Question: How can a burlesque dancer and sometime-nude model be called classy?
Answer: When she’s called Dita Von Teese. Here’s another strong contender for Kim’s Online Object Of Desire:
…and oh yeah, she’s not shy about taking it all off, either:
Yeah, I know… not that classy. But remember: burlesque is her job; how she looks when she’s not performing is what I’m talking about.
Update: I know she’s only in her mid-40s. Hey, life is all about those little compromises, right?
Thinking of Playboy stuff last week reminded me of a strong candidate for Kim’s Online Object Of Desire (the one to replace the now-too-skinny Nigella Lawson).
She’s 52, she has one of the sexiest smiles ever caught on film, she’s one of the greatest ever to play her sport, and OMG it’s Katarina Witt:
…and yes, those incredible legs are still, well, incredible:
In keeping with the season, here she is in some demure Oktoberfest-Kleidung:
Definitely a gold medal contender. And speaking of Playboy, Hef would have wanted me to post at least one of those pics…
So in the ongoing search for a replacement for Nigella Lawson as my online fantasy woman extraordinaire, another contestant has come to mind: she’s over 50, somewhat classy — at least, she cleans up well — and boy… her other qualifications are shall we say, outstanding:
Now, I am not normally smitten by our Hispanic cousins, simply because I tend to prefer whiter-than-white skin, but let me tell you Salma Hayek gets me with her accent, too. I know that Mexican thing isn’t everybody’s favorite, but to me it’s cute and exotic (video link). And did I mention her other attributes?
The only part of Salma which might cause me some concern is that she’s that excitable-Latina type — all drama and waving arms — and I prefer a quiet life.
So maybe the search will have to continue…
To honor the passing of that old goat Hugh Hefner (91) of natural causes(!), allow me to offer this portrait of Kathy Douglas (1960), who was unquestionably one of the most gorgeous Playmates ever:
Okay, let’s make it two portraits:
“Another”, you plead? Oh, what the hell, why not? Hef would have wanted it this way:
Feel free to add your favorite Playmate in Comments, but only from those before 1972 (i.e. the pre-airbrushing years).
R.I.P., Hef. You may have been a factor in the decline of Western Civilization, but at least you were only a mild one.
Final thought: wouldn’t it be ironic if Heaven was like the Playboy Mansion?
As Loyal Readers will already know, the Goddess Nigella has lost favor with your Humble Narrator because she’s lost too much weight and has become unattractive (to me, anyway).
Much as I am tempted to transfer my online infatuation to a Train Smash Woman such as Lisa Appleton, she is rather a little too much of a good thing, if you get my drift:
Sadly, Train Smash Women also tend to be dead common, which is a major disqualification. Also, there’s that slightly crazed look in Miss Lisa’s eye which suggests that my pet bunny would not be safe around a kitchen pot.
So the search continues. I’m not going to spell the search criteria out, because in fact they are largely undefinable. Let’s just use the Old Nigella as a template, and take it from there:
Okay, what the hell, let’s give it a try: Nigella’s replacement must be over 50 years old, classy, with a full figure and a decent cleavage. Sadly, the very first criterion eliminates most well-known women these days because they all seem to have the morals of stoats and all the class of a full airline barf bag. Nevertheless, we can but try; I’m not looking for unblemished near-virginity — Nigella is anything but that — but a touch of class would be a definite starting-point.
It’s early days, of course, but ol’ Helen Mirren does cause a certain stirring in the loins:
Let’s just say she’s first out of the starting gate.
…or maybe I should say reduction instead of development.
Longtime Readers will know of my longtime infatuation with the wondrous Nigella Lawson:
However, of late there appears to be a lot less Nigella than there was before:
…and in fact, she looks positively skeletal nowadays:
I’cw always preferred bigger, full-figured women with hourglass figures, and Nigella probably epitomized that preference. But this disappearing act? I like it not. Maybe it’s time to find another Real Woman, of more-appealing amplitude.
But I’m going to feel guilty about this; I’ve always been a one-woman kinda guy.