That Would Be All Of Them

Over at Hot Air, Ed Morrissey introduces us to their movie-rating scale:

I have to say that the very last time I paid a full-price movie ticket was for the final Harry Potter  episode — and in fact, I went to the movie house for all the Potter movies.  If I recall correctly, the last non-Potter movie I saw in a cinema was Saving Private Ryan, and even that was some time after its initial release.

Every single other movie  over the past twenty-odd years has fallen into the #2 category.  As far as I’m concerned, there is not a movie in recent history worth the price of a movie ticket, or that is so good that I can’t wait to see it.

That doesn’t mean I think all movies have sucked in recent times — I’ve enjoyed lots of them, and Midnight In Paris, The Fabulous Baker Boys, A Good Year, The Incredibles  and Gosford Park (to name but some) I’ve not only watched but watched over and over again.

And I’m not even going to get into the horrible morass that is watching a movie in a cinema today:  people talking (loudly) all through the movie, people talking (loudly) on their phones all the way through the movie, people walking in and out of the cinema all through the movie, deafening movie soundtracks with bass turned up so high it can make one feel nauseated, trash and litter everywhere… do I need to go any further?

The only reason I’d go to the movies would be to watch Donald Trump winning his second term on Election Night in November 2020  — and that won’t be screened in cinemas anyway, so I can watch it for free on TV and (even better) see the mainstream TV personalities’ reaction:

(picture credit: some sick bastard on the Internet)

Tell me you wouldn’t pay money to see that.

21 comments

  1. You and I could be drinking buddies. The more I learn about you, you could be me! But yeah, I haven’t been in a movie dump for about 2 decades and see no reason to do so again. In general, I avoid the general public in all ways because I can barely tolerate anyone. It’s amazing to me how rude everyone is to anyone else and behave as if the whole world is there’s and everybody else can go pound.

    We have a 65″ TV set up perfectly, very comfortable furniture, every kind of food/drink we could ever want, and an absence of assholes bent on bothering other people, and most of the things we watch are commensurate with what we like, and we aren’t in a hurry to see the most current stuff. Frankly, about 90% of everything put out over the past 2 or more decades has not been worth looking at. I don’t miss any of it.

  2. Last four movies I’ve seen in theaters were all Peter Jackson films: The three LOTR movies, and the recent ‘They Shall Not Grow Old.’ And ‘Saving Private Ryan’ around the same time as LOTR.

    Is there anything out there in theaters worth seeing anymore? Sorry, but I’m not much interested in plunking down $15 to see ‘Spider-Man XXIV – The Gender Fluid Years.’

  3. The hardest part about going to the movies is convincing the projectionist to pause the movie 2 or 3 times for all the bathroom breaks I’d need to take over the course of a 3 hour show.

  4. I’m a little surprised the theater biz hasn’t collapsed already, what with Streaming Everything available now. Then again, I don’t follow it, so theaters may be on their last legs.

    I avoid theaters like plague-infected syphlitic whores (Act of Valor was the last thing that enticed me into a theater, and Saving Private Ryan before that, so I’m not a Frequent Flyer), but there are occasional films that are worth The Big Screen, and I suspected Midway was one of them ( I’m looking for a time slot to see it soon, one when the theater will be as empty as possible because of all the worthless shits who visit theaters these days (7AM on a rainy Tuesday sounds great, but theaters seem to think differently).

    On a separate note, Black Friday is coming up, as is the Sooperbowl in a few months, both offering opportunities for deals on a 70-inch. May have to do a budget review. When old fart theater matinee tickets are $12 a $17 BluRay is a worthy deal, my local library has a fairly complete collection of DVDs and substantial expertise in InterLibraryLoans for what they don’t have.

    1. I’d do some research on the new Midway before going to see it, and then just pull out the DVD of the 70’s Chuck Heston version instead and wait for it on free TV.

      Everything I’ve read about it by anyone with any historical education points to it as being another Pearl Harbor * type Hollywood bastardization by people who equate CGI with movie making.

      *I saw that monstrosity on free TV, and still felt cheated. Had to watch Tora, Tora, Tora and Thirty Seconds Over Tokyo to purge my system.

  5. I paid full rate, and sat in a 100% packed theater, for Peter Jackson’s excellent WWI effort, “They Shall Not Grow Old”.

    But TBF, I would not sit in a full theater for anything else…and the only movies I have seen in theaters this year was a re-viewing of They Shall Not Grow Old, and the latest John Wick Fantasy. Both, matinees.

  6. I have been to a movie show just once in the past 15 years to see ‘FURY’ a middle of the week matinee with just enough assholes around to annoy me. I read reviews about the guns and armor in ‘FURY’ which was kind of good and found out the story line sucked a big one. I have some fond memories of seeing good movies in the good old days but as said by others above, with a decent flat screen home viewing is hard to beat.

    I can also do without special effects that are mostly cartoons in the middle of a real people movie along with sound stuff that resembles a washing machine, out of balance on spin cycle.

  7. I saw “The Force Awakens”, with my brother and his son’s birthday party (I know. I wore earplugs almost continually from the moment I arrived at his house until I gained refuge again at mine).
    I also saw “Song of the Sea” with a then girlfriend. It wasn’t as bad as you might think for a cartoon, not that that helped matters along with the girlfriend any.

  8. Keep an eye on Alamo Drafthouse. The one in Richardson shows vintage stuff pretty regularly, and if you can catch Parasite before it leaves, it’s worth it. Yes, it’s a foreign film and it’s about income inequality (sort of) but it handles it way more honestly than Hollywood.

    No one talks at Alamo. No one pulls their phone out at Alamo. The food is actually decent, they will bring you beer, and there is always Velvet Hammer on draft. Let’s see, Road House on Tuesday, but it’s expensive because it comes with a flight of beer from Martin House Brewing. (You’re unpredictable enough that I don’t know if you hate or love Road House.) The Lake Highlands location is playing It’s a Wonderful Life on Dec 6 with Karolyn Grimes (who played Zuzu) live.

    1. I was going to mention Alamo as well. Nobody talks or pulls their phone out because if you do they will kick you out of the theater without a refund–it says so right before the movie starts.

      You can frequently get a matinee for $6.50, too.

  9. My wife hates TV and I stopped watching years ago. After a Star Driech episode tried to shove anti-gun propaganda down my throat, it opened my eyes to the power that that medium had on people. We don’t even have one in the house anymore.

    Most movies made now days are just lifted from the comic books, and I outgrew them years ago also. Good truthful movies made for adult audiences are a rarity.

    The computer does manage to waste most of my time. At least I can pick my poison…

    1. “After a Star Driech episode tried to shove anti-gun propaganda down my throat”

      You think that’s bad? The first episode of the new Doctor Who (Ms. Who, maybe?) had her saying people who carry knives are stupid. Her own third incarnation (who used pistols) would strangle her for saying that, but modern-day Formerly Great Britain and all.

  10. Sorry folks – another combination of the wrong keystrokes that caused my message to post. Now let’s get back to what I was trying to say. Back in the early 70s while I was in the military I had a part time gig as a projectionist at the base theatre. This was back when the navy distributed their movies as 16mm film prints and we ran two projectors with a manual switch over circuit. If you ever noticed the two dots that show up in the upper corner of an old film that’s the signal for the end of the reel and its time to hit the switch over button.

    I remember showing Day of the Jackal. The plot was so interesting that I let a reel completely run out. I was watching the movie rather than doing my job of showing it. Old time projectionists will understand what I’m saying.

    These days its a bunch of automatic weapons fire that never seems to hit anything and a couple of car chases which Steve McQueen could do 100 times better, all held together by a plot that inquiring six year old minds can figure out before the movie starts. If its a movie that I really want to see like Fury I wait until it ends up in the $5.00 bargain bin at Wally World.

    1. Holy Crap, I remember on post movies in W. German in the 1960’s when most of the people were half drunk and talked back to the the dialog through the whole movie and it was kind of fun. All those Clint Eastwood Italian Westerns and the Hippy Dippy shit movies.

      Yes half the time things were stopped in the middle while the guy who was drunk brought up the next reel. The best of times watching ‘Cool Hand Luke’ the third or fourth time and everyone in the theater saying, “What we have here is, a failure to communicate” !

  11. I’d have an option between 1 and 2 — pirate it and show to friends for laughs.

    But yeah, Hollyweird’s schlock is starting to wear thin. The good news (such as it is) is that the theater market is not like clothing, vehicles, or food. If enough people turn their nose up at your fare, you won’t make money.

    Hence the latest Terminator movie flopping hard.

    (I feel vaguely bad about that, because I thought Gabriel Luna did top notch work as Ghost Rider in Agents of SHIELD; but he simply can’t project the level of predatory menace that Ahnold or Robert Patrick did in T1 or T2. Hell, even Kristianna Loken’s T-X in Terminator 3 was more intimidating.)

    Watch the fun when the next Star Wars hits theaters, though. I hear it’s a mess. Me, I might check out Color Out Of Space, because (a) I’m a Lovecraft fan, and (b) Nicolas Cage freak-out scene.

  12. Took my girls to see “Yesterday” last summer. Absolutely loved it!
    Even better? The tickets were only $5.

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