Today will be snippets of news that are guaranteed to make your eyes squint and Red Curtains Of Blood (RCOB) affect your vision. The fact that most of the items happened in Britishland makes no difference whatsoever. You have been warned.
1) “Help! My Mum’s been stabbed!”
2) “Give us your stuff or we’ll chop up your babies!”
3) Gun ban in the U.K. is still effective
5) Moped muggers
6) “You think you Brits are the only ones who can go crazy with a knife? Banzai! ”
7) And lastly, just so we know that the rozzers are going after the serious criminals, there’s this one:
Tearful pensioner, 79, slams police for ‘threatening to prosecute her for feeding her neighbour’s pet’
8) Or maybe they can go after this kid’s parents, for giving him a toy gun to play with.
Now you can all go off and clean yer guns. I know I will.
Oh, bugger it all:
Fox News star Charles Krauthammer reveals he has weeks to live
It’s cancer, that vile illness.
And on a personal note: I just learned this very morning that my closest childhood friend Mark Pennels is also in the final stages of cancer, with maybe a week or two left. I spoke to him in December when I was in South Africa, and he was cancer-free then, so this latest episode has been a total bastard.
And you all know about Connie, taken from me just last year by the same ailment.
I think I’ll just go to my room and pull the covers up over my head for the rest of the day…
“Let me take you by the hand and lead you through the streets of London; I’ll show you something that’ll make you change your mind.”
Thus sang Ralph McTell in his hauntingly-mournful song back in the 1970s. Modern-day London seems to be equally tragic:
London’s violent crime epidemic appears to show no sign of ending after another spate of brutal violence gripped the capital.
- Man, 45, arrested on suspicion of murder 2.32am after woman, 28, [stabbed to death] in Brent
- At 8.34pm, officers were called to Brent where man was shot with ‘machine gun’
- Police were called to Deptford at 8.10pm where a 23-year-old man was stabbed
- Just over a mile away another man was stabbed in Brent at around 10.20pm
- At 3.36am a 27-year-old man was arrested in Old Kent Road after a third stabbing
Of course, the “machine gun” description will turn out to be false; after all, machine-guns are banned in Britishland so that’s just not possible.
Then again, we have this little incident:
Follow the link for the full story. Good grief. I’m all for carrying knives on one’s person — I have two in my pockets as we speak — but sheesh… that’s a little (shall we say) aggressive.
I know that Dallas isn’t London (thank goodness), but I can’t help but think that people like our angry cyclist might be a little more restrained if they suspected that the guy in the car might be packing a .357 revolver… just a thought.
The immortal words of Joe Jackson come to mind:
No amount of alcohol, sausage or bacon is safe according to cancer experts
Even small amounts of processed meats and booze increase the risk of a host of cancers outlined in World Cancer Research Fund (WCRF) guidelines updated every decade.
The respected global authority has unveiled a 10-point plan to cut your risk of getting cancer by up to 40%.
Brits have been told to banish favourites such as ham, burgers and hot dogs from their diets by experts who say they are a direct cause of bowel cancer. Processed meats also cause people to be overweight which can trigger many more cancers.
But UK experts have disagreed with the draconian advice insisting the odd bacon sandwich “isn’t anything to worry about”.
The WCRF found boozing is directly linked to increased risk of six cancers and for the first time recommended sticking to water or unsweetened drinks. The report said: “Even small amounts of alcoholic drinks can increase the risk of some cancers. “There is no level of consumption below which there is no increase in the risk of at least some cancers.”
On processed meats it added that “no level of intake can confidently be associated with a lack of risk of bowel cancer”.
Cutting down on steaks and other red meat such as lamb and pork can reduce the risk of bowel cancer.
The WCRF’s 10-point health plan
- Be a healthy weight
- Be physically active
- Eat a diet rich in wholegrains, vegetables, fruit and beans
- Limit consumption of ‘fast foods’ and other processed foods high in fat, starches or sugars
- Limit consumption of red and processed meat
- Limit consumption of sugar sweetened drinks
- Limit alcohol consumption
[last three omitted because irrelevant to my Readers, e.g. breastfeeding]
I guess I’m fucked, then. Oh well. Time for some BBQ brisket, Elgin sausage and sweet iced tea. Or a steak & kidney pie, chips and a pint of London Pride?
If I’m gonna die, I want the doctors to exclaim at my post-mortem, “Bloody hell! How did he last so long?”
There’s no link because the Mirror has the most irritating ads on the planet. I went there so you don’t have to. And fuck their “fair use” guidelines.
1.) FrogPres Emanuel Macron and his
Nana wife arrived in D.C. to meet with POTUS. I can only imagine what they’ll talk about, Macron being about the most pussified politician in Euroland — which is saying something. One thing’s for sure: Trump isn’t gonna grab this saggy old broad’s ass. (Incidentally, Macron is probably Over Here because they all hate him back in France.)
2.) Duchess Kate Wossname popped another sprog. As usual, the socialists are moaning that all babies should be born equal instead of being fifth in line to the throne of Britishland. Nobody cares about this except people like me, who think that all socialists should be flogged daily, and not just for being complete tools about the birth of a baby.
3.) Man runs the London Marathon in honor of his late father, then dies. So he died in honor of his dead father, but he wasn’t Japanese (in which case this might have made sense). One would have to have a heart of stone not to laugh at this story.
4.) Asswipe causes ruckus on an airliner, gets a Taser sandwich. A quick look at his mugshot should explain everything.
5.) A bunch of lesbians caught fire — oh wait, not lesbians but the Greek island of Lesbos. My bad; although you have to admit that the headline “Lesbos On Fire” could be misleading. Anyway, the “migrants” are revolting (I know: aren’t they all). Apparently they were attacked by a bunch of patriotic Greeks who are sick of all the crime and such that the”refugees” are bringing with them. (I’m not one of the above, but I can see why they might think this way.)
6.) Women-only offices (so-called “coworking” spaces) are increasing in number because #MeToo or something. I have only one question to ask: could men create “men-only” work spaces to escape the bullshit that these ur-feminists bring to the workplace? Thought not. [200,000-word rant deleted]