While this may be amusing, in fact it could have been taken from a university faculty’s handbook for linguistic standards. (Which is all the funnier when they used “contemporary” when in fact they should have used “contemporaneous” for extra-special orotundity and opacity.)
As I get older, more cynical and less fearful of this Game we call Life, stories like this have a strange appeal — and not necessarily from good intentions, as you will see. Here’s the executive summary:
Guy gets hired by a company, and over a period of nine years swindles enough money to fund a “fantasy lifestyle of Las Vegas and New York trips, stays in The Ritz and Savoy and Harrods shopping sprees”.
Thinking about it in the Murkin idiom, that would mean trips to London and Monaco, staying at the Ritz and Fairmont, and of course Harrods shopping sprees. (The story also mentions that the man paid for house improvements, but never mind that nonsense.)
Which brings me to the point. Eventually, the gravy train came to an end when Freddie The Fraudster was caught (ironically, through invoices for his house improvements), and he’s just been sentenced to five years in jail.
So let’s see. If I somehow stumbled onto a scheme like this, I’d live the life of Reilly for nine years (taking me to age 77), and then get to spend my dotage (assuming I even got that far) in government-subsidized accommodation with free food and healthcare until I snuffed it.
Five years of boarding school in return for nine years of utter hedonism?
Granted, there are parts of this story that are truly reprehensible — such as the fact that this mope was hired by a good man who wanted to give him a second chance at life, and he repaid the kindness by stealing the company blind for nearly a decade. That’s about as bad as it gets, and under those circumstances I would never countenance doing the same as the prisoner in the dock.
But if I could do the same while being employed by a wealthy stranger (or even better, Global MegaCorp Inc.)…
Not to mention:
Don’t even talk about it.
Unfortunately, I have a conscience, and her name is New Wife. So none of that’s gonna happen.
Dec 7, a date which will forever live in infamy:
However, for me it’s not quite that bad, in that it’s also my dear friend Trevor’s birthday:
…as well as that of my New Daughter-In-Law Kerryn:
Happy Birthday to both of you, and never mind the sound of exploding battleships in the background.
(I should point out that Trevor lives in Hawaii — but nowhere near Pearl Harbor, and Kerryn in Johannesburg, also nowhere near Pearl Harbor…)
Sponsored by the makers of:
And on we go:
...confirming what everyone (except the WHO) knew all along. Also:
…confirming what everyone (except Fauci) knew all along. Ergo:
...
From our International News Desk:
...you had me at “French surrender”.
...their shithole country, their shitty rules.
...sounds more like a Frank Zappa album title. [/Weasels Ripped My Flesh]
And from the Dept. of Cultural Assimilation:
...no good deed goes unpunished; nor does stupidity. By the way, this now happens so often in Sweden that it’s no longer reported.
...report does not mention lynching, unfortunately.
...man, these pervos are getting kinda grabby, aren’t they? Also:
And in the same vein:
…
...ya thank?
...which, by the way, you richly deserve.
And from the INSIGNIFICA files:
...you fuck strangers for money, on camera: what’s to misconceive? Anyway:
(By the way: she’s a squirter, according to her bio.)
Worth $9 a month on OnlyFans? I report, you decide.
And there ya go: these are the times we live in.
It’s a well-known fact that if a criminal scrote wants to get into your car, he will. But why make it easier for him?
Got a car with keyless technology? It’s twice as likely to be stolen: Insurer reveals changing face of motor theft as brazen criminals shift tactics.
This is one modern geegaw I’ve never understood the need for, let alone wanted in my car. What is so difficult about inserting a key into the ignition and turning it, that you have to make it “wireless”?
Of course, there’s this:
Fuck ’em. If I ever get a new car (highly unlikely), the first thing I’ll have done is get the fob disabled. And if it can’t be disabled and is the only way to start the car, I’ll get another car with a fucking metal key.
This has nothing to do with a resistance to change; it’s resistance to pointless, expensive and unnecessary change.
Next: electronic handbrakes.
…a day makes.
Yesterday: Had my annual physical. Doc says that my stats show that I’m actually in better shape than at my last physical.
Today: Wake up with post-nasal drip and a sore throat.
