5 Worst Drinks To Get Drunk On

I’m not interested in stupid drinks like “cognac & gin”, home-brewed or -distilled nastiness, insane mixtures like “tequila & drain cleaner” or similar nonsense. I’m talking about regular bar drinks that, when drunk in very large quantities, make your mouth feel like the inside of Andrea Dworkin’s sneaker when you wake up the next morning. In order of increasing hideousness (and please don’t ask me how I know all this):

Note that so foul are these Terrible Five that tequila doesn’t even come close to making the list, although that Greek Pine-Sol-flavored wine retsina gets an honorable mention.

Your own suggestions in Comments, as usual.

Getting Cold

Apparently, some courtside models are moaning about wearing skimpy outfits in cold weather. Predictably, the Gummint is right on it:

After complaints that models at the Barcelona Open in April were forced to wear uniforms that were a hazard to their health, multiple fines of more than $38,000 have been handed out by the Catalonia’s regional Work Inspectorate, the Spanish workplace-relations watchdog. Models from the Tote Vignau agency registered an official complaint against the agency and major sponsor Schweppes after they were forced to brave cold temperatures in the skimpy uniforms that did not protect them properly from the elements when the temperatures dropped below 50 degrees.

I don’t want to sound too callous about this, but without the sponsors, the chicas wouldn’t have had this job at all. From my time in the advertising- and promotion business, you do what the sponsor tells you to do, period, end of story.

That said, however, the promotion planners of this event need to get their botties spanked because the nature of planning means that you make contingencies for… oh I don’t know, say, the weather? 

Clearly, the tennis promoters need to take a lesson from Formula One and MotoGP, who always make sure their sponsors’ models are dressed appropriately for the weather. And for educational purposes only, allow me to illustrate what I’m talking about:

…and note the presence of brollies in the next pic, to protect the young ladies from the rain or harsh sunlight:

Now that’s what I call considerate. (Incidentally, I want one of those Alfa Romeo brollies really badly.)

Caption Competition #1

Here’s something I’d like to try, just to test y’all’s creativity and sense of humor: “Caption This Picture”. (The captions can be as dark, stupid, outrageous or smutty as you want, I don’t care.) If this idea proves to be popular and / or makes me laugh, then I’ll make it a regular feature.

Take a look at the picture below, and add your own caption in Comments.