Pants, Pants, Burning Bright

Here’s one who should go close to the head of the line when it comes time for visiting the Great Tree:

During a House Judiciary Committee hearing on Oversight of the Federal Bureau of Investigation, FBI Director Christopher Wray claimed that he doesn’t know how many assets his agency had on the ground on January 6—or whether there were any at all.

I’m old enough to remember when it was a crime or something to lie under oath.  “Perjamas”?  “Purgeworthy”?

Whatever, this asshole should hang third from left.

When All Else Fails

…when your backs are to the wall, and when you have neither the money nor the expertise to fix an intractable problem, you can always call on the… Chinese?

South Africa’s newly minted electricity minister followed up a trip to China last week with pronouncements that the Communist Party will provide a solution for the socialist country’s collapsing power grid, which has needed planned blackouts for much of the past year.

This will end up, in typical African fashion, with a lose-lose result — the Chinese will come to realize, as all colonial powers eventually do, that sinking money into Africa is just that:  throwing money into a pit, with no tangible reward.  And South Africa will end up the same as they are now, maybe worse, with a power system that still doesn’t work, only with a mountain of debt to the Chinese loansharks that they have no chance (or intention) of paying back.

Couldn’t happen to a nicer bunch of socialists, on both sides.

Sucker Bet

I recently received an email from GlobalBankingMegaCorp congratulating me on my “new” credit limit increase — said increase no doubt being fueled by the fact that I haven’t charged anything on their poxy card for over six months and have instead been paying down the balance.

Then, lower down, there was this lovely little incentive to spend more with them (note the sting in the tail):

LOL they must think I was born yesterday.

Not So Sure

Here’s an interesting take on the whole Bud Light debacle:

“When the company was bought over by InBev, a lot of things changed [from] when it was owned by Anheuser-Busch. You know, it’s an American brand,” the whistleblower remarked.

He explained that the company previously offered many benefits prior to its purchase by InBev. Through the fall in sales for the Bud Light brand, the former employee stated, the corporation could restructure both employee benefits and its company standards through layoffs and renegotiating contracts.

“Bud Light has been failing for many years. We’ve talked about that for many years. The numbers of just, you know, little by little deteriorated. And it feels like they said, ‘Let’s put this nail in the coffin,’” he said. “Now we have a lot of layoffs, a lot of loss in production. It would be easy for them to restructure, let’s say, pay or contracts.”

“It’s too obvious that they wouldn’t just mistakenly do this and not expect these repercussions. Anybody could tell you what was going to happen,” he commented.

Um, maybe.  Okay, I’m not so sure about that.  In the first place, when it comes to giant corporations, never ascribe to malice what can also be ascribed to stupidity.  Sometimes it happens, but that ain’t the way to bet.

The most telling rebuttal to this assertion is quite simple.  Regardless of whether Bud Light was in decline, or not, it was still the best-selling beer brand in the United States.  And yes, while A-B might have stood to gain from restructuring salary scales or employment contracts, I hardly think that those savings would equate to anything like the amount of money that’s been lost (and will continue to be lost) from their plummeting sales and the equally-dismal drop in their share price.  If some toad in Finance suggested this, he needs to be castrated, in the corporate sense, because if even someone like me can see this, then he’s truly stupid.

Regardless of everything else, you just don’t willfully destroy your #1 brand, especially when it’s as large a brand as Bud Light.  The sums of money are just too vast, the possible repercussions too dreadful because they’re unknown — the ramifications could see A-B split up as a company into separate operating companies (Michelob, Busch, etc.) and the loss of economies which stem from shared brands would cripple all of them.  They’d become no different from a bunch of craft brands — and regardless of what anyone thinks, A-B brands are about as far from craft beers, in both quality and consumer regard, as one could get.

No, the whole thing is just way too Machiavellian and too complex — and trust me, it’s not like InBev is staffed with people of the strategic vision of, say, the German General Staff of WWII, even.  They’re a bunch of Belgian and American bureaucrats, a breed not known for their perspicacity.  And let’s be honest, the Belgies are among the wokest people on the planet, so I’m more likely to ascribe all this bullshit to simple corporate vanity.

Of course, if I’m wrong and this really was just part of some diabolical Master Plan, I hope it all falls apart and the whole A-B/InBev house comes crashing down.  The world will survive and who knows, we might just end up with a few decent beers out of the wreckage.

You Have To Ask?

The Federalist asks the question:

It’s probably more pertinent to start guessing under what pretenses the fucking Fibbies will frame him.  Some thoughts:

  • tax issues
  • campaign finances
  • breaking the Sabbath
  • discovering FBI spies among his campaign staff
  • unpaid speeding tickets
  • criticizing the federal government
  • running an unlicensed lemonade stand in 1973
  • transphobia
  • reading a comic book on an airliner
  • flirting with a woman during his college days
  • wearing white after Labor Day in 1982
  • owning a gun
  • misogyny
  • having a cancer survivor for a wife
  • putting mayo on his fries

…and if there aren’t any federal laws addressing some of the above crimes, they’ll invent them.