Fungus?

From Britishland, (a.k.a. Vegan Nation):

Fish and chips are set to go vegan as Quorn launches an alternative made with protein derived from fungus – to help create a similar flaky texture.
The meat-free brand is set to release breaded and battered fishless fillets in March, both of which took five years to produce.
It comes just two weeks after Greggs launched a vegan sausage roll, and days after Harvester announced a new plant-based menu.

Thanks but no thanks… I’ll be sticking with cod.

And don’t get me started about vegan sausage rolls.

Veganuary Report: Week 1

In honor of Veganuary, I will be posting my daily food intake each Saturday evening for the rest of the month.

Jan 1:  Bacon & scrambled eggs (breakfast), leg of lamb, asparagus & sweet potato (dinner)

Jan 2:  Boerewors & egg (breakfast), pastrami sandwich & cole slaw (dinner), beef biltong snack

Jan 3:  Boerewors & egg (breakfast), BBQ pulled pork & cole slaw (dinner)

Jan 4:  Boerewors & egg (breakfast), fish (cod) & chips (dinner)

Jan 5:  Bacon & scrambled eggs (breakfast), ham sandwich (lunch), beef bourguignon (scheduled for a late dinner tonight)   lobster bisque, pork chop, mash potatoes and veg (dinner).

In case you’re wondering, I eat a VERY early breakfast on weekdays because I’m up at 4am for Uber duty, and it’s just easier to warm up a piece of sausage to eat in the car.  I always have at least half a dozen hard-boiled eggs in the fridge both for breakfast and as an occasional salad component.

All non-vegan suggestions are welcome in Comments.  Vegan commentary can fuck off.

Never Touch The Stuff

I have a theory that people only eat airline meals out of boredom — anything to relieve the tedium of a long flight — because I absolutely cannot imagine another reason for subjecting your taste buds to the bland, horrible pablum that passes for airline “food”.  And I cannot fathom why any airline would offer meals on a flight lasting less than three hours anyway, but they do.

So you can imagine my disinterest when yet another survey came out to see which airline offered the “healthiest, most nutritious / calorie-conscious  / whatever” meals on their flights.  Apparently, Alaska and Delta are at the top while at the bottom (to nobody’s surprise) comes Spirit Airlines (motto: “We invented cheap ‘n nasty travel, and we never forget to remind you of the fact”).

What amazes me is not that cheapskate Southwest Airlines (“Get where you’re going via five stops”) comes near the bottom of the list, but that they offer any food at all.  As far as I’m concerned, Southwest passengers should get free water and maybe a small pack of nuts, and count their blessings — and ditto people who fly with Spirit and all the other “budget” airlines.

As most of my travel is transoceanic ergo long-haul, I always make sure to take my own food on board, which has two features in my favor:  firstly, I can eat anytime I feel hungry and not when the airline thinks I should (e.g. 15 minutes before touchdown, the idiots), and secondly, I’m always assured that I’ll be getting food which I love to eat and is not nutritionally suspect (unless I decide to make it so, see below).  I have no dietary restrictions other than voluntary ones, so I can take pretty much whatever I like.

The only problem I have is booze, which dehydrates me anyway, and coupled with the regular dehydration of high-altitude travel therefore gives me a real chance of a painful gout attack.  So I never drink booze while flying — which kinda sucks, but waddya gonna do? — and instead, I take a couple of empty quart bottles through airport security (150ml? go fuck yourselves) and fill them up at a water fountain before boarding ($5 for a pint bottle of Dahani? go fuck yourselves, x 2).  I know, I often complain about how much I hate the (non-)taste of plain water, but I figure that I can endure pretty much anything for eight or so hours, and water isn’t the worst of those, by any means.  Additional note:  the last couple of times I flew out of London’s Heathrow, there was a promotion inside the secure area-stores which offered a free 500ml bottle of Evian with purchase of the Daily Telegraph, an excellent bargain because it provided me with in-flight water and gave me something to read while eating my pre-flight meal of a Full English breakfast / fish ‘n chips (depending on time of day or mood).

I divide my on-board food into three categories:  food, snacks and self-indulgence;  and I take one of each kind every time I fly.

The travel food is simple:  meat. Specifically, it’s 1lb of South African biltong (never American jerky because it’s too sweet and tastes like crap anyway).  I know, biltong is generally nosebleed-expensive no matter where you buy it, but a pound lasts me for both outbound and return flights.  Also, biltong (unlike jerky) is made of steak, so it’s quality meat.  Sometimes I’ll take some droëwors (another South African delicacy, pronounced “drew-uh-vorce”) which is spicy dried sausage, and I buy it and the biltong at a little shop in Grapevine.  That takes care of the protein, which is really all one needs to keep fed for 8-10 hours anyway.  (Warning:  both biltong and droëwors are highly addictive if you develop a taste for them.  I grew up eating the stuff, so I’m screwed.)

My travel snack is likewise simple:  salted cashew nuts, kept in a resealable plastic bag.  I love the damn things, and a large bag is seldom far from reach at home anyway.  (I know, they’re not as good for you as almonds, but I cannot stand the taste of almonds.)  I take nearly 2lbs of cashews when I travel simply so that I don’t have to buy them for the return flight — go ahead and see how much cashews cost in the U.K. and Europe, and you’ll see why.  Sometimes, if I remember to buy them ahead of time, I’ll also take some dried cherries, just for variation, or else I’ll buy a banana at one of the airport shops, if available.

My self-indulgence is even more simple:  a large bar of chocolate.  (I know, I know, don’t scold me.)  I have over the past three years managed to if not conquer my addiction, then at least tame it.  And if ever there’s a time when I can justify spoiling myself, it’s when I’m flying in a cramped coach-class airline seat for ten hours.  No jury would convict.  As for which specific chocolate, I leave the choice till the day of, or the day before my flight, but it’s generally drawn from Nestlé’s AeroMilky Bar or Cadbury’s Dairy Milk.  All are available at the World Market just up the road or at the Grapevine shop en route  to DFW, so it’s an easy purchase.  If I’m going to England, then I’ll forego those choices (because I can buy them Over There for the return trip), and take instead a bag of chocolate-covered cherries from Central Market on the outbound flight.

I think you’ll agree that the above yummies constitute a compelling alternative to bland, tasteless airline food.  If you disagree with me, I don’t wanna hear about it.  And please:  I know that airline meals are “free”, and if ever there’s truth in the saying that you get what you pay for, that would be it.

Finally — and this can be important — my airline food and water supply makes me less vulnerable to long flight delays, even if overnight ones.  There’s nothing worse than being told your flight has been postponed to the next day meaning an overnight stay in the airport, and finding out that all the restaurants have closed.

It’s all part of being prepared for the worst, isn’t it?

Trends

…and not any trends that I can enjoy, either.  Here’s the first:

Trendy cafes ban ‘superfood’ [avocado]  amid fears they are damaging the environment and boosting criminal cartels

Seriously?  Feel free to read the whole thing, but it may make you ill when you see how the Trendy Elite justify total foolishness.  (Then, on the other hand, these are the same people who read the Guardian and the NYFT, and blindly vote Labour / Democrat [i.e. socialist], so small wonder they’re vapid idiots.)

But if you thought that was stupid, try this piece of utter bullshit:

Chef Heston Blumenthal reveals newfound taste for GRAVEL after adding pebbles and rocks from his garden to soup

So, to sum up the meals of the future:  avocados bad, gravel and pebbles good.

Got it.  Fucking morons.

Gluttony

Oh FFS, I did NOT need to hear about this, from Marks & Spencer in Britishland:

A supermarket pie is proving so popular with the public that production is being doubled to keep up with customer demand.
M&S launched its ‘Our Best Ever Steak Pie’ last week, and had sold out in stores nationwide that same day as customers scrambled to get their hands on the meaty treat.
And now the high street giant has announced that the £6 pie, which serves two people, has become its fastest selling product ever – with 20,000 flying off the shelves in just two days.
On its second day of sales it moved into the top 10 bestsellers list – and is already on track to become number one.

And to make matters worse, here’s what it looks like:

[exit, drooling]