Drive Time – Page 14 – Splendid Isolation

Mass Stupidity

May 25, 2023 Kim du Toit Drive Time

Indefatigable Contributor Mike L. sends me this report from inside Deepest Blue America:

With Memorial Day just one week away, millions of people are expected to hit the road this upcoming holiday weekend. AAA has predicted travel to hit pre-pandemic levels and are urging drivers to make safe driving a priority as car accidents are at an all-time high in Massachusetts.

But:

A forced lockdown due to the COVID-19 pandemic prevented many people from traveling. Drivers we spoke with believe that the roads are more dangerous today than they were before the pandemic.

Why is this? Have they forgotten how to drive — or, more importantly, if this is the case — why is it taking Massholes so long to get back into proper driving? This may be the answer:

“We talk a lot about the laws and regulations, about the hands-free driving law, which was instated right after quarantine,” said Juniper Holmes, director of Ja’Duke Driving School in Turners Falls. “They’re not allowed to actually hold their phone in their hands. They’re supposed to use a Bluetooth device to talk on the cellphone or, if they are over 18, then they can talk to Siri and use Bluetooth, but texting in Massachusetts is illegal while you’re driving.”

Holmes told us that distracted driving is a common issue they see on the roads while conducting their driving lessons, and it is something they are stressing now more than ever.

“People are staring at their laps, and when you see people whose eyes are not on the road, their eyes are straight down on their laps, you usually think that they are texting or they’re on their phone, and the law also states that you’re not allowed to be texting or making phone calls at a red light or stop sign, either,” she said.

Clearly, the answer is MOAR LAWS (which is the usual response Up There). Or maybe — gasp! — stricter enforcement of and higher penalties for said laws?

Nah… that would be rayciss or transphobic or something.

By the way — and I admit that I haven’t driven in Boston or anywhere in Massachusetts in a long time — I’ve found that Boston’s drivers are the most aggressive and impatient assholes in the entire country. They make Texas rednecks and New Yorkers look positively polite and British by comparison.

Bygone Broads 3

May 20, 2023 Kim du Toit Drive Time, Gratuitous Chick Pics

Seems like the combination of bedroom-poster-worthy cars and women is becoming a fan favorite over on this back porch of mine, so here we go with another “pairing”. This time, it’s the Sunbeam Tiger / AC Cobra 427 and Ann-Margret.

And another lil’ red thing:

And a little while later:

Lemme tell y’all: it was pure hell trying to decide which A-M pics to feature here. There may have to be a Part 2 at some point…

Bravo Scuderia

May 17, 2023 Kim du Toit Drive Time

Finally, a ray of hope amidst all the gloom of Global Warming Climate Cooling Change:

Legendary Italian car maker Ferrari has no intention of phasing out combustion engines and going fully electric or hybrid anytime soon, promising Sunday to keep making the eight and 12-cylinder engines it has made its trademark at least until the end of the 2030s.

The chief of the Italian manufacturer told the BBC in an interview it would be “arrogant” to dictate to customers what they can buy while at the same time walking away from the company’s heritage.

Ferrari instead wants to honor its history of high performance cars using traditional methods of propulsion.

Of course, they’re dealing from a position of strength because they can’t make enough Ferraris to satisfy the huge market of people with more money than sense and no resistance to brand snob appeal.

That said, their 296 hybrid is pretty sexy:

…albeit still overpriced, like all Ferraris.

But let me not be too grumpy about this because they are to be congratulated for not capitulating to the Watermelons, and keeping their Rosso where it belongs: on the outside.

Keeping The Old, Shunning The New

May 16, 2023 Kim du Toit Drive Time

I’m smack dab in the middle of this trend (for a change — I’m usually lost in any trend’s wake):

Americans Delay Buying New Cars As Long As Possible To Avoid High Prices

The average age of cars and light-duty trucks on American roads has reached 12.5 years, according to a report from S&P Global, a phenomenon that comes as bottlenecked supply chains and elevated inflation continue their toll on households.

The financial analytics firm noted that 2023 marked the sixth consecutive year of increased average vehicle ages. The three-month rise between 2022 and 2023 constituted the largest year-over-year increase since the recession which struck the United States between 2008 and 2009, during which consumers likewise tightened their budgets in response to economic turmoil.

It’s looking increasingly like the Tiguan is going to be the last car I’ll ever have bought, unless some miracle occurs. What sucks is that doing Uber (not an option at the time, by the way) made me put just over 100,000 miles on the car, which means it has a limited shelf life. That 100,000 miles, in terms of my normal driving, was about 12 years’ life. As things stand, the next few years are going to be a lot more tenuous.

Still, I’d rather just pay to get it fixed when things break than get a new car — see the post immediately below for reasons.

A Rental By Any Other Name

May 16, 2023 Kim du Toit Drive Time, Fiscal Leeches, Two-Minute Hate

…smells foul. Try this bastardy on for size:

The growing “features on demand” (FoD) trend in the auto industry is upsetting American car owners, who are growing increasingly displeased with having to pay for extra car features via subscription. 69 percent of respondents to a recent survey indicated that they would probably switch car brands if they were forced to pay monthly fees for features like heated seats.

As far as I’m concerned, they can take their “FoD” and “FOAD” (fuck off and die).

Of course, cars aren’t expensive enough, so the manufacturers have to find other ways to suck blood cash from their customers.

And they can’t be stopped:

Subscription fees have been incorporated into automakers’ financial models and projected future earnings. Wall Street analysts and investors believe these extra funds will increase future profits and stock prices.

So basically, we’re fucked, then.

Unless, of course, we don’t buy any of their cars or if we do, we shun those oh-so necessary doodads like heated seats, GPS and “climate control” (what we used to call heating and a/c). Ditto “smart” key fobs and all the other useless and expensive shit that for some reason, we can’t seem to do without nowadays.

“Oh, you want a steering wheel with our new car? That’ll be $75/month, because you don’t just get a wheel, you also get a built-in gear shift, controls for your FM-only radio, and a telephone (another $25/month for unlimited calls anywhere within your own zip code). What’s that? You just want a plain wheel, no extras? How quaint. Well, we don’t offer those anymore, on the advice of our accountants. Now let’s talk about the monthly cost of ABS…”

Mother fuckers. Motherfucking fuckers.

In fact:

Bygone Broads 2

May 14, 2023 Kim du Toit Drive Time, Gratuitous Chick Pics

Last year, I posted the first of this series, in which I lamented the disappearance of beautiful cars and lovely women from teenage boys’ bedroom walls. That post featured a couple Ferraris and Lucy Pinder.

Here’s another such coupling [sic]. First, two cars of the Corvette persuasion: