5 Worst Places To Spend The Night

In ascending order of horrible:

  • with “Uncle” Gavin
  • in a C-47 Dakota en route to an active duty deployment
  • any motel room on U.S. 30 in Illinois (don’t ask me how I know this)
  • in a hotel toilet stall after getting mindless drunk (see above)
  • in a prison cell, with D’Marcus Washington as a cellmate

…and a bonus for my Brit Readers:

  • Alan Carr’s bedroom.

Your suggestions in Comments… (and “in my ex-wife’s bed” doesn’t count).

5 Worst Times To Be Without A Gun

Ranked in ascending order of helplessness/need:

  • While in lion / grizzly / snake-infested countryside
  • During a school shooting
  • While driving through any urban paradise featuring public housing
  • Driving along any highway, road or street in Johannesburg
  • When you’re the only person in the room not holding one

Your suggestions in Comments.


P.S.  I see I forgot to post a 5 Worst list last Friday.  Sorry.

5 Worst Rich People Problems

Ranked in ascending order of frightfulness:

  • All your polo ponies get colic on the day before the club championship
  • Your Bentley mechanic is away on vacation right when the Mulsanne needs a service
  • Left the gold Breitling on the yacht;  are forced to wear the oh-so-common steel Rolex to the White House dinner instead
  • Your company’s stock drops 2%, causing your net worth to plunge to a paltry $5 billion

And the absolute worst problem any rich man could have:

Further woeful suggestions in Comments.

5 Worst Things You Can Say To A Defeated Opponent

Ranked in ascending order of bad sportsmanship:

  • “Neener!  Neener!”
  • “I guess paying off the referee didn’t help you that much, did it?”
  • “Hey, never mind… after all, your side had the prettier uniforms!”
  • “Imagine what would have happened if I’d played you right-handed!”
  • “Yeah, yours was the moral victory. And that moral is:  in future, don’t play against someone so much better than you! 

Your suggestions in Comments;  the meaner the better.

 

5 Worst Things To Hear From Your Boss

From the depths of Corporatocracy, in ascending order of frightfulness:

  • “There’s not enough in the budget for the bonus we promised you”
  • “You’ll have to spend six months at the new client’s office in Des Moines while we get the business settled”
  • “HR wants to talk to you”
  • “Our new CEO has a Harvard MBA”

…and the absolute worst thing your boss could ever say to you:

  • “Meet LaShonda, our new VP of Diversity Awareness”

Your additions in Comments. Graphic language and seditious thoughts are not only allowed, they’re encouraged.