Another Train Smash Woman

There is a plausible theory that any woman who appears in a “reality” TV show is a candidate for the label of “Train Smash Woman” (definition here). But even among reality TV shows, the execrable TOWIE (The Only Way Is Essex) on Brit TV is one long litany of Train Smashdom.

Allow me, then, to present a splendid example of the TOWIE Train Smash:  Lauren Goodger. Here’s what she looked like when she first appeared on the show:

Yup… there are distinct elements of a Train Smash there. But she couldn’t stay like that, of course; no Train Smash Woman qualifies for the label unless there is a massive change in tonnage / body shape, and questionable life decisions. And here we go, first with the body:

The last pic, by the way, was after liposuction, which she had done after seeing the bikini pic.

But here’s the best one of her:

Now there’s the question of the curlers in her hair while out in public, of course. But that’s not especially Train Smashy. This is: the picture was taken when she was on her way to visit her boyfriend… in prison.

Yes, folks: that right there is the sine qua non of questionable life decisions for any woman. Which is why Ms. Goodger is currently atop my list of Train Smash Women.


The Other Side

I’ve never served on a jury. The whole story is that I’ve been called on twice to do so, but in both cases I showed up, waited a while and then was told I wasn’t needed and sent home, with thanks.

So I wonder how I’d react to this situation if it ever came to court and I was on the jury:

A primary school teacher accused of putting a sock in a pupil’s mouth in a bid to quieten him down has been banned from the classroom.

Of course, I’d have the man’s pee-pee whacked by a bailiff simply because “Put a sock in it!” is just a figure of speech, not a recommended action. But I have to say that I’d want to hear his side of the story first before determining on the number of whacks, so to speak, e.g.:

“How many times has the little shit done this before?”
“Has he given you lip on previous occasions, when you told him to shut up?”
“Is this the only thing he does: talking when he’s not supposed to, or does he get up to other kinds of mischief as well?” (no odds on that one)

…and so on.

If the recipient of the teacher’s sock was in fact an incorrigible little bastard who was wrecking the discipline of the entire class, then yes, I’d call for the teacher to be reprimanded. But not as massively as if he’d just picked on a first offender for some oral sock insertion.

Because I’ve been a parent of small kids myself, and let me tell you, there are times…

But of course, we can’t do that anymore because Crool & Unusual, or some such rubbish. [10,000 word rant deleted]

5 Worst Things To Hear Over An Airliner’s P.A. System

Ranked in order of awfulness:

  • “This is Captain Douglas Corrigan speaking. I don’t know where y’all were expecting to land, but this ain’t it.”*
  • “Ladies and gentlemen, please be aware that this aircraft can fly quite well on only one engine.”
  • “Wait… Hank, I thought you checked the fuel levels before we took off.”
  • “Passenger Mohammed Al-Bomba, please identify yourself to a cabin crew member.”
  • “Welcome to Bangalore International Airport.”

Your suggestions in Comments. Bonus points if you actually heard them on a flight…

*do a search on the name.



Quote Of The Day

“The only people afraid of being replaced by sex dolls are those who are already replaceable. They should work on themselves instead of whining.” — SGOTI (some guy on the Internet)

Behold the Kardashian model:

Mind you, if it conforms to the usual Kardashian standard, it’ll be used by Black guys exclusively.


“Dear Dr. Kim”

“Dear Dr. Kim:

“What do I do?” — #MillennialProblems

Dear Problems,
Switch to Cascade. FFS, can’t your generation figure out anything for yourselves?

–Dr. Kim

Looks like I’m not the only one who is enraptured by this new Millennial activity. Try this comment (marked with the red arrow):