Tag: Foreigners

Long Weekend

Freaks & Loonies, Mocking Furriners

As we Murkins head into the last long weekend of the summer, I thought it would be appropriate to see how others do long weekends — or specifically, how they do a “Bank Holiday” weekend in Britishland.

Last weekend, in fact, was the hottest such on record in the U.K., so of course the pasty-skinned Brits headed for the beach to get properly burned:

 

Okay,there were some  sorta-worthwhile sights along the way:

 

 

But if stuck in London, there was always the annual Notting Hill Carnival:

 

 

And for the sake of balance, just to prove that I can be inclusive:

Or, if it was too hot in daytime, one could always wait until night time and hit the pubs:

 

 

If I didn’t know better, I’d say this lot were having a pee through the windows:

 

You have to admire their stupidity bravery in balancing precariously (and, one assumes, drunkenly) over those anti-pigeon spikes, though.

But none of that is exclusive to Britishland, really — you could do all that anywhere in the world.  To make the thing British, you’d have to participate in the World Bog Snorkelling Championships, wherein one has to swim through a malodorous boggy trench — and this is what makes it truly  British — in fancy-dress costume:

 

 

Given the choices at the top of this page, I think I’d rather do the Bog thing, dressed as a Viking.

Still, in the same spirit:  enjoy the Labor Day Weekend, folks!

Not Quite The Look

Grooming

Okay, I saw this pic while scanning the headlines:

 

I’m not going to bother with a link to the article because it isn’t relevant — the guy is semi-famous for being on some soft-core porno reality show in Britishland, ergo  of no interest to me or to my Readers.

But I have to ask:  is wearing what looks like a chick’s sport bra just to show off your flat stomach not the gayest thing since Elton John’s wedding?

Nature In The Raw

Nature

I’m always amused by stories such as this one:

A musician who was collecting nature sounds while camping at a remote spot in Canada was mauled to death by a bear that dragged him away as he slept.
Julian Gauthier, 44 – who was born in Canada but has lived in France since he was 19 – was on a trip by the Mackenzie River in the Northwest Territories when he was dragged off by the beast on Thursday, July 15, according to biologist, Camille Toscani, who was traveling with him.
Gauthier was collecting nature sounds for his work and planned to canoe 930 miles down the river from Fort Providence to Inuvik.
But he was attacked by the animal in the middle of the night in the Tulita area, only one week after he posted about four bears being the only other living souls they’d seen on their trip.

It never ceases to amaze me that people head out into nature utterly unprepared for what might befall them once they’re there.  In the above case, I’m sure that had the guy been offered a gun to take with him, he probably would have declined because Eeeevil Guns.  But I’m also bewildered that he wasn’t offered some measures that might either repel grizzlies or at least keep one alerted to their presence (IR motion sensors, klaxon sirens, bear spray etc.);  but without any of that stuff, he ended up being grizzly din-dins.

One would think that as he’d spent his first nineteen years in Canada, he’d be at least a little  aware of what he was getting into;  on the other hand, though, if he grew up in some non-Canadian milieu such as Toronto he’d probably be as blissfully unaware of the peril as a Manhattanite.

Please, people:  as far as that old bitch Mother Nature is concerned, we humans are like marshmallows:  soft, slow, tasty and harmless.  It’s only when we take on accoutrements (such as the above) that put us at the top of the food chain that we stand a chance of survival.

Anyway, at least the deceased got a few “nature sounds” on tape, although I’m guessing that “chomping bear jaws” probably wasn’t what he was looking for.

Here would be my suggestion for an anti-bear device:

That’s a Mossberg 500 Mariner 12ga, and I’d load the mag tube with a mixture of 00 buckshot and slugs.  (If such things are allowed in Canuckistan, that is.)

Lighten Up, Frances

Entertainment

Somebody buy this bad boy a drink:

Gianluca Vacchis litters Instagram daily with videos of himself dancing with scantily clad women.
But the Italian 52-year-old millionaire playboy has run into a social media backlash after posting a video of himself hitting the bikini clad models’ behinds on his private yacht.
Vacchi has recently taken up music and the video shows him bouncing his hands off the model’s derrieres to the beat of his newest track ‘Mueve.’

LOL

But the video has been met with criticism.
Many of the comments posted under the video said the video was ‘demeaning’ and a ‘sad moment,’ and that his behaviour suggested a lack of respect towards women.
Some asked whether his girlfriend Sharon Fonseca, who he’s been with since April 2017, approved.
Others said the women filmed did not respect themselves and that they were ‘following your money.’

Good grief:  the feministical snowflakery is strong with this one.

But Our Hero responded in the proper way:

Vacchi used more than words to respond to the negative criticism of his video with a follow up released around a week later.
In the video, four women dressed in stylish business suits discipline the silver haired multi-millionaire by returning the spanking.
Vacchi, dressed in a leopard print leotard and high heels bends over twerking in high heels.

Somebody buy this man another  drink.

Nobody Cares

Two-Minute Hate

If ever there’s a case of wealthy people playing by their own set of rules, it’s this one:

As supercars flood the streets of Kensington, Chelsea and Belgravia, the people who live in London’s most affluent corners are battling infuriating levels of noise and the ever-present threat of a deadly accident.
Driven by young, rich and largely Middle-Eastern men, the high-performance vehicles can be heard tearing around late into the night.
And last week, an Audi Q7 4×4 caused £1million of damage when it wiped out a £200,000 McLaren, £40,000 Porsche, £200,000 Bentley along with eight other cars when the driver ploughed into the vehicles in a shocking crash caught on CCTV.
It left the well-heeled occupants of Moore Street and the surrounding areas fearing that muscles cars will one day kill one of their neighbours after the Audi’s driver was taken to hospital with a serious head injury.

Ooooh the humanity!

Here’s the problem with all this.  If the local councils wanted to eliminate street racing completely, there’s a two-word solution:  speed bumps.

 

Let’s see how Abdul El-Speedah reacts when his Lambo hits one of these puppies at 50mph:

 

Now before the Anti-Speed Bump Brigade comes at me with pitchforks etc., please remember that what we’re talking about here is city  streets, not exurban ones (which local town councils seem to install just for spite, sometimes).

There is no excuse — none — for speeding in London’s narrow streets, and as I said, if the borough councils were willing, they could end it in a couple weeks.

Said councils would probably not follow my other suggestion (ambushes featuring local volunteers armed with AK-47s), so they might as well follow the Wussy Highway and pop in the bumps.

Problem is that the Ryche Pharts who live in Chelsea, Pimlico and Belgravia also  face damage to their own low-slung road rockets like Ferraris and Lambos  (although most seem to own Chelsea Tractors — Range Rovers — so maybe it wouldn’t be too bad on the locals).

Fact remains that there is a solution to Arab boy racers, and it’s effective, cheap and easy, so why don’t the councils just do it?  Oh wait… “effective, cheap and easy” and “government”:  I just answered my own question.