Ranked in ascending order of awfulness, as always:
- She hates guns
- She worked on Hillary Clinton’s campaign in 2016
- She’s a militant vegan
- She has a really fun story about how she acquired her latest(!!) tattoo
- She owns four cats
(If she checks all five boxes, you may have to kill yourself just to escape the date.)
- He still lives with mommy
- He’s a Muslim
- He hates guns
- He thinks Trump is literally worse than Hitler
- He has to leave the date early to go to an antifa rally
Your own contributions in Comments. Bonus points if you’ve ever discovered these things on an actual first date.
In ascending order of awfulness:
- A scalpel
- a lock of her old boyfriend’s hair
- …and when you’ve had a vasectomy:
– a six-pack of condoms, and/or
– an empty pregnancy test box
- Bill Clinton’s “business” card
Your own suggestions in Comments. And no looking in your wife’s purse, either.
Or, if you’re of a more “modern” frame of mind:
I believe most gun stores will be open today.
And if you still can’t think of what to buy for yer Missus, take a tip from history:
She’ll love you forever.
Ranked in ascending order of awfulness:
- CD box set of “Frank Sinatra: The Vegas Years”
- $100 gift card for Crabtree & Evelyn
- DVD box set of Girls
- “No Meat, Ever: A Vegan Cookbook”
- Divorce papers
Your own suggestions in Comments. Bonus points if you’ve ever actually received any of them.