Florida  actually,  Mexico.  You know:  the country where it’s really difficult for ordinary people to get guns.

…

And another resignation:

…took him long enough.  NEXT! — and maybe I’ll reconsider rejoining, once I see that his successor isn’t more of the same thing.

A tale of woe:

...should have just taken her to Canada, they’d have whacked her without a second thought, no muss no fuss.  Of course, you’d have had to wait two years for a hospital bed…

...guy once knocked out a chick by wildly swinging his dick around and smacking her upside the head.  Manly-manly stuff.

Now for more (but oh-so link-free) INSIGNIFICA:

…

Never mind road signs;  this is going to become a News Roundup department, e.g.:

…also, men:

But pics, oh you want pics [sigh].  Okay.

...so heeeeeerrrre’s Casey, post-140:

And the earlier version:

I should point out that young Casey has apparently had three boob reduction jobs, each one after popping a sprog… but apparently, those puppies just grow back when she gets Teh Preggers.  I have no idea if that is true, but who cares?

And that’s it for the news.