…annnnnd they’re off!
Yes, it’s time for the Train Smash Championship Stakes, at Aintree’s Grand National. Sadly, though, the pics seem to have been taken before the pubs opened…
While some appeared to have not got the memo about only wearing weird and wonderful outfits…
Rather disappointing, in fact. Maybe things will go pear-shaped later.
From John Lott’s guys:
Murders occur overwhelmingly in dense urban areas, many with tough anti-gun restrictions, and far less in suburban and rural areas where firearm ownership is more common, according to a national study of killings.
“This research shows that murders in the U.S. are highly concentrated in tiny areas in the U.S. and that they are becoming even more concentrated in recent years,” said the report from John R. Lott’s Crime Prevention Research Center.
You don’t say. Next thing you’ll be hearing is that the socio-demographics of these concentrated areas are poor, overwhelmingly Black, and that the guns used to commit the murders have been stolen.
Nah, couldn’t be. Ask any big-city mayor.
The key to all of this is climate change / racism / white supremacy / thuggish police / all the above.
Except that we all know the truth.
I was going to write a jokey post about the “10 Worst Things That Happened To Us In 2022” or something, when I realized that there was no way I was going to keep it to only ten — cf. Insty: “You’re going to need a bigger blog” — and quite honestly, I can’t find anything funny about any of them.
Nevertheless, I’ll turn it into a joke, because if I get serious, I’m going to head for a tall building in D.C. with a scoped rifle and a case of ammo. You all know what I mean.
So here’s some of the ridiculous shit that happened this past year (no links):
January:
…the way I feel about Washington DC right now, I have mixed feelings about this.
February:
…although it may make the folks at the bank a trifle nervous when you go in to make a deposit.
…even worse is that he complained that “she just lay there”.
March:
…silly Catholics, mistaking “Holy fuck!” for an activity, rather than an expression.
…vagina museum?
April:
…key word: “Scotland”. Still would like to have been there, though: sounds like a decent party.
…which might explain Dennis Rodman, amongst others.
…I think we’ve all had orgasms like that at least once before.
…Method Acting at its finest.
May:
…the competition to see how many tampons someone can fit into their mouth will begin in 3…2…1…
…more likely it’ll end breakfast through mass vomiting at the table.
June:
…throw in the West Coast with another two, and you’ve got a deal. Bonus if you trigger the Big One.
…I got nothing; absolutely nothing.
…only the French could surrender after telling the truth.
COPS have released the mugshots of more than 30 alleged Patriot Front members who were arrested at a Pride event
…now let’s play “Spot The FBI Provocateurs”. I figure about eight, but I’m probably undercounting.
1, 3, 4, 8, 11, 17, 27 and 30.
…just add money. Guaranteed results.
July:
…sheesh, I didn’t even know that Blacks went on cruises.
…yep, and OFF! is now a weapon of mass destruction. JHC.
…sure, like I’m the only one here thinking about getting some of that “cultural appropriation”.
…and you’re not full of shit; you’re excrementally crammed, you Commie bitch.
August:
…nom nom nom BBQ ! (translated from the original Bear).
…leading to the inevitable: “YOU HAD ONE JOB.”
…hey, Numb-Nuts: “Kill It With Fire!” is what’s known as “hyperbole”.
…big deal; pretty much everyone at the FBI could be busted for that.
…oh please: Ukraine is more desirable than New York or California.
…more to the point, we don’t need any of you assholes. As you may soon find out.
…but hanging and the firing squad are too Krool & Hartless.
September:
…of course it isn’t. Only Whites can be guilty of hate speech.
…was she trying to stop the cops from arresting her boyfriend for murder? Yes. Did she deserve to get punched in the face? Also yes.
…she should have bought a lottery ticket instead of hosting a double-header.
…Russians not being known for their ability to swim whilst tied to an anvil.
…ignore Mommy’s screams, Jimmy — she really likes it when I put it in there.
...reading to be followed soon by practical instruction, no doubt. Fucking groomers, shoot them all.
October:
...whatever he says, it had better be good considering all the fine poontang I’ve given him and all the life decisions I’ve entrusted him with over the years.
...and if you didn’t chortle at that headline, we can’t be friends.
…I think I first saw this headline in 1968.
...or to put it another way: we’re gonna go down bonking.
...but paying for it might.
...what were they supposed to do with it? Give it a state funeral?
...but remember: the injured have access to free healthcare.
...duh she’s not supporting Andrew, she’s reminding everyone that she knows who all the players are.
November:
...are you fucking joking?
….lemme tell ya, that placenta stuff is a cast-iron bitch to get off upholstery.
...gotta say that this has not been my experience; although twenty does seem to be overreaching a little.
...a little too late to help John McEnroe, but oh well.
...I’m not a military expert, but I’m pretty sure that barbed wire is not much of a defense against missiles.
...am I the only one wishing that this headline was literally true?
And finally, December:
...yeah, how dare she interfere in her own child’s education? [/teachers’ union]
...you had me at “French surrender”.
...you fuck strangers for money, on camera: what’s to misconceive?
...hey, if Russia was my next-door neighbor, I’d probably do the same.
...and if you know what a “vibrating horned penis ring” is, go and stand in the corner. I had to look it up, and good grief, that’s nasty.
...I’m not sure anyone could write a more African scenario than this.
...should have welcomed him with a fucking bayonet.
...and neither are the (vast) silent majority of car owners.
And that, as they say, is the news for 2022. Quite frankly, I’m surprised we made it all the way through.
So to cheer everyone up, here are a few recent pics of Kelly Brook:
…and one from her not-so-distant past:
Good, wholesome stuff to look at, unlike the news headlines of today.
Yeah, this kinda makes sense:
Children should get lessons in school on how to build strong relationships to counteract ‘Disneyfied’ portrayals of love
Ask any child their favorite film, and there is quite a high chance they will name a Disney movie, like ‘Beauty and the Beast’ or ‘Aladdin’.
However, experts believe that these films are giving them the wrong idea about what a healthy relationship looks like.
In ‘Aladdin’, the hero whisks Princess Jasmine away from restrictive palace life, while ‘Cinderella’, ‘Snow White’, and ‘Sleeping Beauty’ all involve a young girl being saved by a ‘handsome prince’.
Yeah, in real life, Jasmine’s father’s security police would hunt down the couple, shoot the insolent little pup and take the now-deflowered houri back to her father’s palace where she’ll be whipped for her adultery and beheaded for bringing shame to the family name.
Let’s not even talk about the “handsome savior prince” scenario.
Me, I think that Disney shouldn’t stop at “happily ever after”, but use their characters for some real-life advice, e.g.
Dealing With Nosy Room-Mates
Workplace Sexual Harassment
Everyday Grooming Tips
Building A Relationship With Your Step-Family
Finding That Perfect Sugar Daddy
Seeing as we’re living in modern times, and given that it’s Woke Disney:
Inter-Species Relationships
Sharing The Great Outdoors
Things To Do While Waiting For Your Prince To Come
When Your Prince Finally Comes
There ya go. Coming soon [sic] to a screen near you.
To: Ex-POTUS Donald Trump
From: All Conservative Voters
Re: This Bullshit:
Action Required (by you):
Shut the fuck up.
Supporting argument #1:
Ron DeSantis has been more effective in addressing the illegal immigration crisis as Florida’s governor than you were as POTUS (yeah, we know, the asshole House Republicans etc. etc.). Don’t care. Sending illegal immigrants to the Blue “sanctuary cities” is pure genius (yeah, we know, Texas started it etc. etc.).
Supporting argument #2:
In a straight-up contest between DeSantis and any Democrat (e.g. Gavin Newsom), DeSantis wins by a mile. You? Not so much. In a straight-up contest between DeSantis and you? That’s the purpose of the primary; let the voters decide. Just remember: the NeverTrump nonsense, while nonsense, is nevertheless a thing. There’s no such thing as “NeverRon”, unless you start it. And speaking of the primaries:
Supporting argument 3:
Heed the words of Ronald Reagan: “Speak no ill of another Republican.”
Conclusion:
Save your clever-dick bullshit for the Democrats; leave DeSantis alone.
The era of electronic entertainment has given rise to all sorts of interesting moral questions, questions that bring shades of gray to hitherto black-and-white issues of right or wrong. Here’s one:
I was going to file this silly thing under INSIGNIFICA when I decided it wasn’t that silly, after all.
We might think that this is a modern morality question, but of course it isn’t. People have been sending “love letters” to each other pretty much as soon as we discovered writing, only now the communication is electronic over the Internet rather than on paper and by messenger / through the mail. In days gone by, therefore, a husband discovering racy love letters from another man in his wife’s possession would justifiably, in my opinion, be suspicious of his wife’s fidelity — and certainly so if the other man was a mutual acquaintance, or someone living close by.
Of course, the further the distance between writers, the less likely would actual adultery take place — but, to address the above question, is virtual adultery any different from actual adultery?
Note that I’m not talking about flirty communication here; there’s an enormous difference, in my opinion, between “I’d love to take a walk on the beach with you someday” to “I want to suck your penis”, although some might argue that the difference is only in degree.
The arrival of the telephone added sound to the situation — and one has only to see how many “phone sex” lines there are to see the effect of that. Still, I suppose that one might argue that such activity is purely impersonal — I’m reminded of a scene in some movie of a young woman having phone sex on one of these lines while doing her ironing and watching her baby play on the kitchen floor — and it’s all just fantasy, not adultery.
What has changed, of course, is that communication nowadays can include video, where love letters never did. Now we are talking about a whole different ball game, aren’t we? Or are we?
Does adultery have to require actual physical contact to be classified as adultery?
I have to say “yes” to the above — although that said, I understand that virtual adultery has all sorts of “moth and candle” implications, especially if it’s between people who know each other. As one woman of my acquaintance once put it: “Virtual sex has replaced foreplay when it comes to fooling around”, and she’s absolutely right — if, that is, the couple are not just strangers getting a cheap thrill out of the thing.
And there, I think, is the crux of it. It’s not the virtual aspect of it; it’s who you’re talking to. Which is more dangerous to a marriage: talking sex to a complete stranger in a chat room, on a phone sex line or on a video call, or talking sex with a neighbor, a guy from the office or a friend’s husband?
I think we all know the answer to that.