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  1. “Mandy Fister can’t wait to try a cucumber from her garden after being awarded ‘Castro District Transexual Vegetable Garden of the Month’ last week.”

  2. In this portrait — possibly destined for the cover? — for Beaded Bracelets Monthly, sad-eyed Brenda nearly weeps at the inadequacy of her latest paramour, nick-named ‘Little Greeny’ in honor of ‘his’ humble origins.

  3. In this portrait — possibly destined for the cover? — for Beaded Bracelets Monthly, sad-eyed Brenda nearly weeps as she squats to ‘enrich’ the garden soil.

    And all because she has ‘permission to go there’.

  4. In this portrait — destined for the cover? — for Beaded Bracelets Monthly, sad-eyed Brenda nearly weeps after she slips down her peasant blouse to emphasize her dappled shoulder.

  5. In this portrait — destined for the cover? — for Beaded Bracelets Monthly, sad-eyed Brenda nearly weeps after her recent weigh-in revealed the horridly-awful truth… less beer and carbohydrates are in her future, more vegentarianist stuff like this unidentifiable apparition of an omnivore’s nightmare.

  6. In this portrait — destined for the cover? — for Impromptu Toiletries Monthly, sad-eyed Brenda nearly weeps at the very thought of using this vegetable to ‘freshen-up’.

  7. In this portrait — destined for the cover? — for Nail-Polish Monthly, sad-eyed Brenda nearly weeps as she models her newest coloration for stylish fingertips, an absolutely gorgeous shade of cucumber!

  8. In this portrait — destined for the cover? — for Rock-Salt Monthly, sad-eyed Brenda nearly weeps as she anticipates the next few moments of her miserable garden-thieving existence, a futile dash followed by the boom of the farmer’s shotgun and her heinie stinging from hundreds of our little friends!

    And I think there is a lesson here for us all during these tumultuous times:
    To conserve your copper-covered lead, think outside the box…

  9. 30 seconds after this photo was taken, this produce was not seen again until it was seen by a general surgeon in the Emergency Department.

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