5 Worst Lies

All in ascending order of frightfulness, as usual.

Told by men:

  • “You won’t get pregnant; my family’s been sterile for generations.”
  • “I’ll just put the tip in.”
  • “…and forsaking all others…”
  • “I’ll call you¬† next time I’m in town.”
  • “She means nothing to me!”

Told by women:

  • “Size isn’t important.”
  • “I won’t try to change you after we get married.”
  • “I don’t fake my orgasms.”
  • “Bad boys don’t turn me on.”
  • “I’d love you even if you weren’t rich.”

 

Your suggestions in Comments. Bonus points if you’ve actually uttered them, or had them told to you.

5 Worst Times For Your Water To Break

Ranked in ascending order of foulness:

  • Halfway up the Matterhorn
  • The day before you start a new job (i.e. they don’t have to give you maternity leave)
  • During your wedding ceremony
  • While receiving oral sex (and before having your orgasm)
  • A week after the United States has instituted a “single payer” (i.e. NHS) healthcare system.

Your suggestions in Comments. I can’t wait to hear from my Lady Readers.

5 Worst Things To Say Or Hear At The Altar On Your Wedding Day

Ranked in order of awfulness:

  • “I thought you had the ring.”
  • “I take thee¬†ummm… what’s your name again?”
  • “What do you mean, you filed for bankruptcy yesterday?”
  • “My mother’s joining us on the honeymoon.”
  • “Honey? I think you forgot your Maxi-Pad…”

and a bonus (from Doc Russia):

  • “I now pronounce you husband and wife.”

You suggestions in Comments…