Changes Up & Down

A couple of years ago, the Daily Mail featured this creature in their coverage of the races at Aintree (Liverpool):

I know;  no man should, right?  Well, apparently the young lady saw the pic of herself, came to the same conclusion and did something bout it.  The following year at Aintree produced this pic:

Yikes.  Were it not for the tattoos on the feet [sigh],  you wouldn’t know it was the same girl.  Again:

Alas, thanks to the current trend towards radical feminism (“Your body is beautiful no matter what it looks like!”), coupled with the usual suspects (booze, bad diet, etc.), American girls seem to be headed in the opposite direction.

Try not to throw up.

Sad, especially when you learn that all the changes took place inside the space of a couple of years.

But hey… it’s a free country, so to speak, and these women should be able to abuse themselves as they please — just as men can exercise their choice and not date them unless there’s drunkenness and/or sheer desperation involved.

“Ladies” Day

And the parade of Train Smash Women continues at Aintree, on the inaptly-named Ladies Day:



…and just to prove my point, here’s my favorite Train Smash Woman of all, the wonderful Lisa Appleton:

Speaking of umbrellas, here’s one who matched her brolly not with her outfit, but with her tattoo:

Amazingly (and unusually for Aintree), not all the women were hideous:



…albeit sometimes quite alarming:

…but “pretty” ain’t the way to bet at the Grand National:

And there was so much more to come when the booze started to flow…

I know, I’m so weak. I just can’t help myself. Moth, meet candleaaaaaargh….

I love them all, these Train Smash Women.

And They’re Off !

So after the Class of Cheltenham comes the Ass of Aintree (a.k.a. the Great Train Smash Women Pageant):

Okay, okay… there were a couple of sorta-decent specimens there too, although one has to look hard to find them:



  (girl needs a suntan, badly)

Best line of the day: “According to racecourse bosses, there’s no strict dress code for the festival as there is for Royal Ascot”, and accordingly the Train Smash Women are just overwhelming (in every sense of the word):



…and it’s only Day ONE !!!!

Another Train Smash Woman

There is a plausible theory that any woman who appears in a “reality” TV show is a candidate for the label of “Train Smash Woman” (definition here). But even among reality TV shows, the execrable TOWIE (The Only Way Is Essex) on Brit TV is one long litany of Train Smashdom.

Allow me, then, to present a splendid example of the TOWIE Train Smash:  Lauren Goodger. Here’s what she looked like when she first appeared on the show:

Yup… there are distinct elements of a Train Smash there. But she couldn’t stay like that, of course; no Train Smash Woman qualifies for the label unless there is a massive change in tonnage / body shape, and questionable life decisions. And here we go, first with the body:

The last pic, by the way, was after liposuction, which she had done after seeing the bikini pic.

But here’s the best one of her:

Now there’s the question of the curlers in her hair while out in public, of course. But that’s not especially Train Smashy. This is: the picture was taken when she was on her way to visit her boyfriend… in prison.

Yes, folks: that right there is the sine qua non of questionable life decisions for any woman. Which is why Ms. Goodger is currently atop my list of Train Smash Women.


Train Smash Women Convention

Foreword: I’ve reposted this piece with fresh updates (see below), because Aintree is still a Train Smash in progress. I am LOVING this…

I have spoken before of my fatal attraction towards Train Smash Women (an explanation of which can be found here) but honestly, one can have too much of a Good Thing.

In April, you see, ’tis time for the Grand National race at Aintree outside Liverpool (the latter being, without question, Train Smash Capital of the world), which means it’s time for you, O my Gentle Readers, to nominate the most likely, and worst possible Train Smash Woman out of the ones who appear in this year’s report of Day 1 at Aintree. It’s quite simple: just go down the page, and select the picture which represents to you a Train Smash Extraordinaire (count down from the top, and from left to right if there is more than one pic across the column. Here’s pic #1, for instance, followed by pics #2 and #3:

In comments, therefore, all you have to say is “I nominate #12” or “The girl in the red dress in #3”, (for instance), and I’ll be the final vote-counter and judge. (I have to say, #32 certainly caught my attention, but there is a plethora of good choices.

Have fun.

Update #1: The fun continues… and I apologize to all my Readers if I’ve caused them to puke up their breakfast. As Mr. Free Market has said in the past, “There’s good reason never to head north of the M4.”

Update #2: It’s Ladies Day! I use the appellation in its loosest [sic] possible form, of course. One can only imagine what today (Saturday) will bring…

But even before seeing the Saturday story, my favorite for Train Smash Woman Of Aintree goes to this priceless creature:

There it is: the dreadful dye job, the horrendous eye make-up, the tits falling out, the too-short skirt revealing flabby thighs: it’s the whole enchilada… and we didn’t even get to see her shoes. I’ll bet 2-1 (seeing as we’re at a horse race) that her entire life consists only of regrettable decisions.


Still to come: Epsom and Ascot.

Note: I won’t be repeating this report for Melbourne’s Gold Cup celebrations because Australians.