News Roundup

1)  Woman dies when she falls onto an eco-friendly metal drinking straw which impales her in the eye — you would have to have a heart of stone not to laugh at this story.  Or at this one:

2)  Bankers are fired and get all sobby —  that’s what happens when you don’t call in enough loans and fail to toss your quota of poor people out onto the street.

3)  Irish man, 19, ‘is raped by two men in Magaluf after being kicked out of a brothel for having no money’ — I have no idea what the problem is, here: he was looking  for some sex, wasn’t he?

4)  Gay group wearing ‘lesbians are women’ t-shirts are removed by police from the National Theatre bar after a transgender staff member was offended by their views — I’m trying to think how it’s possible to fit more annoying shit into a single headline, but I can’t — unless Michelle Obama was the trannie.

5)  Clinton confidante Epstein charged with arranging child prostitutes for friends —  will be murdered or “commit suicide” in 3… 2… 1…

6)  African leaders launched a continental free-trade zone on Sunday that if successful would unite 1.3 billion people, create a $3.4 trillion economic bloc and usher in a new era of development — it’s gonna fail.  Africa wins again.

7)  Older female rhinos are sent in to help young male get horny — redefines the meaning of “cougar”, dunnit?  (I’m trying to visualize “older female rhinos” and “sex”, but all I can think of is Nancy Pelosi and Maxine Waters.  Sorry.)

Olde Phartss

Here’s a fun game:  show your age in 5 words or so, as demonstrated here, e.g.:

  • I had a Blockbuster membership
  • AOL and Dial-up
  • VHS was still a thing

Please.  My KIDS remember those.

Here’s mine:  “Queuing to buy  Hard Day’s Night.”

Beat THAT, in Comments.  And no making up stuff, either.  “I remember Calvin Coolidge” won’t work.

Sports Update

Someone wrote and asked me why I haven’t celebrated Team USA winning the Women’s Football World Cup recently.  Okay, here it is:

There ya go.  (I think  I got those rainbow colors right…)

Update:  Okay, Alex Morgan isn’t a lesbian:

Monday Funnies

So to get you in the proper mood to tackle the new, no-holiday week:

And speaking about tigers…

At least somebody doesn’t hate them.

And to get you into the spirit of the animal thing:

Now get out there and hunt ’em down…