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News Roundup

Bad News

Speaking of things which leave a bad taste in yer mouth:


...seeing as fuck-all happened to him after the first two, I’ll take “Same again” for $400, Alex.

Speaking of non-binaries, lesbians and the like:


...doesn’t get much worse than being thrashed by a bunch of old Welshmen, does it?


...just wait till some smart guy makes AI work in a RealDoll:  it’ll be all over for Teh Grrrrlz.  And speaking of isolation dreams:


...wait, I thought that during Covidiocy, people couldn’t… oh, never mind.

And more from the Dept. of Public Fearmongering:


...wait:  tuberculosis?  [yawwwwwwwwwwwwwn]  Also keyword:  South Africa.

And from the Dept. Of Education Child Abuse:


…hey, it’s the King James Bible, a veritable orgy fountain of violence, vulgarity and impure thought.


...well, it isn’t.  Not among ordinary Texans, anyway.  Among perv teachers and anarchists, however...

From the Act Your Fucking Age Department:


...so much for his expensive elder-care insurance policy.


...I’m sure some gold-digging whore special someone will overlook his creepy Scientology beliefs and three failed marriages, and will declare the billionaire dwarf to be the Man Of Her Dreams.

And in the Lawn Order Files:


...”But Kim, he’s just a little old man!”  Use a little old rope.


...and here I thought it was just their secret hot dog salt.  Now I have to find another takeout place.


...”Where can I send this list of Jeffrey Epstein’s clients?”

And speaking of outtakes, here’s yet more (link-free) INSIGNIFICA:

Finally, after a lengthy absence, our Paige Three Report returns:


...and is there a better combination?

And that’s it for the nooooz.

Northern Invasion

Disaster

Not content with sending us Neil Young and Jim Carrey, the Canuckis are now poisoning our air as well:

New York City topped the list of the world’s worst air pollution for parts of Tuesday as harmful smoke wafted south from more than a hundred wildfires burning in Quebec.

Smoke from Canada’s fires has periodically engulfed the Northeast and Mid-Atlantic for more than a week, raising concerns over the harms of persistent poor air quality.

My suggestion would be to use CanuckPM Justin Castro Trudeau to beat out the flames, but no doubt this solution may upset some people.

I have no doubt too that the reasons for all these wildfires are similar to those of California’s runaway blazes, i.e. stupid Green policies [redundancy alert].

But at least New Yorkers can now see what it’s really like to live in Beijing.

Update:  Oh, lookee here.

Fixing The Mess

Media Assholes

I see that CNN has canned their CEO after only about a year on the job:

CNN CEO Chris Licht will be leaving the media company just 16 months after being picked for the position.

Licht announced Wednesday that he will be leaving CNN after meeting with Warner Bros. Discovery CEO David Zaslav. The 51-year-old CEO will be replaced in the interim by a three-person leadership team which includes longtime CNN executive Amy Entelis, who worked closely with former cable news boss Jeff Zucker before Zucker’s resignation in February of 2022.

“For a number of reasons things didn’t work out and that’s unfortunate,” Zaslav said. “It’s really unfortunate. And ultimately that’s on me. And I take full responsibility for that.”

Zaslav told employees that CNN is “in the process of conducting a wide search” for a new leader that could “take a while.”

I want this job.  Here’s how I see it working.

If CNN is serious about rebuilding its image and ratings, what better way to signal that change than by picking an avowed conservative (i.e. me) who will not become enthralled by blowjob pieces by the New York Times  and Atlantic Magazine?

My first pledge would be to make CNN’s principle business about actual news instead of opinion — all their talking heads would be fired on Day One of my tenure — and my job would be to make their ad line “This… is CNN”  something that doesn’t instantly cause mocking laughter and isn’t used as a punchline.

See this shit?

Politicians and media personalities from Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez to Joe Scarborough were angered by CNN’s decision to host Trump on the platform that has consistently offered friendly coverage to Democrats.

Gone.  I pledge to give unfriendly or at best skeptical coverage to everybody.  If that frightens off the Lefties, c’est la vie.  (For some reason, conservatives have no problem with this, as long as they are treated fairly — Tim Scott went on The View  recently, even.)

Sure, I know nothing about running a media company.  So what?  “Industry experience” doesn’t seem to have helped them very much in the recent past, has it?

I’d move all their New York offices to somewhere like Fort Worth, cutting the cord of the New Jersey Turnpike, so to speak, and okay, I’d make the sacrifice myself and relocate to Atlanta.

Oh, and by the way:  I’m cheap.  Best way to increase profits is to cut costs, most especially salaries (see “terminated talking heads”, above) and the best way to signal that is for the CEO to be the first to take a pay cut.  All media people are overpaid anyway.  And to those who would say that I’d be hiring cheap (ergo inferior) replacements, I would point out that the overpaid assholes they’ve currently got on staff have not exactly covered themselves with glory.

I’d be satisfied with a two-year contract at $12 million p.a., no shares or stock options (conflict of interest), with further annual extensions at $12 million each (because I don’t want to work there for too long lest I get cooties).

They could use one of these as my profile pic:

It would frighten all the right people, and please all those on the right.

To quote Roger Ailes:  “Half the market.”

What could CNN lose, any more than they’ve lost already?

Betting Against The Smart Money

Business, Sports

I got a good chuckle about this one.  (For those of you who don’t care about professional golf or golf in general, what follows isn’t about golf, despite the circumstances.)

It’s been announced that the breakaway LIV golf circuit (funded by the Saudis) is going to merge with the established PGA circuit, which means that all the Sturm und Drang sobbing about “rebels”, “traitors”, “mercenaries” and so on is just meaningless piffle (as it was at the time anyway).

Here’s what got me chuckling:

Former President Donald Trump is nothing if not prescient on some of the biggest cultural and business issues of the day.

The latest example of his Nostradamus-like ability to see into the future can be found in his 2022 prediction that the upstart league LIV Golf would merge with its rival the PGA. That pronouncement came to fruition on Tuesday.

“All of those golfers that remain ‘loyal’ to the very disloyal PGA, in all of its different forms, will pay a big price when the inevitable MERGER with LIV comes, and you get nothing but a big ‘thank you’ from PGA officials who are making Millions of Dollars a year,” he shared on his social media app Truth Social in July 2022.

Of course, some people had a problem with this because Trump:

“To be clear, only Trump is talking about possibly merging the organizations,” author Michael D’Antonio wrote in July 2022.

And as for the announcement itself:

In response to the news, CBS Sports reporter Kyle Porter tweeted, “Truly gobsmacked today. Of the 10,000 different outcomes, this was never talked about, never discussed, never even floated. Everyone who would have known was at the PGA two weeks ago, and nobody even came close to hinting at it!”

…except Donald Trump, a year ago.

Getting Your Money’s Worth

Business, Management

Let’s face it:  I don’t want the U.S. to be compared with France on anything (okay, maybe when we start making better food).

From none other than Martha Stewart:

In an interview with the magazine Footwear News, the author, TV personality and entrepreneur slammed hybrid work culture, saying that people cannot “possibly get everything done working three days a week in the office and two days remotely.”

Stewart’s comments come as more managers push for an end to the work-from-home trend that took hold more than three years ago at the start of the pandemic.

Stewart compared the state of in-person work in the United States to France, calling it “not a very thriving country.”

And of course, she’s right — and not just about France.

Here’s a humble suggestion for managers whose employees refuse to stop working from home:  for all those days that they don’t come in to the office, pay them 33% of their rate.  Then, for those who still refuse, use the savings to train their replacements who will want to show up for work.

I’m so sick of people who expect to get paid well, but refuse to do the amount of work that deserves such compensation.

And say what you like about ol’ Martha, but nobody ever accused her of being a slacker.