Category: Bad News

And while we’re there:

...of course, she’s not really that ignorant — she’s just pushing the Party line.  However:

...if A.I. is really that bad, we are truly fucked.

...I guess that “learn to code” advice wasn’t that good after all.

...errrr a little late for that now, innit?

...illustrated with a pic of a WHITE nurse?  LOL

...doesn’t matter.  Even if you’re caught driving without one, nothing happens to you.  Sorta like shoplifting in San Francisco. [/Third World]

...sheesh, when you’ve lost even the gayboys, can ruin be far behind? Oh wait:

...how do you boycott something that’s already being boycotted?  Is it a double-plus boycott?

Another report from Queer Wars:

...when asked to comment, Chuck Norris and Clint Eastwood both said:  “Huh.”

...even without walking backwards, I should have the best memory in the Western world, if that’s what it takes.

...yup, always protect the identity of the rape victim.

And now is MOAR INSIGNIFICA:

  

...wait:  women have orgasms?  They’ll be wanting the vote, next.

And finally, in Sporting News:

…which will please Napoli’s number one fan, sportscaster Floriana Messina.  Who she?

No wonder they won.

And that’s it for the news.

In other Marketing News:

...first principle of marketing:  if you want people to buy something, tell them they can’t have it.  Known by everyone except politicians and Harvard MBAs.

...following the second principle of marketing:  when you’ve fucked up horribly, bribe your way out of the problem.  Even politicians know this one — they invented it.

From the Dept. of Global Cooling Climate Warming Change:

...New York being well known for its warm, temperate winters and abundant electrical supply.

...back in a moment:  I’m just going to borrow Sarah Hoyt’s Shocked Face.

From the Dept. of Nutrition & Health:

…

...thus preempting Mickey D’s new “Mouseburger” menu item.

From the Dept. of Education:

   …same guy:
  …and related:

...what’s the French for “multi-tasking”?

News in general:

...begging the question:  if there’s no physical strength component, only intellect, then why do Women’s Poker tournaments even exist?

...some scumbag gangbanger, no doubt.  Also:  ask me again why I carry a gun every time I leave the house, when this latest shooting happened in the next town over.

...he could have just shot the beast… oh wait:  Britishland.  Nemmind.

And in INSIGNIFICA:

 

… ...and Austin Powers was unavailable for comment.

Finally:

...who she, you ask?

…and that’s all the news we can sea today.

And in other Medical News:

...uhhhhh no.

...thus taking away the effectiveness of the “Eat shit and die” epithet.

In the latest Woke News:

...from your mouth to God’s ear, honey.

…just accept the fact that you’ve fucked your brand, hard, in the ass — just like your precious spokesthing does.  And speaking of this little asshole:

...you started it, darlin’.

…ummm is there any historical basis for the term “Minutewoman”?  Asking for a friend.

And speaking of hoplophobes:

...between P.J. and Beto, it sure seems like the wrong O’Rourke died.

...works for me.  Now let’s start killing a few, pour encourager les autres.  And speaking of pedophile organizations:

...which I’ll believe when His Assholiness points to where the term “couch potatoes” appears in the Gospel.

...looks like they want to start something they may not be able to stop.  Just sayin’.

...considering that Argentina’s total import business is lower than Alabama’s, this is ummm not significant.

And speaking of INSIGNIFICA:

  …

...I know, I’d never heard of Kayla Simmons either.  Does she even exist?  Let’s go to the gallery:

And that’s all the news that sticks out this week.

And speaking of getting the finger:

...as woker becomes broker.

...see above.

...bloody peasants.  How dare you try to improve your standard of living?

…

…then gets shot dead by irate homeowner — oh wait, this is Los Angeles, nemmind.

...nor should he, except that he’s a Brit — which means that you have to allow burglars free rein on your property, even if they threaten your life.  Kinda like L.A.

…

...go Huskers.  Better late than never.

From the Dept. of Unforeseen Consequences:

...you don’t say.

...forget it, Jake;  it’s Michigan.

In Showbiz News:

...witchcraft and sorcery inexplicably omitted from secret.

And related:

...so we’ve gone from this:    ...to this:

Now is when we suck out the INSIGNIFICA:

...headline may include a typo.  And no, I have no clue who she is, either.

And that’s all the news fit to (un)cover.

Canadians:  the old enemy.

...I’ll believe Canucki “experts” when it comes to hockey, snow removal or maple syrup.  Otherwise, not.

And in more Global Cooling Climate Warming Change news:

...as if we needed any more proof that climatism is a religion.  Also, keywords:  New York professors.

...expect “frozen Germans” to become a thing.

...climate change:  is there anything it can’t do?

...wait, weren’t temperatures supposed to be rising because of SUVs etc.?  I’m SO confused.

From the Department of Health Alarmism:

...everybody panic!!!!!!  Or not.

In the “I Did Not Know That!” department:

…I’m just amazed that the Belgies actually import any American beer, let alone that Miller piss.

From the Dept. of Criminal Assholes:

...but the shooter is Black, didn’t use an assault rifle, and shot only other Black people.  Annnnd down the memory hole she goes.

...as the Great Cultural Assimilation Project continues.

...yup, blame all those White Christian “teenagers” shooting people in Chicago, St. Louis, East L.A. and the Bronx.

...if those things are a “reader favorite”, then Insty’s demographics must have changed.  A LOT.

And from the bowels of INSIGNIFICA:

And finally, some news that actually matters:

...oh no, have mercy:

Seriously?  56?  I give up.

Frankly, I kinda prefer the days when most women were tranq’d up and calmer.  Still:

…

From the Dept. Of Education:

…

...keyword:  Wales.  Frankly, I don’t see the fuss — no kids involved, just some chick who likes doing sex things with a chance of being caught in the act.

And speaking of sex things:

...lock up your fathers.

...FFS, Hermione:  get a grip.

From the High Crimes & Misdemeanors Files:

...which it is.  And on the topic of theft:

...if the LA cops aren’t going to charge goblins for theft, then citizens will just mete out their own justice.

...that’s a little ironic, seeing as it’s the Fibbies who are most likely to be doing the hacking.

And in Business News:

...Xerox could not be reached for comment.

...let me see… oh, none anywhere near Plano.  Thanks for nothing, assholes.

In the very bowels of INSIGNIFICA:

   

...next shocker:  men wank watching PornHub.

Finally, in Fashion News:

...not too surprising;  a lot of men like meat on their bones.  It’s only the homo fashion designers with little-boy fetishes who prefer them skeletal.

And that’s all the news that’s fat to print.