Humble Gratitude

I just wanted to thank all those who have contributed to my “Keep Kim From Poverty” fund:  the results from Week 1 have been wonderful, not to mention in some cases astonishing (and you know who you are).

I know this is a PITA, and believe me, I hate asking for help.  But this blog is no longer the site it once was — back in those days, I actually had more discrete readers per day than the Daily Mail — and it pains me that the once-proud “BANG” [Buy (Kim) a New Gun] fund has been reduced to a HKKHLO [Help Kim Keep His Lights On] fund.

But there it is, and here we are.  Please consider supporting this tired old back porch, if you haven’t already.

  …and:

Useless Recommendation

Of course, pretty much anything that the loony Gwyneth Paltrow suggests is going to be utter bullshit, but this one… oy.

Finding the perfect gift for the tricky men in your life can prove near-impossible at times – but luckily Gwyneth Paltrow is here to help in the form of her rather unique Father’s Day gift guide, which not only suggests a $64,000 trip to the Arctic Circle as a potential present, but also a male sex toy — a $219 hands-free prostate stimulator from the brand Hugo.  (“The base and tip of the device each contain a powerful vibrating motor: the insertable head massages the prostate while the external head delivers satisfying vibrations to the perineum.”)

Frankly, while even the description makes me a little queasy, the only acceptable sex toy that I’d accept to massage my prostate and taint would be Salma Hayek, and even then I’d have to run that by New Wife first.

At least her nails are short and manicured… and you can all stop right there.

Out Of Nowhere

So the Grammy Awards show just happened — no, I didn’t watch it either — and to the amazement of the modern music industry, the likes of Beyonce, Taylor Swift, Harry Styles, Adele and Lizzo (all women, or very close to being one) all lost out in the Best Song category to a complete nobody, a complete unknown (to them) named Bonnie Raitt.

“Who?” they asked.  “What’s she ever done?  I’ve never even seen her on InstaGram or Tik-Tok!”

As this article points out, and as anyone over 50 would know, this “unknown” Bonnie Raitt (73) has already won fourteen (14) Grammys before, and was been inducted into the Rock ‘n Roll Hall of Fame (a dubious honor, but nevertheless).

The fact that Bonnie’s wonderful Nick Of Time  album won just about everything back in 1989 — long before most of these Gen Z twerps were even born — will no doubt come as a shock, but there you go.

So well done, me old darling.  You’ve certainly given this self-absorbed bunch of weenies something to talk about.

Manufacturing

Am I the last man to discover the excellent War Factories series on the Eeeewww Choob?

If you haven’t watched it, kiss your weekend goodbye, as I did last weekend.

You can thank me later.

There’s also the sulky-looking and acerbic Alexandra Churchill to be seen occasionally.  She really, really hates the Nazis from the 1940s — and who can blame her?

Oh, and she’s definitely not related to WSC:

 

If this is the New Breed of Lady Historians, bring it on.

Interesting People

I’ve never read any of the late Fay Weldon‘s novels, but I have to say that she was an interesting person.  In a time when 22-year-old “influencers” trade on their bodies and faces to create wealth out of nothing, there’s something appealing about a woman who grew up — and later flourished — during a time when such a life would have been absolutely impossible.  And by being outrageous despite all that, she became a true feminist — the kind of feminist I applaud rather than despise (i.e. the modern feministicals).  And let’s face it, how can you not love someone with these two snippets on her resume:

[Her] first script was rejected as too explicit — no one, explained a man at the BBC, wanted to watch a drama about prostitutes, ‘no matter how well written’.

Her career flying, at a party in 1961 she fell into bed with that man who introduced himself next morning.  For the next decade they were rarely out of bed — sex was the whole basis of their relationship.  ‘I thought the only way to know a man properly was to know what he was like in bed,’ she said, ‘and my appetite for knowledge was formidable.’

Formidable, indeed.  I’m going to get one of her novels and read it.

Our next interesting person also did things his own way.

He started off life as a bricklayer, and then set out to conquer the world.

In his 86 years, David Gold conquered the worlds of retail, property, publishing and air travel and was estimated to be worth a staggering £500m.

What kind of publishing, you ask?   Sex magazines — hitherto unavailable in Britain.  What kind of property?  Four stores called “Ann Summers”, which sold sex toys.  The he made his daughter Jacqueline (who needs her own post, but she isn’t dead yet) the CEO of Ann Summers, and she promptly turned the business into the sex toy equivalent of Tupperware, amassing her own personal fortune of just over half a billion dollars along the way.

And then David became chairman of first Birmingham City and then West Ham F.C. in London, and died recently with a mistress of twenty-four years’ standing, who happened to be nearly twenty years his junior.

Just as formidable, and not at all bad for a one-time brickie with no university degree.

I love life stories that read like this.

THE Top Xmas Movies

The Daily Mail  has weighed in with their (predictably modern) list:

Die Hard
Home Alone
It’s A Wonderful Life
The Nightmare Before Christmas
Love, Actually

…but mine (probably to no one’s surprise) leans towards the more traditional, in that I’ve applied the Christmas test:  Could the events in the movie have taken place at any other time than Christmas?  and Did the movie not make you cry?

If the answer is “yes” to either or both, then it’s not necessarily a Christmas movie.  So my list (and sorry, but I could not keep it to only five), and in no specific order:

Remember The Night
It’s A Wonderful Life 
The Polar Express
The Bishop’s Wife
The Shop Around The Corner
White Christmas
Christmas in Connecticut 

…and special (“modern”) mentions because they make me laugh, not cry:
Scrooged (Carol Kane, with a toaster, in the face — classic)
National Lampoon’s Vacation

I love Home Alone, by the way, but for its comedy and not for its Christmas message, such as it is.

Feel free to add your favorites in Comments.