Tinkering With A Dream

As one who detests the wind-tunnel design of modern cars, and one who truly loves older cars, I have to admit to a secret desire:  to take a favorite older car, and somehow get it up to modern standards of build and reliability.  To mention but two, I want an electrical system that will work pretty much all the time and not only if it’s not raining, and a body that doesn’t rust after a single rainstorm or, for that matter, having been just garaged next to a damp chamois cloth.

A couple of people have done that, of course, most notably the guys at Eagle Motors in England, who took the basic E-type and turned it into what Jeremy Clarkson once called “absolute perfection”, featuring a 4.7-liter straight-8 12-pack instead of the original 3.8-liter 6.

Basically, it’s the E-type that Jaguar could have built back in 1961, had they had access to modern technology and not been constrained by wanting to price it far below the Ferraris of the time.  They are now, of course, filthy expensive — Russian oligarchs, American tech billionaires and Arab oil magnates only need apply;  but man, I’d love to own one.

Speaking of Ferrari, Longtime Readers will know of my fondness for the brilliant Dino 246GT of the late 1960s, because it is one of the most beautiful cars ever built — my #1, and pretty much in everyone’s top 5, for sure.

As much as I have always loved the look of the Dino, I’ve actually driven one and it’s a bit of a pig:  the clutch is stiffer than a teenage boy reading a nudie magazine, and the gearbox is kinda clunky.  The engine is still wondrous, though:  Fiat’s original 2.4-liter V6 creation (history is here, and Iain’s followup Dino exposition is here) was perfectly tuned at Maranello, and its power and top end quite acceptable…

…for the time.  Nowadays, it might need a little more poke, and Jay Leno shows how it’s done, courtesy of Ferrari fanatic David Lee (“This is the car that Ferrari should have built” — a paraphrase of the opinion I have about the Eagle E-type, above.)

And I want this car as much or more than I want one of those Eagle Speedsters.  (Just in red, not on that horrible David Lee black, and without the “flares”.  The above pic says it all.)  A bored-out 3.6-liter F40 engine?  Have mercy.

Thus, in the “Dream Cars” pantheon of my “When That Powerball Comes In” fantasy, the above two beauties are #1 and #1a (depending on my mood).

Any others?

Silly rabbits;  of course I have one:

1956 Mercedes 300 SC 

That’s my tourer.  Frankly, apart from putting in better electricals (lights, wiring, soft-top motor etc.), I may not mess with anything else beyond perhaps the suspension or steering if needed, because the mid-1950s 300s were built with only the best engineering, not just for the time but for any time.  I would never put in a modern Merc engine because computers.

There may be more I could add as I think about the topic a bit longer, but for now, these three are absolutely perfect.

What would you pick to resto-mod?  Remember:  you get to keep the shape, but other than that, it’s an open field.

The Ultimate American Car

Over the years, I have got a ton of flak from my Readers about my love of European cars, and especially my preference for European cars over American ones (never mind the Japanese and others).

In the above post, I created my list of things that make me proud to be American — and yet, it does make me just a trifle ashamed that among those things, I only mentioned American-made trucks, and a generic admiration at that.

So I set about doing some research about American cars, but apart from a very few, I found little to enthuse about.  And to be frank, with the possible exception of the latest models of Corvettes, there are no American cars of recent vintage that get my juices running and my manly parts excited. Of course, that means I have to go back in time — like that should come as a surprise to anyone who has even a passing familiarity with my rants and fevered scribblings — and really, it’s only as far back as the 1950s where I start thinking of cars that are proudly and unmistakably American.

Sure, there’s the late 1950s-era Chev Bel-Air:

…whose shape is admittedly more American in spirit than at least five American presidents I could name;  but Chevy is a boring marque.  Underneath all that chrome and those fins is just… [snore]

There’s also the 1959 Cadillac Eldorado Biarritz:

Once again, it says (or rather, bellows) “American!!!” but really, despite the four tons of chrome and the space-program fins, it’s more of a land barge than a car.

Nah, we have to look further and delve deeper into that era.

Which brings me to my absolute favorite American car:  the 1957 Studebaker Golden Hawk.

Oh, please.  A snorting, powerful supercharged 4.7-liter V8 (okay, 289 cu.in.) which gave the light-bodied Hawk an 0-60mph acceleration time of 4.8 seconds and a top end of over 125mph, which blew the doors off its Dodge, Ford and Chevy competitors.

The Golden Hawk was probably the first true American muscle car, and if that doesn’t get my starter motor cranking, nothing will.  The GH also has matchless American looks — even though it was styled by Raymond Loewy, a Frenchman(!) — and in contrast to its European sporting counterparts, it’s a proper four-seater sports car and not the Euro-style “2+2” (meaning “fits two adults up front and two legless dwarves in the back”).

And it has a bench front seat so that you can cuddle up to your sweetheart at the drive-in movie (or anywhere else).  Let’s not forget the capacious trunk and even — gasp! — seatbelts.

“Oh noes, Kim,” I can hear the plaintive cries now, “don’t you know that Studebakers were notoriously unreliable with questionable build quality?”

Yeah… ask me again about my love of Austin Healey, Alfa Romeo, Maserati, MG and Fiat sports cars.  Unreliable?  Don’t make me laugh.

I would rather drive the Golden Hawk in the above picture than any American car, of any vintage or brand.

So if any car is going to be added to the list of things which make me proud to be American, this is the one.


By the way:  here is a lovely, affectionate history of Studebaker and its cars, done quite differently to the typical boring documentary.

Also:  I could be talked into this Golden [sic] Hawk, whose color isn’t quite as shouty as the red one:

…but “not shouty”?  Positively un-American, innit?

Pocket Rockets

Jeremy Clarkson once described Italian hot-rodder Carlo Abarth as “completely bonkers” because of Abarth’s wonderful yet totally impractical designs, especially when taking the staid little 1960s-era Fiats and turning them into fiery sports cars.

To wit, this 1966 Fiat 850:

…into the snarling, 100+mph 1970 Abarth 1300 Scorpione:

In the parlance of my ill-spent yoof, the Scorpione would have been described as a “bird and a sponge bag” car, in that it had absolutely no luggage space at all, and the aforementioned two items were all that one could fit into the little screamer.

Like that’s important.  And even though I would have no chance — zero — of fitting even my 25-year-old frame into the Scorpione, I would grab that little thing with both hands, oh yes I would.

Amyway, the Abarth story has a sad ending.  In the early 1970s, they were bought out by Fiat, and disappeared without a trace — other than when Fiat wanted to make their rather boring sports cars (e.g. the 2015 Mazda Miata-based Spider) sound racy, and slapped the “Abarth” monicker thereon.


Note:  In the U.S., the Scorpione was marketed as the Lombardi Grand Prix, fitted with the less-powerful 843cc engine.

Friday Night Movie

Here’s the story of the Lancia company — and the title says it best:  The Power Of Fun.

My favorite Lancia models (in order):

Fulvia HF

D50 F1 (as driven by Fangio)

Stratos

Aurelia B24

Stradale

Every time Lancia decided to enter some form of racing, they’d win, win big and win with some groundbreaking new technology.  Very few (if any) auto companies can make the same claim.

I just wish they hadn’t been so horribly shafted by parent company Fiat… but that’s the corporate world for you.

Pick Of The Litter

You have a chance to get three (and only three) cars from this collection as tax-paid gifts from the dead guy’s estate:

Read the descriptions and so on at the linked article, then make your choice and post in Comments.

Assume that you won’t immediately sell them and pocket the money.  Play the game.

My three choices (in order):

Read more

Too Much Automotive Bullshit

I’ve ranted on and on about how I hate the intrusion of technology into the simple act of driving, but my ire is approaching volcanic levels.  Try this little snippet (via Insty, thankee, Squire):

While it’s often easier to sync your phone to a vehicle, it doesn’t allow the company you purchased the vehicle from to maximize its data harvesting capabilities. It also lets you circumvent their operating system to a large degree and any apps that might be tied to commerce, which is why automakers are now trying to sweeten the pot. The ultimate goal is to basically convert your vehicle into something that can sweep up just as much information about you as your smartphone — if not more.

“If you’re using Android Auto or Apple CarPlay, then you’re kind of limited [for use of applications]”, Alexander Schoenhals, a Mercedes-Benz engineer working on third-party apps, explained.

Do they even realize how sinister this all sounds?  Every time I read shit like this from MB, BMW or VW, I want the 8th Army Air Force group to be re-constituted just to fly over and bomb their fucking factories into rubble (and repeat with Detroit on the return leg), simply to weed this bullshit out and force the aforementioned data harvesters to start from scratch all over again.

I’m unlikely to buy a new car anytime soon, if at all — more likely, I’ll be driving New Wife’s Fiat 500 forever, once my non-technological Tiguan has breathed its last drop of 89 octane unleaded.

But mark my words;  I will never drive some information vampire like the modern breed.

I’d rather find a way to get my hands on something from the pre-technology era (1970s) like a VW Thing, a Jeep CJ5 or others of that ilk (other suggestions in Comments), and deal with their discomfort and unreliability.

As for modern car manufacturers:  fuck ’em, and the motherboard they’re surfing in on.  I want no part of their shit.