5 Worst Men

…to have in the room with you after you’ve just had stomach surgery, and it hurts like hell to laugh:

  • Billy Connolly (“Och laddie, yer stomach looks like just another Saturday night in Glasgow.”)
  • Craig Ferguson (“If you were a woman after a C-section, you’d have to get up and wipe the baby’s shitty arse because it’s Match Of The Day on TV and your hubby’s AWOL at the pub.”)
  • Richard Pryor (“You think stitches  hurt?  Try settin’ yo’self on fire, honkie.”)
  • Robin Williams (“Stomach surgery is God saying to you, ‘Here, try a little cocaine.’ “)
  • Bill Burr (“Look, I’m not saying what you have isn’t terrible — but ever had your girlfriend’s broken acrylic nail wedged in your hemorrhoids?”)

Your nominations in Comments.

Caption Competition #98

So you’re invited to the U.S. Embassy in Buenos Aires, where the Argies are having a function in your honor.  As it’s a formal affair, you have to wear at least a dark suit and a tie.

Whereupon you show up in said dark suit, but with your tie undone, your shirt untucked, wearing a Salvation Army scarf and clown shoes.

A rapper?  A tech executive?  A rock star?  Nope, it’s Al fucking Pacino:

Although my favorite pic of all at the august gathering is this one:

…and it’s just crying out for a caption.

Have at it, in Comments.

5 Worst Looks To Get From Your Girlfriend Or Wife

Ranked in order of hatefulness:

  • when you fart during a blowjob
  • when she asks, “Are you really  going out dressed like that?” and you answer, “Yes.”
  • when she asks you for something to read, and you hand her the latest issue of Guns & Ammo
  • when she catches you in bed with her sister (bonus points for:  her brother )
  • when she learns that you pawned her engagement ring to buy that sweet new Ruger

Your suggestions in Comments.