“Dear Dr. Kim”

“Dear Doctor Kim,
Is it OK to use a coupon when I take my girlfriend on a date? What about taking home leftovers?”
— Wondering in the West

Dear Blundering:
I suspect that you’re nervous about being called a cheapskate, but never fear: I have several ways through this minefield.

The only ironclad rule about coupons is: never ever use a coupon on a first date. I shouldn’t have to explain this.
On other occasions, however, whether or not to use restaurant coupons depends on a few factors.
1.) What restaurant are we talking about? If it’s McDonald’s or similar dreck, who cares? (The question in this case is: what kind of man takes his girlfriend to a hellhole like that in the first place?) If it’s Morton’s or Lawry’s, however, she should appreciate being taken there at all, so use that coupon at will.
2.) At what stage are you in terms of your relationship? If it’s still in its first bloom, you may want to hold onto the coupon for a while — once you’re settled, she won’t mind because (and I can hear the feministicals wailing already) less money spent at the restaurant means more money to be spent on her.
The only thing you have to avoid is not going to any restaurant on a date unless you have a coupon — it’s the infallible mark of a terminal cheapskate, and unless your girlfriend is of a similar bent, stand by for trouble.

As for leftovers: it depends completely on the food, the portion sizes, or whose food it is.
1.) No grown human being should take home leftover fast food, of any description.
2.) If the portion sizes are of New Jersey Diner Quantity (i.e. beyond the ability of anyone not Jewish or Italian to finish in a single sitting), then go ahead: there’s no shame in it.
3.) And regardless of portion size, if it’s her food we’re talking about and she wasn’t able to finish it but enjoyed it immensely, offering to take it home is going to be well received.

By the way: attempting to take home leftovers from an all-you-can-eat buffet joint should be punishable by scourging. There are limits.

–Dr. Kim

Fully Recovered

A couple of people have asked about my knee (LCL partially torn while buggering around in the Scottish Highlands, as previously reported on these pages), and I’m glad to report that it has fully healed; Doc Russia’s on-the-spot prescription of knee brace and no strenuous activity for 6-8 weeks was spot on.

I was reminded of my owie when I stumbled upon this pic of Gina Lollobrigida, similarly injured:

Of course, Gina’s legs are far better to look at than my knobbly old things; and only she could make injury look sexy.

You’re welcome.

Question Of Taste(s)

Home again, with absolutely no trouble at Heathrow from the TSA (Brit version) on this occasion. (Getting through DFW was another story, but that’s a tale for another time.)

Just as when I arrive in a foreign country, my first instinct is to dive into the local food and drink — e.g. Wadworth 6X and steak ‘n kidney pie in Britishland — the first thing I did when arriving back in Texas was to gorge myself on BBQ, washed down with copious quantities of bourbon. (Doc Russia seems to be in league with Mr. FM to destroy my liver. I love my friends.)

This morning, it’s the turn of Noosa yogurt with honey, and Krispy Kreme coffee. Yum yum.

I’m back: tanned, rested and ready. For what, I’m not quite sure.

On My Way

Yup; by the time you read this, I should be in the air somewhere between London and Dallas. The Great Sabbatical of 2017 has come to an end.

Now it’s back to reality. This should be interesting…

 

5 Worst Things To Discover On A First Date

Ranked in ascending order of awfulness, as always:

For men:

  • She hates guns
  • She worked on Hillary Clinton’s campaign in 2016
  • She’s a militant vegan
  • She has a really fun story about how she acquired her latest(!!) tattoo
  • She owns four cats

(If she checks all five boxes, you may have to kill yourself just to escape the date.)

For women:

  • He still lives with mommy
  • He’s a Muslim
  • He hates guns
  • He thinks Trump is literally worse than Hitler
  • He has to leave the date early to go to an antifa rally

Your own contributions in Comments. Bonus points if you’ve ever discovered these things on an actual first date.

Pocket Pistols

Following the Top New Guns Of 2017, we now have the list of 14 Great Pocket Pistols for Personal Defense.

I’m going to start off with a question: how can a pistol with the following characteristics be called “great”?

The magazine is, of course, a proprietary design, and only certain kinds of ammunition can be used in the BullPup9. If bullets aren’t crimped tightly enough, the extraction of the round from the magazine can mechanically disassemble the round inside the gun. Also, only a limited number of guns are produced by Bond Arms each month.

Forgive me if I shudder at the thought of ammo being pulled apart inside the gun. I’m a huge fan of Bond Arms Derringers — owned one for many years and carried it as a backup with complete confidence — but I can’t help thinking they’ve stepped outside their area of expertise here.

But that’s just an aside. There’s a bigger issue at play, and it’s this.

I see the need for a pocket pistol (or, as we used to call them, “7-11 guns”) — you shove it in your pocket when you’re out running an errand simply because any gun is better than no gun, right?

Well, not exactly. If you peruse the above list of pocket pistols, what will strike you quite forcibly is that they mostly shoot lil’ tiny boolets because if you shoot something manly (i.e. effective), the tiny frames of said guns makes them almost impossible to control with any degree of confidence and therefore of accuracy. I’ve fired enough of the pistols on the list to be pretty sure of my ground on this issue — the little Kel-Tec, for example, is cheap, handy and not too nasty, but at any distance outside halitosis range, you’re almost better off throwing the gun than shooting it.

The guns that look as though they will be effective are, surprise surprise, the ones which are basically shrunken full-size pistols like the Kimber Micro 9 and the Glock 42 — which begs the question, “Why not, then, just carry their slightly-bigger brothers with confidence?”

I don’t like pocket pistols much, and I hate them as a primary self-defense weapon. And yes, I’ve been as guilty as anyone else when sticking a little popgun into my pocket when running out to make an emergency purchase from the liquor store or convenience store, because yes, I too can be lazy.

But it’s a bad habit, and I’ve worked really hard to overcome it over the years. Now, in those circumstances, I forget the pocket pistol and go instead with my backup handgun, a S&W Mod 637 Airweight chambered in .38 Special +P.

A wise man once told me: “If you use a pocket pistol on someone, there’d better be some serious powder burns on his skin afterwards” — in other words, you use it with the muzzle pressed up against his neck or chest before you pull the trigger.

And under those conditions, don’t bother with a pocket pistol shooting its BB +P rounds; use a decent pocket pistol, such as made by the aforementioned Bond Arms, but chambered in something like .357 Magnum, .45 Long Colt or .410ga (the last two, of course, being interchangeable).

If you think of a pocket pistol as being “last-ditch” rather than “primary”, you won’t go wrong, I promise you.

To spell it out: the pocket pistol should be the third gun you carry, rather than the only one — and I would suggest that under those circumstances, you can do a lot better than any of the fourteen listed.