News Roundup

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And speaking of expectant mothers:


...frankly, after 22 kids I think they need to take a break from breeding, but that’s just me.


...I’m not even a Christian, and this makes my nose twitch.

From the Dept. of Global Cooling Climate Warming Change:


...actually, ANY country could be hit by a “mega tsunami” at any time, or by a large meteorite, or a falling Michael Moore, but let’s keep everyone frightened because it sells newspapers and gets government grants for scientists.

Still in that vein:


...must have drawn their sample from attendees at my last range session.


...sound about right.  A+ for creativity, though.


...well, duh.  Anyone with any serious managerial experience could have told you that, you twerp.


...can’t anyone just say “Thank you” and get off the fucking stage without turning some stupid and irrelevant award into a Momentous Ethnic Occasion?


...frankly, I’d believe any allegation of what this Addams Family reject ever did.


...okay, here are some pics. Same teacher:

And speaking of illicit sex:


...yup, all the grrrrls loves them some bad boys.  So much for “equal opportunity hiring policy”.

And from INSIGNIFICA:


...who they?

Oh… them.   Forgive me, but I don’t even know what “WWE” stands for.

Parallel Universe

And in yet another flight of fantasy:

Consumer inflation the past 12 months has increased 6.0 percent, down from 6.4 percent a month ago—a 0.8 percent increase from Feb. 2022 just fell off the 12-month chart reading—according to the latest data compiled by the Bureau of Labor Statistics as the Federal Reserve continues to eye further rate hikes in order to tame what has been persistent inflation.

Uh huh.  Six percent, hey?

A 2 percent decrease in gasoline and a 13.6 percent decrease in used cars and trucks was offset by a 9.2 percent increase in fuel oil and a 5.8 percent increase in new vehicles. There was a whopping 12.9 percent increase in electricity and a 14.3 percent increase in utility (piped) gas service, indicating continued high demand for energy services. There was a 9.5 percent increase in food, plus an 8.1 percent increase in shelter and a 14.6 percent increase in transportation services, plus a 3.3 percent increase in apparel, a 3.2 percent increase in medical care commodities and a 2.1 percent increase in medical care services.

Let’s not get blinded by these carefully-constructed lies, here.  Gas prices went down for about two weeks, and then shot up again.  Supermarkets have published reports about 30-, 40- and 50 percent increases in commodity items,

True inflation is running well into the double digits (high teens or more), and we consumers are being bent over the government’s desk and shafted without lube.

Enjoy your day.

 

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From the Dept. of Global Cooling Climate Warming Change:


...of course they are.  As long as you can produce some, you know, proof of your assertion, you malevolent troll.


...yeah, petty reasons like escaping grinding poverty, bloody civil wars and Muslim barbarism just can’t compete.


...are we sure it’s not that pesky climate change’s fault?


...fantasy, meet reality.  Pretty, innit?

And for the next such meeting, watch this development:


...this “reimagining” will work out not as hoped for by people named Gavin Newsom, but precisely as expected by the Reality-Based Community.

And in Entertainment News:


...not that anyone can actually afford Disneyland’s prices anymore anyway.

From the Heart Of Stone Chronicles:


...okay, you can all quit that derisive laughter now.


...so to sum up:  telling the truth is now a terrorist crime?  Got it.


...which would be nice, except that then you have to live among Swiss people.


...I think Biden needs to suffer a lot more, on a more profound and elemental levelRelated:

When you ask ChatGPT to create a photo of a bitter socialist eco-warrior activist with an Ivy League degree and possible lesbian tendencies, this is probably what you’ll get:

…and…
...am I the only one who thinks that there’s so much wrong with both these situations?

And from the Dept. Of Corporate Fascism:


...the “opposition” did not include whipping, defenestration, tar & feathers or heads on pikes, but it should have.

And in INSIGNIFICA:

 

And finally:


...keyword:  Germany.

However, this being Germany, there’s also a greater-than-zero chance of this:

And that’s it for the news.

News Update

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And speaking of getting the runs:


...fuckers need to be invaded again, just to set them straight.  Powdered beer… JHC.


that’s Detroit MI, with its long, rich heritage of brewing.


...okay, I pick “hell”. Your move, Brandon.


...leaving only 6 million or so illegal voter registrations to go.


...in accountants’ terms, he “lost” money even though he ended up with $120 million or something over what he originally paid for it.  Not that any of it matters, cos he’s dead.

From the Dept. Of Irony:


...despite (or maybe because of) naming him “Cuddles”.

From the Dept. Of “Defense”:


...if I were a donor, I’d also hold off till they rename it the “Robert E. Lee Military Institute”.

And news from the SPCA:


...can you spell “irrational panic”, children?  And:


...reaction from all cat-loving losers in 3…2…1...

Now it’s INSIGNIFICA TIME:

And finally:


...nothing “weird” about that at all, IMO.  Especially when you see them:

Not really my cup(s) of tea, but that’s the news for ya.

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And some people who have no clue:


...who’s this little gayboy, again?  Has he ever been elected to any office?

Then again:


...seems like these elected officials from Red America know more about the topic than the above gayboy.


...then maybe small-bore cartridges will do the trick? I’m thinking something around .357 (handguns) or 6.5mm (rifles), but I’m always open to alternatives.

And now on to less relevant topics:


...I’m trying to see why this is my problem.


...to the complete surprise of… nobody.


...I’d be too embarrassed to come along too, if I were the little shit who’d blocked all Trump’s border security initiatives.


...this report coming to you from Planet Obvious.


...I think “assisted suicide” should be left to the professionals — i.e. the Clintons.


...sounds about right.


...and this too sounds about right.  No mention of any pre-execution torture, however, which makes me sad.

From the Teacher Of The Year Competition:


...I know, I too wish I were of school-going age right now.

And from our Paige Three Department:


...wherein our girl makes us proud, once again.

Now for INSIGNIFICA:

   

...fixed it for them.

Finally, some news of a career change:


...for the Beanpole fans among you.

Now off to keep your careers going, such as they are.

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And in similar vein:


...and they said romance was dead.


...roll on Cherry 2000, baby.


...and handed it to the cops as “evidence”.  Works for me.


...because no Black man, ever, has stolen a car.


...Rolling who?


...wait, a 1.5 Richter?  [laughs in Turkish]


...once again:  beware round numbers.  And see next week’s breathless report which will completely contradict this one.


sorry, m’lady, but this started LONG before #MeToo.
#PussificationOfTheWesternMale.


...okay, now THAT’S funny.

From the Dept. Of Energy:


...eagles to the west of me, whales in the east, here I am stuck in the middle with you coal. [thankee, Reader terrapod]


...and predictably, all the mainstream media reports are about how the cops beat him up while getting his gun away from him.


...if they can fuck with Roald Dahl’s books, I can bowdlerize their fucking headlines.

And from the dripping files of INSIGNIFICA:

   

And finally, on a musical note:


…and while we’re there:

I think she’s adorable — although I’m still trying to deal with her being 48 (!!!) — and she has a brilliant (and sexy) stage act.