How’s this for a headline?
My question: what makes a man decide to change from a good-paying job like funeral director into a low-paying librarian’s job?
Back in The Englishman’s Castle, his missus is occasionally of the TV-watching persuasion, chief among which is a show about people dancing (called “Strictly Come Dancing”, or among the TV dance-show aficionados, just “Strictly”). I of course can’t watch much popular TV because I have concerns about brain rot, so ordinarily the “personalities” involved with such shows would be as unknown to me as a random Laplander.
However, while trying to overcome jet lag upon my arrival back in Britishland a few weeks back, I found myself watching some BBC morning TV show, hosted by some woman named Holly Willoughby. A short, pretty blonde creature of some thirty-something summers, she has a very distinctive set to her mouth when she smiles, thus:
Anyway, last week I happened to be walking past Mrs. Englishman as she sat watching Strictly, when I suddenly saw this Holly Willoughby judging the contestants. I was about to make a comment about why the BBC or whoever used the same talent for two shows, when I realized that it wasn’t Holly, but some other creature (later named for me by Mrs. Englishman as “Tess Daly”), but I think you can see why I was confused:
Certainly, at a quick glance they seem like twins, and with my fuddled brain I’m sure you’ll understand my situation: marginal interest (at best) + unfamiliar TV shows + similar blondes = Kim’s Confusion.
Anyway, that’s all cleared up now (not that I care, and I’ll probably still get them confused forever), but there’s a sad story attached to Holly.
You see, Miss Willoughby’s nickname was once “Willough-boobies” because, well:
…and in her yoot before she became all Mumsy, she was something of a model:
Of late, however, Holly has tragically fallen prey to Nigella Lawson Syndrome, i.e. she’s lost a whole lot of weight (especially in the superstructure), and is therefore of less interest to Yer Humble Narrator:
Still pretty, but not sexy. I wish these women would stop doing this nonsense.
Anyway, I’m happy to say that the other subject of this post, Tess Daly, does not have that problem — at least, not as far as I can tell:
…and apparently Tess too was once a model:
So regarding these two lookalike TV personalities, I hope this has cleared the air somewhat.
Lots of us don’t care much for our neighbors. But this old fart has set a new record:
Axe-wielding pensioner, 67, threatened to chop his neighbours’ heads off and burn down their house because they’re SCOTTISH
Apparently this is a Bad Thing in Britishland, despite the fact that many Stout Bulldogs share his sentiments. What disturbs me are the charges the man faces:
Rattigan was found guilty after a trial of using abusive words or behaviour with intent to cause fear of violence and racially aggravated harassment
Now I’ve heard some bullshit laws in my time — and since when was abusing Porridge Monkeys a “racial” issue, anyway?
Still, considering that said old fart is a Pikey, we can probably file this whole matter under “Nobody Gives A Shit, Either Way”… because apparently, calling the so-called “travelers” (a.k.a. gypsies) by the name “Pikeys” is also a racial issue.
I report, you decide.