Monday Funnies

So here we go.  First up, there’s government bureaucracy, as explained by Jordan Coombe:

Waddya expect?  It’s MONDAY, FFS.  So how about some random PG totty,then?

So listen to Teacher, and get stuck into the week.

“Dear Dr. Kim”

“Dear Dr. Kim:

“I was raised Catholic by my ultra-religious parents.  Later on, I married a man who began to abuse me verbally and beat me.  I stuck it out as long as I could, but eventually had enough and divorced him.

“I expected my parents to support me in my troubles, but instead they screamed at me for breaking my sacred marriage vows.  They were so upset with me, despite the circumstances, that they disowned me from inheriting any of their estate. 

“I want to sue them to overturn their decision, so that I can eventually inherit what is properly mine.

“Am I doing the right thing?”

Catholic Martyr

Dear CM:

I am sorry that your life has been a pattern of abuse, both from your parents and from your husband.  All three of them are total cunts, and to be honest, you are better off without them in your life.

If you ever talk to your parents again (which I don’t recommend), perhaps you should ask them if they’d have preferred to see you escape your marriage by murdering your husband instead — oh wait, that’s a mortal sin, nemmind.

While I sympathize greatly with your situation, I must nevertheless caution you against suing your parents to get your inheritance restored.

In the first place, only lawyers win in these situations, especially if you lose.

Secondly, this means you’d actually have to continue to be part of their horrible lives, even if only through lawyers.

And finally, let me remind you that as unpleasant as this may sound, your parents are in no way morally bound to leave you anything after they snuff it (hopefully soon, and painfully).  It’s their property, and if they decide to leave it all to the Vatican instead (which wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest), that’s just the way of the world, especially for cunts like them.

Frankly, I’d send them a letter telling them that while you are hurt by their cunty decisions — for neglecting their parental duty to support you, and for the disinheritance — you intend never to see or speak to them again, and should they ever need any assistance in their old age, not to bother contacting you.  Then don’t answer any letters or phone calls from them anymore.

I know, forgiveness is a Christian virtue and all that.  But when a rabid dog bites you, it’s silly to pat it on the head afterwards.

I hope that in the near future you find a decent man to share your life with, and that you go on to have many children — who should never, ever be shared with their cunty grandparents, under any circumstances.

And if you can’t write them that letter, feel free to use this one in its stead.

News Roundup

…back when this stuff was funny because people knew it was tongue-in-cheek naughty instead of “hurtful” or “demeaning”.


...including, one would hope, the entire Bud Light marketing department.


...but as Kenny says:  “Meanwhile in Alaska”:

And speaking of invasions by foul creatures:


...even in Germany?  Wow.

From the Dept. of Health:


...as opposed to offering it to illegal immigrants?  I’ll take that for $400, Alex.


From the Global Warming Climate Cooling Change© people:


...EVERYBODY PANIC!!!  Or not, seeing as there’s no actual evidence that climate “change” can affect global sea currents.

Your Gummint At Work:


...because we don’t have enough literate citizens to do those jobs, thanks to our so-called “education” system.


...too bad it’s not because of the unexpectedly-high body count.

And in Happy Happy Joy Joy News:


...Viva Italia.


...oh yes it is.  Nobody has ever complained while having one, although I bet a few women have tried.


...actually, the most dangerous position is the one her husband catches you doing.


...back when I were a lad, all you needed was a pic of Raquel Welch and this thing called “imagination”.

From the bowels of INSIGNIFICA:

     


...anytime anyone gets sick of looking at Liz, I can always stop.

More, you say?  Why not…

On that joyous note we end the news, and not a moment too soon.