Caption Competition #1

Here’s something I’d like to try, just to test y’all’s creativity and sense of humor: “Caption This Picture”. (The captions can be as dark, stupid, outrageous or smutty as you want, I don’t care.) If this idea proves to be popular and / or makes me laugh, then I’ll make it a regular feature.

Take a look at the picture below, and add your own caption in Comments.

5 Worst Things To Discover On A First Date

Ranked in ascending order of awfulness, as always:

For men:

  • She hates guns
  • She worked on Hillary Clinton’s campaign in 2016
  • She’s a militant vegan
  • She has a really fun story about how she acquired her latest(!!) tattoo
  • She owns four cats

(If she checks all five boxes, you may have to kill yourself just to escape the date.)

For women:

  • He still lives with mommy
  • He’s a Muslim
  • He hates guns
  • He thinks Trump is literally worse than Hitler
  • He has to leave the date early to go to an antifa rally

Your own contributions in Comments. Bonus points if you’ve ever discovered these things on an actual first date.

5 Worst Places To Have Sex For The First Time

For men or women:

  • The seaside (where you’ll soon discover why sandpaper used to be made with beach sand)
  • Lena Dunham’s bedroom
  • Any public restroom
  • On an active movie set or at a frat house party (pretty much the same thing, nowadays)
  • Harvey Weinstein’s hotel room

Your suggestions in Comments. Extra points if it’s a place where you actually had sex for the first time.