Category: Men & Women

Things that men and women do, sometimes to each other

Useless Recommendation

Entertainment, Men & Women

Of course, pretty much anything that the loony Gwyneth Paltrow suggests is going to be utter bullshit, but this one… oy.

Finding the perfect gift for the tricky men in your life can prove near-impossible at times – but luckily Gwyneth Paltrow is here to help in the form of her rather unique Father’s Day gift guide, which not only suggests a $64,000 trip to the Arctic Circle as a potential present, but also a male sex toy — a $219 hands-free prostate stimulator from the brand Hugo.  (“The base and tip of the device each contain a powerful vibrating motor: the insertable head massages the prostate while the external head delivers satisfying vibrations to the perineum.”)

Frankly, while even the description makes me a little queasy, the only acceptable sex toy that I’d accept to massage my prostate and taint would be Salma Hayek, and even then I’d have to run that by New Wife first.

At least her nails are short and manicured… and you can all stop right there.

Next Banned Word: Macho

Men & Women, Mocking Furriners

At least, this is the inference I get from the latest bit of governmental foolishness, Euro Division:

Spain has announced plans for an app that will tell wives if their men are doing enough housework. The new app intends to address the gender imbalance of housework and will log the hours a family member spends doing chores.

And which department is coming up with this lovely example of Big Sister snooping?

Ángela Rodríguez, Spain’s minister for gender equality and domestic violence, said her department was in the process of developing the free app.

One might argue that the rationale for even having a “minister for gender equality and domestic violence” is dubious (and one would be right — “gender equality” is a bullshit concept, and “domestic violence” is a police matter already).

The minister was speaking at a conference in Geneva discussing discrimination against women. The minister presented a report at the convention on Spain’s women’s rights. 

Rodriguez said nearly half of the women who took part in a survey by Spain’s National Statistics Institute said they did the majority of the housework in their home. 

Oh boo fucking hoo.

Wonder what the fat bitch would think of this little joke?

I can hear the Sisterhood’s wailings from here.

Anyway, Spain is pretty fucked up about all this:

A Spanish court has ordered a businessman to pay his ex-wife £180,000 for 25 years of unpaid domestic labour, based on the minimum wage throughout their marriage.

And oh yeah, the ruling was made by a female judge — like you didn’t suspect that already.

If the hapless Spanish businessman refused to pay the money and went to jail for his disobedience:  now that would be truly macho, Señor.

Never gonna happen, though.  Looks like Spanish men have been pussified like pretty much most Western men (to coin a phrase).

A Whole New Word

Grooming, Men & Women

I see this development with something approaching satisfaction:

Women are wearing ‘safety layers’ over their outfits to deter ‘creepy’ men – with many labeling it ‘sad but necessary’.

Let me get all the stipulations out of the way, first.

Yes, I agree that womyns should be able to wear what they want.  Yes, I agree that womyns should be “body proud” to bolster their self-esteem.  Yes, I agree that (in this respect anyway) Men Are Pigs and shouldn’t respond to scantily-clad womyns with catcalls, wolf whistles and overt sexual behavior (groping, etc.), not to mention trying to sneak some “upskirt pics” (which is really unacceptable).

However:

If womyns are going to dress like prostitutes, please understand that while men like myself can simply appreciate the female form as an object of beauty, Not All Men Are Like That and some may regard displays of flesh and the female form as sex objects.  Yes, their behavior is to be deplored.

But, in the words of some wise man, and according to sound marketing principle:

If the goods aren’t for sale, don’t put them in the window.

I hate to sound old-fashioned, but there’s this word… wait, it’ll come to me… give me a moment, what was it again?  Oh yeah:

Now I know that the word has been abused, most notably by the radical religionists (Puritans, Muslims an other assholes of that ilk), and if applied to its extreme, you get shunning, niqabs, mercy killings and so on.  All bad things.

But can we at least agree that somewhere between this:

and this:

…there lies an expansive area wherein womyns can dress in a non-provocative fashion that is still… sexy, without being overly provocative?

I often use Brit-TV hottie and uber-MILF Charlotte Hawkins as an example of stylishness and sexiness, because she is most often seen in public dressed, ummm stylishly and sexily.  This does not means she can’t go deep, so to speak:

…but only when the occasion calls for it, i.e. when display is called for, in a secure environment so to speak.

I know, all this is Not Fair To Women etc., but can we at least try to live in the real world, and not in some ur-feminist fantasy?

Modesty works, ladies, and you need to dial Teh Sexeh back a tad when you’re out in the public eye.

Gettin’ Busy

Men & Women, Seen On Campus

Seems as though our kids are being taken in hand:

“Over the last two days, at least six female teachers across the nation have been arrested for engaging in inappropriate sexual misconduct with students…”

Just to add a little perspective, here:  six teachers out of tens of thousands is barely a rounding error, and the “past two days” is just a random cluster — it’s not every two days, after all.

Then again, to complete the excerpt:

“…including one Kentucky educator who allegedly took part in encounters with a pair of 16-year-old boys.”

Now that’s what I call a well-rounded education.

And yeah, I’m not taking it seriously because the “victims” are teenage boys, and teenage boys are hardly the precious little pets the media makes them out to be.  I mean, I was a teenage boy, back in the Jurassic Age, and if the delectable red-headed Miss Cooke had ever offered herself to me…

 
…in a heartbeat, Bubba.

Rather Die

Advice, Men & Women

There’s just no end to the madness:

Same sex couples score better than straight people in most sex studies, consistently across the board. Research shows they have better orgasms, more partner orgasms and more satisfying sex all round.

Really?  And just how do we quantify “better” orgasms, Sex Lady?  Describing an orgasm, any orgasm, to someone else is like trying to describe a sunset to a blind man in the first place.  Then, to define “better” in terms of “degrees of indescribable”?

Ah don’ thank so, Scooter.

Never mind that I’m never going to ask someone else for tips on having better sex — FFS, have we no decency nowadays? — and also because I’m not 15 anymore.

And frankly, if I wanted to know how lesbians pleasure other women, I’d hit the “Lesbo Porn” tag at letsfuck.com.

I don’t want to be part of this world anymore.

Fuck it, I’m off to the range.

Three HUNDRED?

Men & Women

Sheesh, if this story is true…

Oklahoma high school cheer coach Jennifer Hawkins, 45, was arrested for allegedly having sex with her daughter’s 16-year-old ex-boyfriend more than 300 times.

…okay, that was over five times a month, every month, for five years.  I know some married couples who haven’t reached a number anything like that in the same time-frame.

Ah, to be young and vigorous again.  It’s like a modern-day Summer Of 42, really — except that this lasted somewhat longer than Hermie’s one-nighter.

And don’t hit me with that “if the genders were reversed” nonsense.  It’s only when she started getting greedy that the kid got nervous.

I’m just chuckling over the kid boffing both the daughter and the mommy.  As a wise dude once said:

But I have to say, the Oklahoma Jennifer Hawkins doesn’t look like that Jennifer Hawkins.

In the latter case, the total could have gone from three hundred to three thousand, easily.