Category: Two-Minute Hate

Disgusting People

Doing Nothing

Law and Order, Pussification Parade, Two-Minute Hate

I am curious to see My Readers’ response to this bit of bastardy, bureaucracy and pussification:

A homeowner was left disgusted after a stranger parked their Range Rover on his driveway for days.
Zekarias Haile, who lives a five-minute drive from Manchester Airport, said he waited four days for the owner of the grey car to return and pick it up. The 51-year-old man woke to find it abandoned on his driveway on Thursday and he suspects the cheeky owner had jetted off for a holiday from the nearby Jet2.com and Ryanair hub.
The father-of-two, who lives in Wythenshawe, Manchester, said: “Someone, without my permission, had put the car there and they didn’t care. I just went out and it was there. Then it was there Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. On Monday morning when we woke up it was gone. I was very angry but I resisted doing anything to the car – just. I definitely didn’t feel alright about it. We couldn’t access our garden and we couldn’t take out our bins.”
Zekarias, a lecturer in Engineering at a college, called the police but was told it was not a criminal offence and there was nothing they could do. They said Zekarias’ car, parked on the road, wasn’t being blocked in so their hands were tied.

Okay, firstly:  what kind of asshole parks his car in another guy’s driveway and just takes off?

Secondly:   what kind of pussified man does nothing about the situation for four whole days?

Thirdly:  what kind of police force won’t have the car towed?

Finally, what would you have done in a similar situation?

Over-Complexity

Drive Time, Old Fartism, Technology, Two-Minute Hate

The nice thing about getting into a car, back in the day when I first got into a car is that it was like a fork:  everything about it was self-evident, and it was easy to use (hold the end without the pointy bits, stab your food with it and convey said food to your mouth).  It even allowed for different styles of use, e.g. the American (hold the food still while cutting it into baby-sized pieces, then transfer fork to right hand, slide the fork under the food and shovel said food into your mouth).

I pass no judgment about the American way other than it’s fucking stupid and it’s the way a child eats.

Anyway, the same methodology applied to a car of an earlier era:  you open the door with the handle thoughtfully attached to the outside, get in and sit down;  then insert key into ignition and turn the engine on, put the car into gear, release the handbrake and off you go.  (A couple of steps have been omitted for sake of brevity.)  Then when you get to your destination, you pull up the handbrake, turn off the car, open the door with the handle thoughtfully supplied, and get out to go to the pub.

None of the above required a user’s manual or anything other than a thirty-second explanation from an adult.

Compare that simple procedure to this concatenation of silliness:

Jeremy Clarkson was test driving a brand-new Maserati MC20 when he and Lisa decided to drive the motor to their local pub, where they were planning to indulge in a fish pie, but the couple soon realised they couldn’t get out.

Jeremy said: ‘We were in the car and five minutes after that we were in the pub’s car park. And five minutes after that we were still in the pub car park because neither of us could find anything that even remotely resembled a door handle’.

‘Eventually I turned on my phone’s torch and found the little button that you must press to unlatch the door, and then we were out.

‘And then I was back inside very smartly because the car was starting to roll down a hill.’

After finally discovering a button that activated the handbrake, Jeremy thought he had fixed the issue only to hear ‘bonging noises’ when he got out of the vehicle.

‘After an hour of swearing and wondering out loud whether it would have been easier to stay at home and make a soufflé out of ant hearts, I called a colleague, who said that to engage ‘park’ and turn out the lights I had to stop the engine twice.

‘So I pushed the button to turn the motor off, then pushed it again. Which caused it to start. I then called the colleague again, who said that when I pushed the button the second time my foot had to be off the brake pedal. And he was right, which meant that we just caught last orders.’

Let’s hear it for Technology!

As Longtime Readers all know, I have a long and abiding passion for Maserati cars, despite the dreaded which causes fits of laughter among American engineers and drivers.

Now imagine that same applied to a system which (nominally) controls the “hand”-brake and door-“handle” functions, in addition to lights, mirrors, windshield wipers, turn indicators, window- and trunk controls, ignition, transmission and (gawd help us) onboard computer.

Compared to this mobile disaster area, even my old Fiat 124 looks like a dream come true.

Manual everything — gearbox, ignition, doors, windows, seats, rearview mirrors, turn indicators, trunk opener and even, on occasion (!), windshield wipers.

All this modern shit?  You can stick it.

Even for an MC20.

 

Over-Polite

Two-Minute Hate

Via Insty, I see the following headline:

Sorry Joe, It’s Not ‘Putin’s Price Hike’ on Gas — It’s Yours

…and immediately a Red Curtain Of Blood rolls down over my eyes.

I know that PJMedia has from the start been a polite alternative news source (one reason why I wasn’t invited to join them, and probably never will be), but I can’t stand it any longer.  Let me parse the headline, by way of explanation.

1) “Joe” is not the correct appellation to use for this brain-dead, dishonest, incompetent liar who faked his way into high office.  “Joe” is a nice name:  “regular Joe”, “Joe The Plumber”, even “cup of joe”.  No, this bastard’s name is “Biden”, and that’s the politest name I can think of calling him.

2) “Sorry, but” is also misplaced.  That’s the term you use to correct a wayward child:  “Sorry Martha, but you can’t go out to play until you’ve finished field-dressing that hippie”, for example.  Biden is not a wayward child, however;  he’s a malevolent anti-American Communist (and did I mention “brain-dead”?).

So the correct headline, in the above instance, should have read:

Biden, You Lying Asshole:  the gas price hike is a direct result of your wrongheaded energy policy, and has nothing to do with Russia

…and even that’s too polite.  (Feel free to imagine how I would really like to say it.)

Stolen Vote!!!

Elections, Politics, Two-Minute Hate

I arrived at the polling station in a good mood, having established beforehand that yes, I was a registered voter and registered to vote in 3rd District TX withal.  Also, I found the address of the nearest polling station and off I went, all ready to cast my primary vote against that little crapweasel Rep. Van Taylor and for the righteous judge, Keith Self.

My good mood evaporated when I got my ballot paper.  There, at the top of the list were three names I’d never heard of before.  So I went back to the polling folks and said, “I think there’s something wrong — these aren’t the 3rd District Republican House candidates.”

“Oh,” came the reply, “you’ve been redistricted into the 4th District.”
“No I haven’t.  I checked on the official TXVote.org website just a couple hours ago, and according to them, I’m registered in the 3rd.”
“Ah,” came the airy reply, “I don’t think the website was updated in time.”

I didn’t do what I wanted to do because I’d left my guns in the car and anyway, I think it may be illegal to destroy those poxy voting machines with gunfire.

So I didn’t vote for any of the strangers, because I don’t know them.  I did, however, vote for the Usual Suspects — Jim Abbot, Ken Paxton and the other top Republican worms, and pretty much nobody else except the names I already knew from previous elections.  (I nearly voted for ex-LTC Allen West instead of Abbott in protest, but he can run again, and then I will.)

I was going to write to the Governor demanding heads on pikes, or worse, for the incompetent assholes who are supposed to do this stuff — aren’t computer systems wonderful? — but I had to allow my wrath to cool, because apparently it’s against the law to say some of the things I was going to say.

Anyway, all has ended well, because the little crapweasel has canceled his reelection campaign, no doubt because he was only going to lose the runoff to Judge Self as more and more voters realized what a little crapweasel he really is.  Strange that in an ultra-conservative district, voters aren’t going to take too kindly to his support of anti-Trumpers and shagging some houri  extramaritally.

Which means that a former LTC and -judge and staunch conservative is going to Washington on our behalf.  I mean their  behalf, because I’ve been shunted out of his district.  I have no idea what the 4th District is all about, and now I know how the Wandering Jew felt.

By the way, in learning about the candidates, I discovered that two of the Democrat nominees are an ex-Californian and ex-Bostonian respectively.  Fuck me, that didn’t take long.

And thankee muchly to the Loyal Readers who emailed me about Crapweasel’s withdrawal.

 

Yeah, Duh

Business, Old Age, Two-Minute Hate

Via Insty comes this belated news:

IBM faces age bias complaints in arbitration and court proceedings by former employees across the country. A former IBM vice president of human resources said in a court deposition in one of the cases that the company faced talent recruitment problems and determined one way to show millennials that IBM was not “an old fuddy duddy organization” was to make itself appear “as [a] cool, trendy organization.”

In one email chain, an International Business Machines Corp. official described a plan to “accelerate change by inviting the ‘dinobabies’ (new species) to leave” and turn them into an “Extinct species,” according to the filing. Company officials also complained about IBM’s “dated maternal workforce” that “must change,” and discussed frustration that IBM had a much lower share of millennials in its workforce than a competitor, but said its share would increase following layoffs, according to the filing.

Of course, IBM denies all this, oh no we’d never do a thing like that:

An IBM spokesperson said in a statement that the company never engaged in systematic age discrimination and it terminated employees because of changing business conditions, not because of their age. In 2020, the median age of IBM’s U.S. workforce was 48, the same as it was in 2010, according to the statement.

The spokesperson also said the language cited in the emails “is not consistent with the respect IBM has for its employees and as the facts clearly show, it does not reflect company practices or policies.”

Lying cocksuckers.

It’s an open secret that old farts get shafted in today’s workplace:  “Become a Wal-Mart greeter” used to be the dismissive term leveled at us.  Only now (at the Wal-Marts around my house anyway), the cheery old duffers who waved you in and checked your Sam’s Club purchases on the way out have all — all — been replaced by younger Indians and “efnicks”.

Fuck all of you corporate assholes, and enjoy the taste on your tongues as you lick the rank feet of Millennial wokedom.

I hope you all die  painfully.

And One More Thing

Architecture, Two-Minute Hate

After the British Virgin Islands were smacked by not one but two Cat 5 hurricanes in quick succession, most of the islands suffered massive property damage.

Since then, a lot of the wreckage has been rebuilt, and not to World Emperor Kim’s liking, either.  Try this little piece of heaven:

The caption for the pic was “Paradise restored”.

Paradise was not restored;  it was beaten to death with a lead pipe, driven over a few times by a Chieftain tank, and the remains wrapped in concrete and barbed wire.

Would it be wrong for me to wish for a Category 10 hurricane to come calling over there some time soon?