Category: The Worst

We’ve all done it, but here are the worst, in ascending order of ridiculousness:

• I have to leave now, it’s Happy Hour at the Rose & Crown
• I have to pick my grandmother up at the airport (bonus if the speaker is over the age of 50)
• I have to get to the liquor store before it closes
• I broke my fingernail and I have an emergency appointment at the nail salon (female; if male, I don’t want to talk to you)
• I have to take my Mom to the maternity ward

Bonus points for guessing which one was mine.

Your suggestions in Comments.

Ranked in ascending order of awful:

• The Antifa Guide To Lovemaking
• Pulling The Train Without Pain, 3rd edition (Kamala Harris)
• Rockstar Sex (Nancy Pelosi)
• Six Great Foreplay Tricks (Hillary Clinton) (illustrated)
• Helping Uncle José To His Happy Ending (4th Grade Textbook, Los Angeles County School District)

Your suggestions in Comments.

Ranked in ascending order of foulness, first for men:

• Adolf
• Stinky
• Perv-O
• Butt-Breath
• The Syphilis Kid

And for women:

• Town Bicycle
• Slutcake
• Choker
• Butter-Legs
• Hillary

Your suggestions in Comments.

Ranked in order of severity:

• paper cut
• tearing a toenail off instead of cutting it off
• attempting any fool stunt which requires that someone else first hold your beer
• seppuku (with vertical and horizontal cuts)
• watching any movie starring Alan Alda

Your suggestions in Comments.

Ranked in ascending order of helplessness/need:

• While in lion / grizzly / snake-infested countryside
• During a school shooting
• While driving through any urban paradise featuring public housing
• Driving along any highway, road or street in Johannesburg
• When you’re the only person in the room not holding one

Your suggestions in Comments.

P.S.  I see I forgot to post a 5 Worst list last Friday.  Sorry.