England’s Not-So Green And Pleasant

The first time the Son&Heir laid eyes on Britishland, it was after a night-time flight from Dallas.  As the sun was coming up, he saw the countryside around The Englishman’s Castle (Wiltshire), and his exclamation of:  “Look!  It’s the Shire!  Where’s Pippin’s house?”  has since passed  into family lore.  Here’s a pic of The Englishman’s estate, taken from a nearby hill:

Lately, however, that same view of England’s green and pleasant land looks more like North Texas (except for the horse):

Needless to say, every July in North Texas we generally describe our heat as “sitting inside with the a/c on and a cold drink in hand, watching the lawn die”  because for this area, our natural climate is drought;  but it has to be an alien feeling for the Brits, who are drinking nettle tea [sic] to help cope with the heat.  (I spoke to Mr. Free Market early yesterday morning, and [cue apocalyptic music]  he’s actually had to resort to putting ice in his whisky, so bad have things become Over There.)

Of course, come October when we Texans will still be experiencing temperatures in the 90s, the Brits will no doubt be complaining about their fall’s damp chill, and they’ll be booking flights to Spain or Portugal where the weather will be exactly like it is now in Britishland.

Some people are never satisfied.

Still, it must be alarming for people accustomed to verdant green countryside such as this:

…to be suddenly exposed to this:

Oh, and one last thought:  this isn’t “climate change”:  it’s weather.  Talk to me again when the weather’s been like this in Britain for fifty summers in a row, and we can then state with some degree of certainty that the climate is changing.

National Mockery: The Welsh

As far as I’m concerned, making fun of foreigners is one of the best forms of humor, period.  It has a storied tradition, and the thing about it is that the humor often contains germs of truth, if not complete truisms.  Despite what today’s PC- and Snowflake generations may think, that it can be offensive is all the funnier.

When this guy posted a funny about the Welsh, apparently the sheep-shaggers took offense at the dig:

He was criticised by Welsh speakers, with Plaid Cymru leader Leanne Wood accusing him of ‘ignorance’ and a ‘lack of culture’.
Ms Wood tweeted him saying: ‘As the chair of the Barbican centre in London, why would you show such ignorance, spite and lack of culture as you have displayed in this tweet?
‘If it was meant to be a joke, it just isn’t funny. An apology would be good.’

Frankly, I think it’s hysterically funny, but it seems that I may be in the minority.  [#Don’tCare]

I’m therefore starting a category on this here website which does nothing but poke fun at furriners of all races, creeds and colors. (I know, this is not exactly a new concept on my back porch, but now I’m formalizing the thing.)  So on the subject of the Welsh, here’s another one:

And from the “What Did You Expect?  They’re Welsh! ” Department comes this wonderful headline:

Football superstar Gareth Bale calls OFF wedding after fiancee’s father was jailed, brother-in-law died and grandparents got caught in bizarre feud over suitcase full of £750,000 cash (AND after they tried to hire Beyonce as the wedding singer)

I supposed Tom Jones was already booked.

Feel free to add your own Welsh (-only) jokes in Comments (and as always, don’t be shy — as long as it’s funny).

Next time I’ll pick on another nationality.

And by the way, just in case someone is curious:  there will be no apologies in this department, ever.


Afterthought:  Alert Reader KyleM tells me in an email that the pic is incorrect:  if that were truly in Wales, it would be the shepherd shagging the sheep, not his sheepdog.  Kyle gets a Kimbo Award for making me spew my morning gin all over the keyboard.

Viking Spirit

As we all know, Danes once formed part of the dreaded Viking group of raiders who held most of Western Europe in a grip of terror:  killing innocent people, rape, pillage, sacking monasteries etc.  In the past century or so, however, the Danes had become totally wussy, with a soft social tolerance of all things which would otherwise be beyond the pale in any ordered society.

Well, it seems like you can only push these particular Norsemen so far before they start getting twitchy:

So why is Denmark banning the burka and threatening to end benefits for migrants whose children don’t integrate?
Across the country, 21 other [ghettoes] with high crime rates, soaring unemployment and more than 50 per cent non-Western residents… are due to be ‘eradicated’ by 2030, following the introduction of controversial laws aimed at protecting ‘Danishness’ and ridding the country of so-called ‘parallel’ societies.
Later this year, legislation will force all families living in these ghettos to send their toddlers, as young as one year old, to approved day centres to learn the Danish language and Danish values.
The children will have to complete 25 hours of compulsory state education and, while the primary focus will be on language skills and learning, the plan is to educate the mainly Muslim children in the Danish way of life, as well as to give instruction on religious holidays, Christmas and Easter, and their importance in the Christian calendar.

I’m going to pause right now, to allow the cheers and applause to die down.  (I bet His Rottieness The Emperor Misha — who is Danish — is cheering his head off.)

There’s nothing “controversial” about this legislation at all.  The primary responsibility that all immigrants should assume when arriving in their host country is to assimilate and acculturate — even if only for gratitude’s sake.  The fact that the (primarily Muslim) newcomers in Denmark (and in other European countries) have not done so is reprehensible, and the Danish government is quite justified in saying “Assimilate or we’ll end the benefits which we so readily grant you when you arrive here.”

Good for them, say I.  And if these assholes dig their heels in and refuse to obey the law, then Denmark should deport all of them  — including their Danish-born children — back to their home countries.  I’m so sick of newcomers insisting that the hosts should change rather than they themselves.

In fact, this is such a good idea that I think I’m going to write to TexGov Jim Greg Abbott and suggest that we copy the Danish program here for all immigrants, but especially for Mexicans and Californians.  (For the latter, we need a crash course on conservative values and another one on gun ownership, to name but two.)

We can start by removing all that Habla Español  bullshit on our official documents, because the official language of this country is English and if you come here, you have to learn it.

As the Danes would say:  it’s time to fit in or fuck off.

Dirty Saint

There’s an exhibition going on in London at the moment which is all about the life of the sainted Nelson Mandela, and predictably, all the Usual Suspects are oohing and ahhing about it.

Well, far be it for me to piss in anyone’s lobster bisque, here, but let’s have a little perspective on the man and his doings, shall we?  Brace yourselves.

“Today I don’t mourn Mandela’s passing. Instead, today I think of the people he murdered.  I think of them lying in their graves while for years he drank champagne and was fettered on the international stage as some kind of living god.  I think of all the people who have died since he became president of South Africa.  All the farmers, all the elderly, all the men, women and especially all the children, who died as a result of him being unleashed onto South Africa.

“And while the brainwashed celebrate his life and his so-called achievements, I remember that he pleaded guilty to 156 counts of public violence, including mobilizing terrorist bombing campaigns, which planted bombs in public places.  Many innocent people including women and children died because of Mandela and his MK terrorists.  For that he wasn’t hung by the neck until dead — instead he was given a life sentence in jail, the biggest mistake ever made by the South African judiciary.  For it gave the ANC time to white-wash his history and remake Mandela into a freedom fighter.  And with the help of Communists around the Western world, the reincarnation of Mandela the freedom fighter and Black activist was achieved.

“I’ll remember too that he released thousands of criminals, murderers and rapists from jail every year to celebrate his birthday while president, unleashing even more violence, chaos and death on the people of South Africa.  I’ll remember Mandela supporting some of the worst dictatorships and human rights abusers in the world:  Fidel Castro, Ghaddafi in Libya, China, Suddam Hussein in Iraq, Robert Mugabe in Zimbabwe… the list goes on.  No one too evil to visit or welcome in South Africa by Mandela, yet he was celebrated as a human rights champion by the world.

“I’ll remember that over 100,000 people were murdered under Mandela’s presidency –- an average of 25,000 people each year.  Up from 170 each year under Apartheid (1948-1989).  I’ll remember that in the first four years of his presidency, the South African currency lost 80% of its value and 2.8 million working days were lost due to strikes.  I’ll remember that the national debt doubled under Mandela.

“Yes , I will remember the failure that the man Nelson Mandela was.  Not the magical myth we’re supposed to believe in.  The world may have repackaged and re-branded him, but underneath he’s still the same murdering terrorist and Communist he always was.” — Lauren Southern

And there’s not one single falsehood in any of that.

Some saint.

Weasels

Here’s something which made my blood boil:

Geert Wilders had been scheduled to speak at today’s #FreeTommy rally in London. However, the British government refused to allow his bodyguards to carry guns while in the UK, and the Metropolitan Police declined to provide him with a protection detail, so he was unable to attend.

So because a man has unpopular (albeit correct) views on Diversiteh, he needs armed bodyguards to protect him from radical Islamist assholes.  So the BritGov cites their law against anyone carrying a gun who isn’t a cop (thus stripping Wilders of his protection), and then “declines” to give him any substitute police protection so he can’t visit the country (which was their intention all along, only they didn’t have the guts to ban him outright).

I hereby give the cowardly Brit Gummint a Golden Fuckweasel Award.

What He Said

Saith Robert Hardman in the Daily Mail:

Perhaps I just wasn’t paying attention but I am pretty sure that this lot were not here three months ago. On that occasion, London was hosting not just one ‘bigot’ but dozens. In fact, all told, the 2018 Commonwealth summit honoured no less than 37 world leaders who choose to criminalise homosexuality in their countries.
I certainly remember them all getting a full state welcome and dinner at Buckingham Palace. The funny thing is, I just can’t recall the protests. Nor did I see the placards a month earlier when a leader who bans women from voting in general elections – and only let them drive cars this year – was a guest of honour in the City of London.
Aside from a handful of protestors outside Downing Street, there was no street march against Crown Prince Mohammed of Saudi Arabia.
Maybe everyone was washing their hair that day.
Yesterday, however, thousands did manage to find the time to hit the streets to hurl various forms of abuse – some of it cogent, much of it unprintable and lot of it simply adolescent – at our most important ally.
I imagine most women, most gays and most members of any ethnic minority would much prefer to live in Donald Trump’s USA than most nations on earth. Yesterday, however, he was cast as the pantomime enemy of almost every cause on the political spectrum from centre-Left grievances all the way out to the communists (who certainly deserved the award for the most elaborate banner yesterday – a magnificent old-fashioned specimen beautifully embroidered with Lenin and Marx).
Whatever your issue – Brexit, climate change, feminism, Palestine, capitalism, gay and transgender rights – Donald Trump was the problem and guilty as charged. So roll up, folks, and signal your virtues.

And they did:

Mind you, expecting any kind of consistency from the Left is like expecting lions to go vegan:  it’s just not in their nature.

And of course, he’ll never get the Screaming Freak vote:

I have a serious question:  can you imagine belonging to a “movement” which includes people like this as members?  What could possibly possess people to act this way?

I guess it’s because Trump!  And that excuses anything.

Fucking morons.  All of them.  Including the people who are encouraging this crap, e.g.  Maxine (Red Maxi) Waters and Bernie (Scum) Sanders.  These fuckups couldn’t “resist” a ripple in a pond.