5 Worst Things To Hear As You’re Going Under Anesthetic

Ranked in order of horribleness:

  • “I think he’s unconscious… oh what the hell, go ahead and cut.”
  • “Wow… I need to tell my wife to book that Caribbean cruise;  this is gonna take a LOT longer than I thought.”
  • “What’s the world record for stretching an anus?”
  • “Oh boy, a naked unconscious woman on a table… it reminds me so much of high school.”
  • “Wait a minute;  I know we scheduled a tonsillectomy, but it says ‘Gender Reassignment’ on her chart here.”

Your suggestions in Comments.

5 Worst Iconic Artists

Inexplicably popular, revered by critics, nobody seems to have realized that these iconic emperors had not a single stitch of clothing between them.  Some have drawn my ire on these here pages before, but there are others.  So, ranked in order of artistic nudity:

  • Marlon Brando (Method mumbling)
  • Elizabeth Taylor (squeaky voice and horrible acting not fully redeemed by large breasts)
  • Johnny Cash (bass monotone;  probably the smallest vocal range of any singer ever)
  • Jackson Pollock (gaudy splashes masquerading as Art)
  • Frank Sinatra (couldn’t hit a note with a baseball bat;  should have quit singing in about 1958)

Your suggestions in Comments.

 

5 Worst TV Shows (By Today’s PC Standards)

None of these TV shows could be made today because #NetworkCowardice.   Ranked from “Least” Offensive to “OMG I Need Counseling!”:

  • The Bob Newhart Show (makes fun of mental illness / psychoses, plus airline pilot Howard is a serial seducer / rapist)
  • Dukes Of Hazzard (OMG Confederate Flag Warning!)
  • Tom ‘n Jerry cartoons  (all that violence, sexism and animal cruelty)
  • Benny Hill (sexism, male chauvinism / piggery, etc.)
  • Monty Python’s Flying Circus (sample):
    “I don’t like darkies!”
    “Hahahaha… she doesn’t like darkies… who does?

…and a special Dishonorable Mention for female stereotyping:

  • How To Marry A Millionaire

Your suggestions in Comments.

5 Worst Commemorative Days

In ascending order of terrible, they are:

  • International Hemorrhoid Day
  • International Vegan Day (or is that just the same as the above?)
  • Premature Ejaculation Day (I know, I know:  all ejaculations are premature)
  • Molest A Pre-Teen Girl Day (for Roman Polanski, that’s every day, of course)

and the absolute worst:

  • Senator Chuck Schumer Appreciation Day

Your suggestions in Comments, as usual.