Category: Old Fartism

Worse Ways To Go

Good Stuff, Old Fartism

I have to admit that I’m not only sympathetic, I’m a little envious of the way this guy decided to go out.

Porn was being filmed onboard a retired doctor’s party yacht before cops swooped and arrested him on suspicion of drug and gun charges, according to new police documents. 

Authorities raided his 82-foot-long yacht called the JessConn, named after his two children, on September 5 in Nantucket after a woman on board called a friend for help. The woman told the man, ‘they were doing drugs all weekend long and people on the boat had been making pornographic films’. She added that she wanted to leave the boat before passing out, causing her male friend to contact authorities – telling them that she had overdosed.

The man told the Nantucket Police Department that the boat had ketamine, Adderall, ecstasy and cocaine on board.

Law enforcement sources told the Current that several prostitutes were found on the boat. No charges have been brought on these claims.

Scott Burke, 69, was charged with one count of trafficking a Class B drug, one count of possession to distribute a Class A drug, one count of possession of ammunition without a license and four counts of possession of a large-capacity feeding device.

He pleaded not guilty to the charges and was ‘extremely uncooperative’ when police boarded the yacht and was placed in handcuffs and detained because of his behavior, according to an affidavit.  The married father-of-two claimed that the woman who overdosed had been working for him for a few weeks, and her female friend was staying on the boat.

But here’s the kicker:

Burke was released on a $200,000 bail last week after his lawyer told Plymouth Court that he has terminal stage four cancer — and just months to live.

So if you know you’re going to die soon, and if you have the money, why not go batshit crazy and spend it on one last over-the-top sex orgy?

The charges, by the way, are bullshit.  He’s a doctor, so presumably he has the Rx prescription for all those drugs, and the “unlicensed ammo” charge is idiotic — but it’s Massachusetts, so anything’s possible.

And by the way:  I want to know what a “large-capacity feeding device” is, and why possession thereof is illegal.

Now that he’s out on bail, Burke might just off himself with an OD of drugs they didn’t find, rather than letting the cancer take him.  Under the same circumstances, who wouldn’t do the same?

One More Kindred Spirit

Funny Stuff, Good Stuff, Old Fartism

My loathing for seagulls has been well documented (here, for example), so when I saw this little snippet, I was mightily pleased, oh yes I was:

A blue plaque has been installed to commemorate a man made famous – for swearing at seagulls.

The honour was cheekily bestowed on Huw Davies – who was renowned for shooing the pesky birds away with expletives.

Huw, from Aberystwyth in Wales, was previously honored with a joke plaque on his favourite bench when he passed away.

And the new one (which is not as funny because OMG swearwords doubleplusungood):

I wish that I could achieve such fame, for so trivial a cause.

I suspect that

Kim du Toit
Used to sit here and shout
FUCK OFF!!! at authority figures

would be tripleplusungood, even though it’s a very accurate summation of my lifelong attitude.

But yet, we persevere.

Lovely Stuff

Funny Stuff, Old Fartism

I know we’re all supposed to act our age, but this is just priceless:

A Massachusetts woman was arrested and charged after the Townsend Police Department said she crashed into a building and then left while driving under the influence of drugs.

Deborah Gyles, 61, was charged with operating under the influence of drugs, leaving the scene of a property damage accident and unregistered motor vehicle.

Sixty-one?  And massively stoned?

It’s a kind of reverse precociousness.  Wonderful.

I was having a bad day until I read the article (courtesy of Reader Mike L., who should know better than to send me stuff like that).

I just want to know what drugs they were.

Well That Explains It

Old Fartism

Had a little email exchange with Reader Brad_in_IL, after he pointed  me to this article and asked me if I remembered any or all of the items and products (follow link to see what he was talking about).

I replied that I remembered all of them, and had in fact used all of them, to which he responded:  “Okay .. you’ll have to explain how/why you used that hair dryer !! “

And my response:

When I was a pro musician, I used to have highlights put in my hair. Monthly trip to Armando’s, one hour in the dryer.  It was the 70s, FFS.

We did a lot of stupid shit like that back then.

Again?

Old Fartism, Travels

And the hits just keep on coming:

Southwest Airlines planes were grounded nationwide Tuesday for what the carrier called an intermittent technology issue.

But think of all the money they saved by not upgrading their systems for well over a decade…

I can’t really cast nasturtiums, though.  My laptop is five years old, I still use Windoze 10 and I haven’t downloaded upgrades to my 8-year-old printer, ever.  My car has nearly 130,000 miles on it, my 1911 has fired off close to 30,000 rounds and I still watch DVDs (never got into that blu-ray nonsense).  I even read Dead Tree books, not their electronic versions on Kindle, and I still love butter-fried eggs even though they’ll probably kill me.  The catalog of things in my life that have never been upgraded is voluminous.

But I’m just one guy, and not a billion-dollar corporation responsible for the lives of hundreds of thousands of people every year.