Alternative Ending


…and the devastating comment underneath:

“Too bad it wasn’t torpedoed and sunk at sea with all hands instead.”

*Seen On The Internet or  Somewhere On The Internet, mostly used by people (like me) who either forgot where they saw it or couldn’t be arsed to look it up.

Me Too

From the Knuckledragger:

Wow.  Only one load of .45 ACP from the Chip McCormick PowerMag in my 1911.  (Can’t see it taking more than one round each;  hell, the muzzle flash alone  would probably drop half of them.)  And assuming that I’d qualify as a “Nazi” to them, of course.

They’re going to have to do a lot  better than that…

Criminal Beliefs

Oh, here’s a good one:

A couple who fed their daughter an extreme vegan diet have admitted causing her serious injury.
The mother and father, aged 32 and 34 respectively, who cannot be named for legal reasons fed the girl oats and rice milk.
The girl’s diet was so restricted that she developed rickets, a degenerative bone disease caused by malnourishment.
This diet resulted in severe deficiencies in nutrients across the board for the infant, including a lack of calcium, phosphate, vitamin B12, vitamin A, iron and zinc.
Her levels of vitamin D — which can cause bone disease if found to be too low — were ‘undetectable’.
The infant had fractures scattered throughout her tiny body and her bones were so brittle doctors believed they could have been broken by ‘normal handling’.
The treatment of the girl was only brought to the attention of doctors in March this year, when doctors attended to the infant after she suffered a seizure.
One doctor described her as ‘floppy’ and noted how the diminutive one-and-a-half year old didn’t crawl or talk during the month in care.

And here’s the best part:

The daughter and her two siblings have since been taken into foster care.

Under the reign of World-Emperor Kim, the parents would also receive daily floggings and an all-meat diet during their ten-year prison sentence.  And if these two fanatics were to starve themselves to death rather than eat that eeeevil meat, so much the better.

Fucking bullshit.

Censors And Their Censoring Ways

Aaaaaargh FFS I’m just about to explode with rage over here.  Why?  Because the Language Police are out in force, trying to circumscribe my speech yet again, but this time from another direction.

It’s bad enough that I can’t say the words “snigger” or “blackball” without some fucking snowflake or race hustler getting triggered and calling me Worse Than Hitler — we’re all familiar with that form of PC regulation.

Guess who’s next?

Here’s the list of ‘helpful’ suggestions from PETA for teachers to use with their pupils instead of the current ‘harmful’ phrases. It recommends:

  • ‘Let the cat out of the bag’ is changed to ‘Spill the beans’
  • ‘Be a guinea pig’ to ‘Be the test tube’
  • ‘Hold your horses’ to ‘Hold the phone’
  • ‘Open a can of worms’ to ‘Open Pandora’s box’
  • ‘Bring home the bacon’ to ‘Bring home the bagels’
  • ‘Put all your eggs in one basket’ to ‘Put all your berries in one bowl’
  • ‘Kill two birds with one stone’ to ‘Feed two birds with one scone’
  • ‘Take the bull by the horns’ to ‘Take the flower by the thorns’
  • ‘Flog a dead horse’ to ‘Feed a fed horse’
  • ‘More than one way to skin a cat’ to More than one way to peel a potato’

Now the fucking vegans have to get involved in language?  Great Caesar’s bleeding hemorrhoids, isn’t there any  part of my life which can escape the censure of these bastard busybodies?

[deep breath]

I think the best thing I can do (apart from some activity involving an AK-47 and a few Molotov cocktails) is to offer up some suggestions which escaped the above list, but that we may use just to antagonize these pricks a little further:

  • Bleeding the lizard (male urination)
  • Choking the chicken (male masturbation)
  • Spearing the bearded clam (shagging)
  • Harpooning a whale (fucking a fat chick — a twofer, because body-shaming)
  • Bonking a buffalo (ditto)
  • Poking a panther (fucking a Black chick)
  • Tonguing the trout (cunnilingus)
  • Eating an eel (fellatio)
  • Playing with the puppies (fondling a woman’s breasts)
  • …and all the expressions involving the word “pussy”, e.g. pussyfooting.

If anyone has any other suggestions, go at it in Comments.  I’m too angry to think.

No I’m not:  I think I’ll go and roast me a leg of lamb for dinner.

Here’s the source:

In fact, this may be our best revenge on these gastronomic Puritans:  every time you read something about vegans that pisses you off, make yourself a meat dish for dinner.  Or go completely overboard at lunchtime:

*I should point out that “Open Pandora’s box”  is probably offensive to some feministicals because of its quasi-sexual connotation, but I’ll let them fight it out with the vegans, preferably with nuclear weapons so we can have a little mutually-assured destruction.

Okay, that thought put a smile back on my face.

Change, Or Else

If vegans were just content with living their own lives, following their peculiar little diet and getting on with it, I probably wouldn’t be ranting about them.

But no.

Vegans plan new wave of protests against meat industry as they target takeaways, butchers and abattoirs in bid do persuade consumers to turn their back on animal products.
“Veganism has been around a long time,” Phoebe Frampton, who founded the Earthlings movement in 2013, told The Sunday Times. “It used to be a dietary and health issue but modern vegans see it as being about animal rights and animal liberation.”
The Earthlings protests are peaceful, with masked campaigners standing in circles holding laptops screening “horrific” films of abattoirs to spark public interest.
However, critics see their beliefs as extreme with modern veganism goes far beyond giving up meat, fish and dairy. It also means giving up honey, silk, leather shoes and even beeswax furniture polish.
Direct Action Everywhere (DxE), founded in the US in 2013, now has five “chapters” in Britain. One of them invaded a branch of Tesco in Brighton last month, with 30 protesters staging a “silent protest” in the meat aisle.
Some farmers dispute the claims of non-violence. John Wood, a Dorset farmer, set up the Facebook Meat & Greet site to promote lamb and beef, but says he was targeted by “frightening” militants.
“We have had animal liberationists turning up at our home and shouting abuse. Most of these people may be bunny-huggers, but some are dangerous,” he said.

So shoot a few, if you feel your life is being threatened.  Oh wait… I forgot that this is in Britain, where you’ll get a prison sentence if you so much as look angrily at someone threatening your life.  And good grief:  if some oaf is shouting abuse at you, use an air horn on them at close range.

As for the Murkin DxE:  try staging a silent protest in my local butchery while I’m buying my weekly supply of steak, boerewors and lamb, and your protest won’t stay “silent” for long*.  That’s a promise.

I am so sick of smug assholes trying to tell me how to live my own life.

*Note to self:  remember to take the sjambok with you to the butchery in future.

And yes: it’s made from the skin of a dead hippo.  Why do you ask?

And You Thought We Were Exaggerating

Here’s a Vegan-Goes Crazy story from… Italy?

A 48-year-old Italian vegan has been ordered to pay her mother compensation after threatening to kill her for making traditional Bolognese meat sauce.
The smell of one of Italy’s most cherished dishes — ragù — was enough to set off a domestic disturbance that ended with the mother being threatened with a kitchen knife, a court heard.
Newly unemployed, the daughter had recently moved back in with her mother, who cooked in the typical tradition of rezdore, as housewives are called in the local Emilia Romagna dialect.
One of the signature dishes of every rezdore is Bolognese meat sauce, slow simmered for hours using a variety of meats including diced prosciutto cured ham, ground beef and sometimes chicken livers, then served over pasta or polenta.
Lawyers for the mother, who asked not to be named, said the family dynamic had degenerated due to irreconcilable conflicts over the mother and daughter’s different food cultures — the former heavy in butter, cream and meat, the latter exempt of all animal products.
The daughter told a court she’d long had “no sensory nor olfactory contact” with animal products before moving back in with her mother, for whom the rich, red meat sauce was standard fare.
Lawyers said there had been an escalation of aggressive episodes – always over food — before the threat that triggered the complaint.
Exasperated by the smell of meat sauce simmering for hours in the small apartment they shared, the daughter grabbed a knife and threatened to take matters into her own hands.
“If you won’t stop on your own then I’ll make you stop. Quit making ragù, or I’ll stab you in the stomach,” she said, according to the mum’s civil complaint.
Justice of Peace Nadia Trifilò sentenced the woman to pay a €400 court fine and ordered €500 be paid in compensation to her 69-year-old mother.
The case, argued in the Modena tribunal and reported by the local Gazzetta di Modena newspaper, stems from an argument that escalated out of control in March, 2016.
After failing to reach a peaceful mediation of the dispute over the last two years, the judge closed the case ruling in favour of the mother, ordering fines.

And this happened originally in 2016?  It’s just like Bill Sitwell and I said:  they’re getting out of control.

By the way, am I the only one who started to salivate at the description of that Bolognese sauce?