Dept. Of Righteous Slinging

Reader Quentin sent me this little piece of hilarious goblin takedown:

A teenager helped save his younger sister from an alleged kidnapper by shooting the suspect with his slingshot, Michigan authorities said.

The 8-year-old girl was mushroom-hunting in her backyard in Alpena Township on Wednesday when “an unknown male appeared from the woods,” the Michigan State Police said in a press release on Friday.

“The suspect had come through the woods onto the property and came from behind her, grabbed her like you’d see in the movies — hand over the mouth, arm around the waist — and was attempting to pull her into the woods,” Lt. John Grimshaw with the Michigan State Police told ABC Traverse City affiliate WGTU.

The girl was able to break free, police said. Her 13-year-old brother also witnessed the attack and shot the assailant in the head and chest with his slingshot, police said.

And then:

The suspect fled the area but was located by state troopers hiding at a nearby gas station and was able to be identified in part due to injuries from the slingshot, police said.

“The suspect had obvious signs of injury sustained from the slingshot with wounds to his head and chest,” police said.

Now, can I ask you all to rise…

Well done, youngster.  Bravissimo.

(Too bad he didn’t have a .22 rifle, but in this case, I’ll definitely take two ball bearings to the body for $400, Alex.)

I can just hear the other prisoners now:  “Dude!  You got whacked by a kid with a slingshot?  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!”

Monday Funnies

And on we go, trying to make the whole business more palatable.

And:

And possibly my favorite pic of the week:

No, wait… this one’s my favorite (for obvious reasons):

Now off to work you go.  Because those choppers aren’t going to fuel themselves.

Bygone Broads 2

Last year, I posted the first of this series, in which I lamented the disappearance of beautiful cars and lovely women from teenage boys’ bedroom walls.  That post featured a couple Ferraris and Lucy Pinder.

Here’s another such coupling [sic].  First, two cars of the Corvette persuasion:

…and second, one of the pinups who might have appeared on the opposite wall:

As the old saying went:  “Farrah Fawcett:  creating pup-tents in teenage boys’ beds since the 1970s.”

And as an older woman:

No Cheating

Via email, Reader Jim L. took issue with me on this post (Tinkering With A Dream), saying, “That’s an easy way out.  Almost ALL old cars would be great with modern technology.  Which old car would you choose if you COULDN’T put in modern tech?”

Okay, challenge accepted.  Just to make things more difficult for myself, I’ve excluded the original E-type, Dino and Merc 300 from the choices because even in their original offerings, they would occupy the top three slots anyway.  Also, I’ve included reliability and (reasonably-) low maintenance in the criteria (so bye-bye to Alfa, Fiat, Lancia etc.).  But above all, the cars have to have charm, beauty and charisma.

Assuming then that the car was in its contemporaneous showroom condition, here are my Top 6 Old Dream Cars:

1958 BMW 507

No need to add or subtract anything.  The only reason that BMW didn’t flood the market with these exquisite cars is because of its exorbitant price ($98k in 2020 dollars);  but by modern standards, it would be a bargain.  Today, even a clapped-out old 507 will fetch well over a million spondulicks (which says it all, really).  It was, and is, one of the most beautiful sports cars ever made, and it’s noteworthy that the few secondhand models still around have very high mileage on the tach.

1956 Citroën Traction Avant 15/H
The pre-war models were admittedly underpowered (not for the time, though), but by the late 1950s its 2.9-liter six-cylinder engine was tops.  (The “H” in the description denotes that the car was fitted with Citroën’s hydro-pneumatic suspension, which made it the most comfortable ride back then, and maybe still even by today’s standards.)  The TA was and still is wonderfully reliable, and in this old Frog limo I’d tour the country — any country — without a qualm.

1967 Monteverdi High Speed 375
Let’s see:  Swiss steel and manufacturing, Italian styling and an American engine (to be specific, Chrysler’s honking big-block 7.2-liter V8 putting out 375hp).  Find fault with any of those, I dare ya — and the combination was (and is) irresistible.  The only thing I don’t like about the Monteverdi is that it came only with automatic transmission — but in a tourer, that’s not too much of a compromise, really.

1969 Mercedes 300 SEL 6.3
More power than anyone would ever need off a racetrack (yes, a 6.3-liter engine with serious grunt), matchless reliability (built back in the day when engineering was Job #1 at Mercedes), and classic good looks.  The 6.3 actually created the “high performance” category of large luxury cars, and it took most other manufacturers nearly a decade to catch up properly.

1965 Mercedes 230 SL
Okay, this one’s as much for New Wife as for me, but I’d still take one for myself in a heartbeat.  It’s not a performance car by any definition, but it’s quick enough, and comfortable enough, and reliable in spades.  And lest we forget, it looks classy and elegant.

1963 Porsche 356 C Carrera 2
The last of the 356 line before being replaced by the 911, this one had Porsche’s 2-liter flat-four engine.  What it also had (and has) is wonderful reliability and driving pleasure.  What it doesn’t have (or need) is power anything, electronics and all the modern and mostly unnecessary crap that makes my nose twitch.

So there you have it:  six old cars, unaltered, out of the box, no changes necessary.  I would take all of them, in a heartbeat, and if forced to take only one, I’d roll the die and be perfectly satisfied with whichever number came up.

Predictable Commie Response

As many people know, Chile is one of my favorite countries on Earth;  so when I saw that the Commies had been routed in the last elections there, I did a little Happy Dance:

Chile’s most prominent right-wing party has romped an election on Sunday night aimed at selecting members for the constitutional assembly responsible for drafting the country’s new constitution.

The assembly was tasked with creating a new constitution to replace the one that was implemented during the military rule of General Augusto Pinochet which many credited for making Chile the most prosperous country in the region.

Needless to say, the Commies wanted to get rid of this horrible thing because Commies:

A draft by a predominantly left-wing assembly was overwhelmingly rejected in a national referendum. The draft had proposed numerous changes, including replacing the Senate with a Chamber of Regions and recognizing Chile as a “plurinational state,” granting indigenous groups additional rights and guarantees.

It also guaranteed several social benefits and environmental standards, making it one of the most progressive constitutions worldwide.

But unfortunately for them:

The proposal was turned down by 62 percent of voters in September 2022, prompting the latest election.

The Republican Party, led by conservative firebrand José Antonio Kast, emerged victorious with 22 seats after winning over 35 percent of the votes.

Here’s what happens next:

The assembly will now face the challenging task of reconciling the conservative majority’s ideas with the demand for change that sparked the process. Starting from June, the newly appointed constitutional councilors will have a four-month window to deliberate, converse, and implement alterations to a new constitution.

A final decision from the voters on the redraft will be made via another vote in December. If Chileans reject the updated constitution, the country will retain its previous Pinochet-era constitution.

Looks good for our side, huh?  A decisive (conservative) majority is about to set about making changes to the national constitution, if needed.

Well, the Left aren’t going to let a little thing like a popular majority interfere with their plans, of course.  So in typical fashion, they’ve responded the way they always do in such situations:

Unidentified hooded men attacked the home of conservative Republican Party lawmaker Héctor Urban on Tuesday evening. Urban was recently elected to help draft a new constitution for Chile.

The attack at Urban’s residence took place hours after a group of unidentified men set a vehicle on fire that belonged to the local Victoria Municipality and opened fire on the government official that drove the vehicle, seriously injuring one of his legs. Urban’s father, René Urban, a farmer who was presently working at the scene of the fire, also had his truck shot at but suffered no injuries.

Unknown assailants also attacked a police station in the town after the attack on Urban’s residence on Tuesday evening. Two members of Chile’s Carabineros law enforcement gendarmerie were reportedly injured with pellets. 

Yeah, “unidentified gunmen” — probably some of those White Christian supremacist groups that we’re always hearing about.

These scumbags are the brothers-in-arms of those Leftist bastards who violently demonstrated outside the homes of our conservative Supreme Court justices and made death threats against them around the time of the Dobbs (anti-Roe v. Wade) decision.

News Roundup

And while we’re there:


...of course, she’s not really that ignorant — she’s just pushing the Party line.  However:


...if A.I. is really that bad, we are truly fucked.


...I guess that “learn to code” advice wasn’t that good after all.


...errrr a little late for that now, innit?


...illustrated with a pic of a WHITE nurse?  LOL


...doesn’t matter.  Even if you’re caught driving without one, nothing happens to you.  Sorta like shoplifting in San Francisco. [/Third World]


...sheesh, when you’ve lost even the gayboys, can ruin be far behind? Oh wait:


...how do you boycott something that’s already being boycotted?  Is it a double-plus boycott?

Another report from Queer Wars:


...when asked to comment, Chuck Norris and Clint Eastwood both said:  “Huh.”


...even without walking backwards, I should have the best memory in the Western world, if that’s what it takes.


...yup, always protect the identity of the rape victim.

And now is MOAR INSIGNIFICA:

  

...wait:  women have orgasms?  They’ll be wanting the vote, next.

And finally, in Sporting News:


…which will please Napoli’s number one fan, sportscaster Floriana Messina.  Who she?

No wonder they won.

And that’s it for the news.