5 Worst Fiction Writers

These are the authors who are lionized by the Terminally Pretentious Set, for whom “literary” (a.k.a. boring) writing is met with squeals of delight every time a new offering from the authors below is published. Ranked in ascending order of awfulness:

  • Nicholas Sparks — essentially the same story, rewritten twenty times (and counting)
  • Annie Proulx — hates her own character creations, and despises her readers as well
  • Ayn Rand — okay philosopher, terrible writer who should have written textbooks, not fiction
  • Thomas Pynchon — writes the most turgid, unreadable prose of any author in the modern era
  • And special mention: Marcel Proust — wrote the most turgid, unreadable prose of any author before the arrival of Thomas Pynchon.

Your suggestions in Comments.

 

Quote Of The Day

Seen somewhere:

I was banging a Persian girl for a while. When we would get sweaty from sexing I swore she smelled like lawnmower exhaust. It had that oil burning with gas mixture kind of smell. I think it may have been from her diet. Now whenever the neighbors are mowing the lawn I get a massive erection. I wish that last part weren’t true. F*** you Pavlov.

Priceless.

I don’t know what gets me more: the tangential reference to Pavlov, the body odor of lawnmower exhaust, or the word “sexing”…

5 Worst Halloween Costumes

For the ladies:

  • The Honorable Member:

 

  • Best Presidential Candidate Evah:

 

  • Emmy Winner:

 

  • Speaker Of The House:

 

  • Manchester pop concert souvenirs:

…and for the gentlemen:

  • Serial Molester:

 

  • Serial Molester (option 2):

 

  • Director-Rapist:

 

  • Girly-man Cyclist:

 

  • Olympic Gold Medalist:

 

Your suggestions in Comments, as usual.