5 Worst Commemorative Days

In ascending order of terrible, they are:

  • International Hemorrhoid Day
  • International Vegan Day (or is that just the same as the above?)
  • Premature Ejaculation Day (I know, I know:  all ejaculations are premature)
  • Molest A Pre-Teen Girl Day (for Roman Polanski, that’s every day, of course)

and the absolute worst:

  • Senator Chuck Schumer Appreciation Day

Your suggestions in Comments, as usual.

Little Late

For some reason (inebriation of the editorial committee, no doubt), my copy of Modern Drunkard magazine arrived late this month;  but I think the exhortation is nevertheless quite motivational:

This nonsense of naming days as “Blah Blah Blah Day” is just stupid.  Wait till tomorrow to see exactly how stupid…

Monday Funnies

Good grief:  like the tides, the Mondays just keep on coming.

So here’s to Mondays:

…and enjoy a small antidote thereto:

And for our Monday morning dose of exquisite beauty, here’s Spanish hottie Penelope Cruz:

5 Worst Places To Lose Your Car Keys

Ranked in order of foulness / inconvenience:

  • inside your mistress’s apartment when you have to get home quickly to take your daughter to her school ballet performance
  • down your kitchen sink when the garbage disposal is running
  • when it’s 1am and you’re inside a parking garage in downtown Johannesburg
  • down a public toilet in Mumbai, India
  • inside a Kardashian.

Your suggestions in Comments.